Nicole Scherzinger Thinks She’d Be More Successful If She Was A Big Ol’ Slut

March 13, 2013 / Posted by:

I’ll wait here as you blink away the drops of potent class that hit your eyeballs when you looked at that picture. Everything is elegant about queefing into the mic.

So, Nicole ScherMINGEr’s last album didn’t even come out in the US, she’s never been on Broadway and she’s only had speaking roles in 2 movies, and she says she’d have a whole more if she opened up her legs all the time. If Nicole was a huge whore, she’d be instructing her team of maids to dust her dozens of Tonys, Grammys and Oscars right now.

In an interview with The Independent (via SF Chronicle) that’s equal parts delusional and desperate (aka all the things I love an in an interview), the former head puss of the Pussycat Dolls says that classy people like her have to work harder to be successful and if she laid her coochie on the devil, she’d have Adele’s career right now (yeah, I think Nicole is calling Adele and every other successful singer a mega tramp).

You might want to put a mask on before you read this mess, because the delusion is thick and you might catch it.

“I come from the most religious family. My grandfather is a priest. And if they support me in all this, and they do, then I’m OK. I’m being sassy and classy; I’m having fun. I’m not coming from a dark place. To be honest with you, I sometimes wish I were more slutty. I’d probably be a lot more successful if I were.

This is such a tough industry, you know. To make it, you really have to sell your soul to the devil… That’s probably why I haven’t quite reached the top of my mountain. I mean, where’s my Tony Award, my Grammy, my Oscar? Why don’t I have any of those things yet?”

Translation: “Sleeping your way to the bottom is a bitch!”

To me, Nicole Scherzinger has always felt like a never-ending Maya Rudolph impersonation of Apollonia and now I find out that she’s as funny as a Maya Rudolph impersonation too. That whole quote is classic. Bitch should go write funnies for SNL. She’d easily get an Emmy.

And seriously, she should get a Tony, Grammy, Oscar, Emmy, AVN and all the awards for that picture alone.

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