Kim Kartrashian no longer has to hold Kanye West’s Balenciaga purse for him, because he doesn’t have to scratch at Justin Timberlake’s face and yank at that trash-talking whore’s beautifully relaxed hair anymore. The beef is officially squashed. (FYI: “The beef is officially squashed” is also the code phrase that John Travolta’s assistants use to let the housekeepers know his “massage appointment” in his bedroom is over and they better bring extra Bounty Paper Towels and Lysol, because it’s that kind of mess.)
The most boring catfight ever started when Kanye West used one of his shows to declare that he doesn’t like Jay-Z’s new song with Justin Timberlake. Then Justin Timberlake used SNL to declare that “hits so sick, got rappers acting dramatic.” If my overuse of the word “declare” made you picture Kanye and Justin delicately fanning themselves with lace fans while saying “I do declare” to each other over and over again, that was my intention.
The most boring catfight ever is probably over now, because on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon last night, Justin played dumb while making it clear that he sleeps in an I Love Kanye thong every single night. Jimmy brought up Justin changing a lyric to slap at Kanye and their conversation went like this:
JT: Did I change the lyrics? You know, really, everyone, keep calm.
Jimmy: Keep calm and Kanye on.
JT: For the record, I absolutely love Kanye, so there’s that. Were the lyrics changed? I don’t remember.
Kanye West obviously goes for the hair in a catfight and Justin did not sit in a salon chair for 3 hours and he did not suffer the pain of the relaxer burning into his scalp just so some trick ass bitch can yank out pieces of his freshly straightened hair. Justin is protecting his beauty, that’s all. You gotta pick your battles and any battle involving a bitch possibly pulling your gorgeous hair out is not a battle you want to pick. I can’t hate on JT for taking the high road and by the high road I mean “I Just Went To The Salon So Let’s No Do This Today Boulevard.”
via USA Today