Hot Slut Of The Day!

A marauding pine marten who terrorized and ruled the field at a football match between FC Zurich and FC Thun last weekend!

I’ve never heard of the marauding pine marten before, but “marauding pine marten” must be a fancy way of saying “evil ass bitch.” And that’s why I love it. This devil weasel from the depths of hell rose up from the ninth circle and crashed a football game last weekend. It ran all around like it was on angel dust and it was chasing its hallucinations. One brave soul, Loris Bentio of FC Zurich, caught the marten, but he didn’t know who he was dealing with, because that long furry tube of bitchiness bit his trick ass hand. Eventually, some dude wearing gloves caught it and the game went on.

I’d like to think that they put the marten in the back of a truck and drove it to animal control, but when they got there, they opened up the back of the truck and the marten was gone. Later that night, Loris slid into bed and he put his arms around what he thought was his wife (his wife is really short, skinny and furry), but it turned out to be the marten and it bit at his face.

I love this bitchy marten so much. It crashes the party and when one of the hosts tries to kick it out, it bites at that ho. It’s like the Lindsay Lohan of weasels. Honey Badger, meet your match.