Jennifer Love Hewitt Says Her Tits Are Worth $5 Million
The rhinestones of desperation sparkling above Jennifer Love Hewitt's chocha aren't the most precious things on her body. JLove tells USA Today (via HuffPo) that a pair of Brink's security guards should be guarding her chichis at all times, because they're that spectacular, that special and they're worth more than Heidi Klum's legs and Holly Madison's Tupperware titty bowls combined.
JLove's favorite part of her body are her 36C tits and she says it's the only part she'd have insured, because they've made her a millionaire.
"I need, like, an insurance invitation. If somebody was like, 'Hey, you know what? We would like to insure your boobs for $2.5 million dollars,' I'd be like, 'Do it. Love it! Why not? These things right here are worth $5 million!"
JLove must've bedazzled her nipples (nippleizzing?) with canary diamonds, because that's the only way her tits would be worth $5 million. I mean, Dolly Parton insured her historical site titties for only $600,000 and her chichis are at the top of the list of national treasures right above Mount Rushmore, John Travolta's wig and Jon Hamm's Hammaconda.
And before JLove makes all the geckos roll their eyes by calling up Geico to get an estimate for her titties, she needs to fire who ever's in charge of gluing tiny broom brushes onto her eyelids. The wonky lash look does not become her. JLove should leave that look to Amanda Bynes.
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Well, what she lacks in discretion, she prolly makes up for in $$$. Bitch should be rolling in the dough, given she's been working for decades ... and never had a melt down. She used to be A-list date ticket. But, then. Slowly. Her "real" personality emerged, and she appears to be IN LOVE with herself....all aspects, all the time. Just ask her.
My vision of world peace: a chicken in every pot, and pot for all us chickens...and weasels.
She was an amazingly gorgeous natural beauty as a young girl. She ain't aging well...
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"Dammit, Pam, I've seen that, and now I can't unsee it. There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer
My tits are way better and bigger. I need my own damn show. I always liked her up until this point...even after the vagjazzle shit. Folks don't know how to promote a show.
It's mildly ironic that someone named "Love" would find so little of it. She should re-focus men from her tits to, you know, her.
ORLY?
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Dlisted is a finalist! http://2013.bloggi.es/ Voting closes March 17.
Ummm NO!
PS- Liza wants her eyelashes back.
I have always thought she is so ugly. She has a huge forehead, a long, pointy chin, and a long nose with a bulb at the end of it. How did she get so famous?
And her tits are lopsided.
Ugh bitch sit down! This chick has absolutely nothing going for her besides a pair of wonky bolt-ons but at least she finally got the memo and knows it. I wish she would just go away, everything about her is desperate and gross.
Did someone ask or did she just offer that up at Starbucks this morning or something like someone gave a shat? Ridic.
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"Discussions about what is good, beautiful, noble, pure, true, could always go on. Why is that important? Because that is the only conversation worth having." C.Hitchens,1949-2011. *caprica six was/is here*
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Mon, 03/11/2013 - 6:35pm.
Persistent Cat -- OMG, those Oakley sunglasses, aside from the aviators, are so incredibly douchey I cannot tell you. I hate those wraparound types on dudes, especially the guys who shave their entire heads or do a weird shaved hairdo. Douche-o-rama.
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And wear them on the back of their head. Inside. At night.
Something women know is when you grow up with great tits, at some point, you become sick of them. Men only stare at them. You cover them up. It creeps you out. You hit a certain age and it just becomes inappropriate. Love never got the memo.
Persistent Cat -- OMG, those Oakley sunglasses, aside from the aviators, are so incredibly douchey I cannot tell you. I hate those wraparound types on dudes, especially the guys who shave their entire heads or do a weird shaved hairdo. Douche-o-rama.
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"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"
"Two eyes, two eyebrows."
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
*eyeroll* Bitch Please. Those sweater pups have been manhandled too much to be worth that much. The face isn't looking to good either.
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Mon, 03/11/2013 - 4:32pm.
I carry a Sharpie in my purse, but I only carry it to write notes to people who park next to me like assholes.
MARRY ME.
LOL. What a great idea!!!!! In the desert, there's always dust so I just use my finger to write on their window. But a Sharpie (love them)
note---I like it:D
I'm sure she was just joking around
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Mon, 03/11/2013 - 4:32pm.
I carry a Sharpie in my purse, but I only carry it to write notes to people who park next to me like assholes.
MARRY ME.
One of my all time favorite racks. Worth twice that.
If your tits are all you have going for you, then you should be on the e list, or lower. She's pathetic.
My tits are worth about $1.82 on a good day. As my dear old Gran would have said, if you can hoist them off the floor, more power to you.
Thanks Esteem!
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Just hit the mute button or turn your ears into vaginas (aka fold them over each other) -MK
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I can probably fit 10 dicks up my ass, but that doesn't make it right -MK on Michelle Duggar
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she is boring and stupid and I am 100% confident that I am sexier even with my 32Bs
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Mon, 03/11/2013 - 4:32pm.
Persistent Cat -- wow, I forgot just how pathetic those pictures of JFuck were. BTW, I'm a pretty brand conscious person, but what are Oakley's? I've never heard of those.
I carry a Sharpie in my purse, but I only carry it to write notes to people who park next to me like assholes. Yes, I carry pieces of scrap paper and I write notes like, "you park like an ASSHOLE!" Twatty gets crabby when people park shitty next to her car. I can also do my eyebrows in a pinch -- kidding!!!
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That's the only time I wish I had a Sharpie and a scrap piece of paper (that's not a receipt with my credit card info on it, I use those to throw out my gum).
Here's Oakley's ridiculously douchey website: http://ca.oakley.com/. I have a pair of their sunglasses but they are aviators and the logo doesn't appear anywhere on them.
Persistent Cat -- wow, I forgot just how pathetic those pictures of JFuck were. BTW, I'm a pretty brand conscious person, but what are Oakley's? I've never heard of those.
I carry a Sharpie in my purse, but I only carry it to write notes to people who park next to me like assholes. Yes, I carry pieces of scrap paper and I write notes like, "you park like an ASSHOLE!" Twatty gets crabby when people park shitty next to her car. I can also do my eyebrows in a pinch -- kidding!!!
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"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"
"Two eyes, two eyebrows."
There's a rain a-comin on the elderly woman's parade.
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Do you want a banana?
No i don't wanna
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 03/11/2013 - 2:30pm.
Submitted by Bigbendy on Mon, 03/11/2013 - 12:36pm.
Jack in the hat, as our resident breast expert, what say you?
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She's outta her fucking mind.. You know what, I'll tell ya what they're worth... a "baconator" and a round of putt-putt (9 holes only). For 5 million, they better be attached to Jennifer Aniston who has a gift certificate for a life time of free beer and whippets in one hand and my dick in the other... her tits aren't worth a mini-fridge to me...
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Jacko, I knew I could count on you. Thank you for your humble opinion. Haha ;-)
I think they're worth a lot more than that, but insuring them is ridiculous.
Persistent Cat's picture
Submitted by Persistent Cat on Mon, 03/11/2013 - 3:58pm.
Women that never shut about about their breasts are just as annoying as those people that refer to their stuff by its brand name. They never reach for their sunglasses, they reach for their Oakleys. They don't grab their purse, they grab their Louis, etc.
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Yep. Reminds me of this woman who wrote into the Sunday Trib magazine complaining about vanity sizing, because now she's a 0. It's like "Yeah, you're a zero, but not the way you think, honey."
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Women that never shut about about their breasts are just as annoying as those people that refer to their stuff by its brand name. They never reach for their sunglasses, they reach for their Oakleys. They don't grab their purse, they grab their Louis, etc.
I never thought much of her until her birthday pictures from a year or two ago. She was at lunch with friends and kept writing notes and holding them up for the paps to see. It was so sad. You could tell she called the paps, plus made the effort to bring large-ish pieces of paper and a Sharpie. I've got a lot of stupid shit in my purse but I don't have that.
I just find her so sad and pathetic.
ETA: found the link of her sad party for herself: http://dlisted.com/2012/02/22/happy-somebody-please-pay-attention-me-day...
So when you insure your body parts, what does that mean? That when your ass drops, your insurance company pays up?
Submitted by AtomicCity on Mon, 03/11/2013 - 1:35pm.
Those "eyelashes" are repulsive and I cannot stand those horrible Herve Leger bandage dresses she always wears. Having said that, when I watch her speak candidly, she comes across to me as really cute and genuine...but just a pinch of skank or something.
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LOL @ 'a pinch of skank'.
I agree - she's likeable just a teeny bit slutty. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
The other one who sleeps in her Herve Leger is Tamara Ecclestone. The chubby girls like it cuz they think it sucks in the fat. It just redistributes it like spanx.
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Yes she has nice titties no questions about it! Not too big . But how does the insurance work tho?
Why you have no boyfriend?
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Don't start none and the'll be none.
I don't understand how insuring body parts works....if they get broken, you get paid or something?
*uploads AGirl's The Jen Memo onto Youtube*
Whamo -- you found the one picture of her where she looks vaguely attractive, and where he makeup looks nice. Bravo on the picture selection. She should have stuck with whoever did her makeup there and with that look -- it's a good one. She looks much softer, and dare I say kind of pretty?
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"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"
"Two eyes, two eyebrows."
Submitted by kathleenvh on Mon, 03/11/2013 - 2:52pm.
That's Gladys kath, ignore it. ;-)
Congrats on your pregnancy! ;-)
Submitted by TexnDoc on Mon, 03/11/2013 - 2:51pm.
Has anybody insured their peen...
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I recently took out a policy with Trojans, LLC... switching to them saved me 15%, if not more.
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"I ain't a killer but don't push me, Revenge is like the sweetest joy next to gettin pussy" ~ Tupac Amaru Shakur
Submitted by Osage Okie on Mon, 03/11/2013 - 2:33pm.
I think she is pretty too.
Plus, I would wager the $5 million that there is not one woman on here that can come close to her.
Not one.
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you're an idiot
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Just hit the mute button or turn your ears into vaginas (aka fold them over each other) -MK
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I can probably fit 10 dicks up my ass, but that doesn't make it right -MK on Michelle Duggar
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This insuring body parts goes back to Mary Hart on Entertainement Tonight and her legs. I bet it's a publicity stunt that goes back to Marilyn if not further back.
Has anybody insured their peen, MK? No-No?
such an idiot. i hope her upcoming mid life crisis doesn't kill her tbh.
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Just hit the mute button or turn your ears into vaginas (aka fold them over each other) -MK
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I can probably fit 10 dicks up my ass, but that doesn't make it right -MK on Michelle Duggar
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Her tits are nice, but not 5 million nice. For 5 million, they better sing "La Vie En Rose" and squirt gold from the nipples.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
NOBODY'S TITS ARE WORTH 5 MILLION!!!! (lies, lies, lies Jen A. please accept this check for 5 mill)
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"I ain't a killer but don't push me, Revenge is like the sweetest joy next to gettin pussy" ~ Tupac Amaru Shakur
@ Twatty, Esteem
Here she is dressed down a bit. To me she looks pretty, what can I say. Yes her tits look nice. Tits aren't a deal breaker for me, I'm more of an ass man
http://cdn04.cdn.justjared.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/hewitt-diamond...
Submitted by Bigbendy on Mon, 03/11/2013 - 12:36pm.
Jack in the hat, as our resident breast expert, what say you?
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She's outta her fucking mind.. You know what, I'll tell ya what they're worth... a "baconator" and a round of putt-putt (9 holes only). For 5 million, they better be attached to Jennifer Aniston who has a gift certificate for a life time of free beer and whippets in one hand and my dick in the other... her tits aren't worth a mini-fridge to me...
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"I ain't a killer but don't push me, Revenge is like the sweetest joy next to gettin pussy" ~ Tupac Amaru Shakur
LMAO @ snuffalufagus eyes!
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"OBAMA PLEASE HELP ME I DON'T HAVE A JOB"
"NO SORRY BUT HERE'S SOME WEED AND A VOUCHER TO GET MARRIED TO YOUR UNCLE" THANKS OBAMA
Sucky 12/19
@ Whamo
'Fess up TOboy, you like her bewbs. ;-)
Whamo -- ITA with Esteem. I don't know about Walmart on a Tuesday night, that's some pretty slim pickins', but yes, you can do better. You are mesmerized by her tittays, that's it. She has a horsey face, Whams, nothing more. She's not pretty. Cute is really pushing it. Huge chin, bulbous nose, large forehead, long, horsey face, vajazzled twat. Needy, insecure, has pre-bought rings at Tiffany's. A big bag of NO!!! Life with her would be a nightmare. The only plusses are she has big boobs and money. Beyond that, she'd drive you crazy. You'd be her slave.
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"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"
"Two eyes, two eyebrows."
Well, she does have a nice rack. I guess you have to value the assets you've got accordingly.
But WTF is up with those eyelashes?! Snuffaluffagus is right!
I'll agree with her if what she's trying to say is she has no other redeeming or interesting qualities.
Submitted by Esteem on Mon, 03/11/2013 - 2:07pm
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LOL, ah what the heck, I think she pretty what can I say.
Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 03/11/2013 - 1:58pm.
I'll say it for her. You CAN do better Whams. In a Wal-mart on a Tuesday night even. ;-)