Because Lindsay Lohan’s head is filled with a coke storm of delusion, she keeps turning down plea deal after plea deal that the Santa Monica City Attorney offers her. The Santa Monica City Attorney told LiLo that if she pleads no contest to lying to the cops about driving her Porsche straight into the back of an 18-wheeler, they’d let her skip past jail and dry out in rehab for 40 days instead. LiLo did what White Oprah does when a reasonable thought fills her head: she rebuked it! Then the Santa Monica City Attorney changed that deal and offered LiLo 30 days in rehab, but she told them they can eat that deal too. And now TMZ is saying that the Santa Monica City Attorney has really come down and are offering her house arrest instead of jail or rehab time. And everybody knows what house arrest means. NON-STOP PARTYING!
TMZ’s source says that LiLo’s not-so-magical elf of a lawyer, Mark Heller, is working with prosecutors and he’s been telling them that she will accept a certain amount of house arrest. Prosecutors are willing to give her 90 days of house arrest, but Mark Heller keeps trying to talk them down. But a different source tells TMZ that Mark Heller and the prosecutors are wasting their time, because LiLo still thinks she’s one hundred percent linnocent and will turn down any kind of punishment. If they don’t agree on a plea deal, they’ll all shuffle into a court room in L.A. on March 18th. If LiLo is convicted, she could get months in jail. To which I clear my throat and say, HAHAHAHAHA!
First of all, there’s a greater chance of me farting out a 9″ inch fully functional dick than there is of Lindsay Lohan getting actual, real jail time. So of course she wants to go to trial. She gets to dress up and once again prove to everyone that the justice system is her bottom bitch. Second of all, in order to do house arrest, don’t you need a house to do it in? Bitch is homeless. Hell, they’d probably let her do house arrest at the Chateau Marmont bar. Or I guess she could do it at White Oprah’s house. No wonder she doesn’t want to take that deal. Spending 90 days in a confined space with White Oprah is the worst punishment of all.