George Clooney Is Not Renewing Stacy Keibler’s Contract

Stacy Keibler already achieved what most of George Clooney’s past red carpet escorts haven’t: she made it past more than one award season. But UsWeekly says that Stacy isn’t going to beat her own record, because she’s not going to make it to another award season. George isn’t planning on renewing her contract and he’s having a stone slab with her name on it made for the Memory Walk of Past Beards in the backyard of his Italian villa.

A source tells UsWeekly that George and Stacy are just realizing that their 18 year age difference is screwing with their relationship. 51-year-old George wants to sit on his sex ramp at home and sip on a beer while softly stroking the hair of his Brad Pitt Real Doll. 33-year-old Stacy wants to go out and party and shit. The source also says that George isn’t into Stacy’s friends, so the end is near. Pour one out for Stacy!

This was about as expected as me drunkenly passing out into a plate of Girl Scout cookie crumbs while watching an episode of Income Property last night, but I thought that Stacy might make it to another award season. As far as my ass knows, Stacy didn’t even say the M (for marriage) word! Stacy probably programmed herself to never say that word and now she’ll never be able to say it. She’s probably allergic to it. If a dude ever tries to propose to her, she’ll start getting the shakes when he slips out the M word. Just one of the many side effects of PCD (post Clooney disorder).

And more importantly, since Clooney is obviously in the mood for dumping beards, can he please dump that beard on his face too? You ain’t Topol, bitch.

Here’s Stacy at the launch of Joe Fresh for JcPenney in L.A. last night.