Bitch Got Fired: The Elisabeth Hasselback Edition

March 8, 2013 / Posted by:

Memaw Barbara Walters has finally taken her broom and swept Elisabeth Hasselcrack out the front door after 10 years. Yesterday, Joy Behar announced that she’s pulling her ass off the second chair at The View after 16 and-a-half years, because sometimes getting paid millions of dollars to do the easiest job ever gets boring. Today, both Deadline and UsWeekly say that Whoopi Goldberg, Sherri “The German” Shepherd and Memaw Walters can finally pull the plugs out of their ears, because Elisabeth Hasselcrack’s shrieking yammering will no longer be heard on The View. Elisabeth is following Joy right out the door.

Even though a spokeswhore for The View denies that Elisabeth has been given a pink slip, UsWeekly is hearing that she was dumped after test audiences said that watching a foreskin cleaning would be more pleasant than watching her. One source said:

“The viewers they polled all said she was too extreme and right wing. People did not watch the show because of Elisabeth. So they told her yesterday her contract would not be renewed.”

Did they poll a bunch of people who just woke up from being in a coma for over 10 years? How did they just figure this out? But whatever, what’s Barbara’s trash is Fox News’ newest treasure!

And here’s my choices for Hasselcrack’s replacement:

1. Ann Coulter, because I really want to see Whoopi lunge at her from across the table. I mean, we’ve all been waiting for a battle between Guinan and a malnourished Klingon.

2. Michele Bachmann, because she’d just mindlessly gaze at the camera and eventually all the other co-hosts would use her to lay their coats on the same way you use the treadmill in your bedroom to hang your coat on.

3. Callista Gingrich’s hair.

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