Afternoon Crumbs
A dude in Tokyo live-tweets his trip to the hospital after a vibrator got stuck in his ass. Yes, a vibrator got stuck in his ass. Amateur! – Daily Dot
Jessica Biel is trying to take GOOPY Paltrow’s place in the Illuminati’s inner circle – Lainey Gossip
ASkars needs to put a steak on that bruise and by a steak I mean my tongue – The Superficial
Since when did the Westboro Baptist Church get into the ATM business in Puerto Rico? – Towleroad
That chill you feel is from a crack forming on January Jones‘ icy face as she smugly smiles at Miley Cyrus’ ringless finger – Celebitchy
Mila Kunis isn’t wearing pants in Allure – Drunken Stepfather
These pictures of Mimi at an American Idol party last night have got me asking myself, “FOR WHY DIDN’T SHE NAME HER KID RAINBOW AURORA INSTEAD OF HOLLY MADISON?!” Mimi disappointed us all – Hollywood Tuna
Young Larry David, I so would. His hair is layed like EVERYTHING! – The Berry
From now on we can all celebrate March 7th as National The Day Brit Brit Wore A Bra Day – Popoholic
Somewhere in the Portland area, a middle-aged spiritual healer/women’s studies professor is looking at this Hunger Games character poster of Finnick Odair while screaming, “He stole my look!” – ICYDK
Selena Gomez’s dad used to use her as bait to pick up Hooters waitresses – IDLYITW
Topanga and her no neck from Boy Meets World are on Maxim – Just Jared
Pussies are assholes – OMG Blog
I see that Ben Affleck’s award season beard is creeping back – Popsugar
Lil Twist, the LaDonna to Justin Bieber’s Jennifer, wrecked the Biebs car – Crunk + Disorderly
That cat would rather be licking a dog’s ass during a rainstorm than pose with Eva Longoria – Moe Jackson
Sarah Jessica Parker really wants Hilary Clinton to be president – I’m Not Obsessed
(Pic via @grawly)