Jessica Simpson Announces That She’s Having A Boy By Making A Dick Joke

March 7, 2013 / Posted by:

A knocked up Jessica Simpson was on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night to promote that Fashion Dirt Star show and to also burp up about how she’s got a permanent case of the baby and still can’t believe that barebacking your man until he shoots dick sauce all over your eggs (“Isn’t that how they make Eggs Benedict?” – Jessica Simpson) makes a baby. Jessica still doesn’t know that doing a dude raw dog style can lead to pregnancy and nobody’s going to tell her, because more babies equals more MONAY for Eric Whatshisname and because Papa Joe really loves dressing up in a stork costume to sing “Look Out For Mr. Stork” to her on her due date.

After Chestica aw shucks’d about how she can’t stop making babies, she “accidentally” let it slip that she’s having a dude baby and the moment was completely natural and not-at-all staged. As Papa Joe pulled his fingers out of his twink toy’s butt so that he could cross them while wishing for Jessica to land the joke he paid writers to write for her, she said this:

“Yeah, I’ve been vomiting. The crazy thing is that I never knew that a wiener could actually make me nauseous. Oh shucks! Well I guess told the world that I’m having a boy! I just did it so crude, too. I feel awful. I talked about wieners!”

Yes, this bitch said, “Oh shucks!” It’s nice to see that the writers of Hee Haw are still getting paid to write jokes. The funny thing is, Chestica’s ass is so damn fertile that when she said the word “wiener” a second time, her third baby started forming in her womb. But Jessica should’ve saved her pre-planned joke, because we already know that she’s having a wiener baby and we already know that she’s naming him Champion Penis.

And speaking of wieners that give you the barfs, here’s Papa Joe with a twink in tow leaving Jimmy Kimmel Live last night. Papa Joe really needs to get him a twink who will tell him that looking like the least popular member of a late 80s boy band who just can’t let go of the glory days IS not the look.

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