Jessica Simpson Announces That She's Having A Boy By Making A Dick Joke
A knocked up Jessica Simpson was on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night to promote that Fashion Dirt Star show and to also burp up about how she's got a permanent case of the baby and still can't believe that barebacking your man until he shoots dick sauce all over your eggs ("Isn't that how they make Eggs Benedict?" - Jessica Simpson) makes a baby. Jessica still doesn't know that doing a dude raw dog style can lead to pregnancy and nobody's going to tell her, because more babies equals more MONAY for Eric Whatshisname and because Papa Joe really loves dressing up in a stork costume to sing "Look Out For Mr. Stork" to her on her due date.
After Chestica aw shucks'd about how she can't stop making babies, she "accidentally" let it slip that she's having a dude baby and the moment was completely natural and not-at-all staged. As Papa Joe pulled his fingers out of his twink toy's butt so that he could cross them while wishing for Jessica to land the joke he paid writers to write for her, she said this:
"Yeah, I've been vomiting. The crazy thing is that I never knew that a wiener could actually make me nauseous. Oh shucks! Well I guess told the world that I'm having a boy! I just did it so crude, too. I feel awful. I talked about wieners!"
Yes, this bitch said, "Oh shucks!" It's nice to see that the writers of Hee Haw are still getting paid to write jokes. The funny thing is, Chestica's ass is so damn fertile that when she said the word "wiener" a second time, her third baby started forming in her womb. But Jessica should've saved her pre-planned joke, because we already know that she's having a wiener baby and we already know that she's naming him Champion Penis.
And speaking of wieners that give you the barfs, here's Papa Joe with a twink in tow leaving Jimmy Kimmel Live last night. Papa Joe really needs to get him a twink who will tell him that looking like the least popular member of a late 80s boy band who just can't let go of the glory days IS not the look.
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No Papa, that is not the look.
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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The most offensive thing about this is that she thinks it's a privilege for us to know the sex of her baby. Or maybe I'm the only one who just doesn't give a fuck about celeb offspring.
VOM
*runs to toiler bowl*
papa joe looks like benjamin button with that shit mop and old face.
is papa joe reliving his gay life from the beginning? like through all the stage that a gay goes through?
for example, when he wore sleeve cut tops which were skin tight and with skin tight pants? that was the gay teen years.
and now he is moving into hipster late teens?
the reason I don't like Jessica Simpson is that she still thinks in 2013 being a 32-year-old mother that it is still cute to play the dumb blond. I don't think she is actually dumb, it is an act that made her reality star but she should drop it and act like an adult and a business woman.
Submitted by TOM F on Thu, 03/07/2013 - 12:51pm.
That pig really knows how to one-up Kate Middleton and attempt to put herself back in the news. Actually, what have you done, career-wise, in the last 10 years besides nothing? As for child you're spitting out, nobody cares, like nobody cares about your first born!
As for the dad's twinkie friend - this starFer is a cross between Zac, Justin and NPH's husband or wife.
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How ironic, that you would be criticizing Jessica Simpson for having done "nothing" in the past ten years. What has Kate Middleton EVER done, ever? Hm, well, she lost about ten to fifteen pounds and got pregnant. Amazing!
Jessica has a shitload of money and a lot of career success in business alternatives to just singing. I'd say that, despite all her Daisy Duke crap and her old cosmetic surgeries, that's pretty respectable and a good example.
Lots of celebs bug the heck out of me but Jessica is definitely not one of them. She's down to earth and a good person. At least that's how I see her.
'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'
Ken Paves could have prevented this fashion disaster.
Papa Joe looks like a sick baby bird with progeria that fell out of its nest and can't find its way back...
That guy looks like a cross between Scott Disick and Jared Leto from The Hamptons.
That was not her natural body tyepe. Her natural weight is chunky. It seems that a lot of large breasted women aren't naturally stick thin. Nothing wrong with it, but she was fighting the fat for years.
She has made tons of money off of having zero talent, so kudos to her.
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Remember when Jessica Simpson used to be hot for like two or three years? Now she looks so country bumpkin. It's not because she's pregnant, because Camilla makes pregnancy look smoking
That pig really knows how to one-up Kate Middleton and attempt to put herself back in the news. Actually, what have you done, career-wise, in the last 10 years besides nothing? As for child you're spitting out, nobody cares, like nobody cares about your first born!
As for the dad's twinkie friend - this starFer is a cross between Zac, Justin and NPH's husband or wife.
just keep in mind the reason jessica is rich is because folks buy her shoes and purses...
________________________________________________ I'm not fat...I'm cultivating mass...
She is such a ding-dong, but I still like her, always have.
Just watched the clip. Her "wiener" slip was 100% intentional. Sorry. No one talks like that without it being planned.
Is she like 7 months along already?
"Man her dad is a hot mess"
You know you're a deviant when you'd prefer the world to think you were fucking your own daughter over admitting you like peen.
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19 Cats and Counting!
THE FULL RELEASE LOOP
What the underlying loop inside all of this really is
1974 someone used satellite time and brain cephalics (same thing), to view me, in 19764
The sound of the BR
You can't script country. Sorry, but in a world of Kimyes, Bitchbeibers, and the White Oprah and Lilo.....Jessica Simpson is a breath of fresh air.
I've never been bothered by her, except when she was dating that moron Mayer. I'm sure she's a great mom, and obviously her man loves her to pieces. Everyone has to hate on everyone, even those that clearly don't deserve it. She's no dummy, she's a blonde that has played dumb. Therein lies her intelligence. She knows how to work it.
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I have to laugh to keep from crying.
man her dad is a hot mess.
Fakey fake fake
I don't understand why anyone interviews her. She has nothing to offer.
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Nothing wrong when a song ends in a minor key
Submitted by Bossy: "...Her face looks better with more neutral make up and slightly darker blonde hair. Something about her lately looks cheap."
Totally agree! This blonde is too light. And I think she looks pretty without makeup, too.
Speaking of Ace as a baby name, I just read that Carrie Underwood's dog is named Ace. She dressed him in a little pink tux for her wedding.
Her friends ain't the only ones with loose lips amirite???? ZING!
PS: her father needs a seasoned queen to take him under their wing to make him look fabulous, because homegirl is looking BEAT!
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"you chickens need to go back to the coup, you need to lay some fucking eggs and do your fucking job, you scrambled ass bitch!"-Shane Dawson
Joe is denying he's gay. Does he think we are all blind? If you're going to lie make it believable. Does he not own a mirror?
Her dad looks pathetic.
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"Bye, Whore" -MK
Papa Joe looks really skeevy to me - yuck!
I don't mind Jessica - isn't she like a 100 millionaire or something? She can't be that dumb.
She looks pretty, idk, I'm not feeling any hate. Kimmel could use a punch to his squinty ass face and Papa Joe is the real enemy - just look at him.
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19 Cats and Counting!
THE FULL RELEASE LOOP
What the underlying loop inside all of this really is
1974 someone used satellite time and brain cephalics (same thing), to view me, in 19764
The sound of the BR
Papa Joe sure does have a type doesn't he? His obsession with Chestica's tits makes SO MUCH sense now.
I still can't decide, is she really this fucking stupid or is it all part of her "schdick".
Nobody can really be this fucking stupid.
@vsminimoose, I think it's partly her weight but a lot has to do with makeup/styling. Her face looks better with more neutral make up and slightly darker blonde hair. Something about her lately looks cheap. She's also older though and for some people hotness can fade with age--face shape etc., not just body.
Oh Jessica, bless your dumb heart. Ewwww to Papa Joe and his apparent twilight-boi fetish.
I haven't watch the video and I probably won't. Chestica doesn't bother me but I could live without knowing she has "waaay too much sex" and her stupid jokes about her baby's dick.
About Kimaah Kunt, she has no soul. No dignity... no nothing! I can't help but feel bad for women (friends, cousins of mine)that have suffered a miscarriage(s) or lost an infant and how she can use that for publicity. SHOW ME THE RECEIPTS!!!!! I don't believe she is pregnant.
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Don't blame me! I voted for Kodos!
Submitted by suckandfuck on Thu, 03/07/2013 - 11:00am.
When is Papa Joe's Twinkie Poo expecting? I would like to know!
LMAO, I can't get over him and his little Beiber Boy!
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"OBAMA PLEASE HELP ME I DON'T HAVE A JOB"
"NO SORRY BUT HERE'S SOME WEED AND A VOUCHER TO GET MARRIED TO YOUR UNCLE" THANKS OBAMA
Sucky 12/19
*Puts on Cher wig and slaps Joe repeatedly*
"Snap out of it! Coming out doesn't mean you lose all sense of style and personal decency" What an embarrassment.
Get Wayne Scot Lukas STAT, it's a fashion emergency.
UGH, can't Jessica, with all her crap I see in every discount store, every item with her signature scrawled all over it, give him something to cover up...a blanket, tissues, glasses case, anything?
Submitted by Bossy on Thu, 03/07/2013 - 11:12am.
Remember when Jessica Simpson used to be hot for like two or three years? Now she looks so country bumpkin. It's not because she's pregnant, because Camilla makes pregnancy look smoking (http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/09/22/article-0-1523EB2D000005DC
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I think she is still really pretty but I just can't with the personality. She can't be completely retarded because she's rich as F with her enormo company.
I think when she slimmed down (and there was nothing to her for a couple years) for her music videos and for her role in Dukes of Hazzard she was basically working out like a psycho and starving herself. Her mom was interviewed a couple times and mentioned that producers and her agents were always harping on her to lose more, lose more. That must have sucked. But at least she has some amazing pictures to show her kids and grandkids.
Mid-life crisis? Papa Joe is having it, big time.
Remember when Jessica Simpson used to be hot for like two or three years? Now she looks so country bumpkin. It's not because she's pregnant, because Camilla makes pregnancy look smoking (http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/09/22/article-0-1523EB2D000005DC-396...).
Papa Joe should be in the main pic and whatsherface in the thumbs. He is the star now.
Joe looks like a middle aged LesBeaver.
Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Thu, 03/07/2013 - 11:02am.
HAHAHAHAHAH. Totally Ric Flair.
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Your Chick-Fil-A is showing. - ISprainedMyUvula 8/3/2012
If papa is making up for lost time, he should really star with the 70's look not the 80's
Is Joe angling for a role in a Lifetime Ric Flair biopic? I'm not understanding the look at all.
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If I see something I haven't seen before, I'll throw a dollar at it.
Haha Chaylo rent a douche. That guy looks so dur to me, but it is Jessica.
When is Papa Joe's Twinkie Poo expecting? I would like to know!
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
That was such a poorly executed slip: " I never knew that a wiener could actually make me nauseous " doesn't even make sense.
And poor Papa Joe. Don't middle-aged people know (and I'm one of them) to emphasize the looks you have rather than trying to be something you're not? He looks ridiculous.
REALLY need an open post! News is reporting that on a flight back from Paris 'Kim Kardashian was feeling ill and thought she was having a miscarriage. Since she's been traveling so much doctor is telling her to slow down for the safety of the baby'. SURE. RIGHT. And it starts!
On topic: Does Jessica have to be so damn tacky? Well, looking at Papa Joe...
" ... twink in tow", that cracked me up.
say it fast, repeatedly.
*peddles off in a mint '88 yugo*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvDQy53eldY
I guess she was jealous of Kate Middleton getting all the press about the gender of her baby. Jessica, you're no Kate and who cares anyway.
God she is annoying.
What has happened to Joe? He's outed as gay and all of a sudden he just lets himself go.
Joe Simpson is one of the few that actually looked better before he came out (well, he is still denying it but clearly he like him some peen)