Demi Moore Wants Ashton Kutcher To Pay Up

After Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore broke up over a year ago, she’s been busy doing the rehab thing, riding the beat, pouncing on young pieces and living the life, so she really hasn’t had time to file for divorce. When Ashton filed for divorce around Christmas, Demi shredded those papers up, stuffed them in her bong, took a few puffs and kept partying like it’s spring break forever! But Demi finally put her cougar coochie in hibernation and sat down with her lawyers to fill out her own divorce papers. Demi finally filed today and in the papers she basically says that she wants the accountants at Two and a Half Men to deposit Ashton’s checks into her checking account from now on, thankyouverymuch.

TMZ says that Demi isn’t only asking for alimony, but she wants Ashton to pay her attorney’s bill too. Ashton is the highest-paid actor in television and made $24 million last year, but apparently Demi Moore has way more money than him. I thought Demi blew all her money on lipo, tequila and young dick, so this is new information to me. Never underestimate the force of G.I. Jane residuals.

Demi’s lawyers and Ashton’s lawyers are currently trying to work out a settlement and TMZ doesn’t think she’s going to get a dime since her bank account bulges more than his does.

Nermal-faced philosopher Lil’ Kim once said, “Why spend mines, when I can spend yours?” That’s exactly what Demi is doing. Ashton Kutcher stuck his wandering douche dick in every 20-something trick from Escondido to Sacramento and so she’s getting his ass back. Nothing will get the taste of his side pieces’ twat juices out of Demi’s mouth like gargling on the tears that will flow down Ashton’s face when he has to write her an alimony check every month. No, Demi doesn’t deserve alimony, but if she can get it, why not? If she does, she can pull a Brandi Glanville and use Ashton’s money to de-Kutcherize her coochie by reupholstering it.