From The "Duh, Bitch" Files: Taylor Swift Is Terrified Of Being Alone
Because Anne Hathaway is off taking an extended vacation at Hedonism in Jamaica with her true love Oscar and at least one insufferable twat needs to work our last nerve at all times, Taylor Swift is still talking to magazines about the dumb shit that fills her brain on a daily basis. In case you didn't already know from the fact that Taylor Swift is a country mannequin robot who can't function unless a barely legal white boy is holding her hand, she tells InStyle UK (via DM) that at the age of 23, she is terrified of dying alone. The humorless Precious Moments figurine got all melodramatic when she spit this out to InStyle:
"What I worry about is that I never want to end up kind of a self-centred, vain human being (Ed. note: TOO LATE, BITCH!). My fears circle around me making the wrong choices and messing this up for myself. I don’t wanna end up being awful and intolerable (Ed. note: see ed. note above). Alone. Laying in a marble bathtub by myself, like sad, with a glass of wine just complaining that my life ended up alone because I pushed everyone away because I thought I was too good to hang out with anybody. The typical Hollywood sad cliché of the poor lonely starlet with no one because she put up all these walls and didn’t trust anyone. That’s my fear. And that’s why I live my life the way I live my life because I’d so much rather feel everything than end up like that."
If Taylor's life nightmare does come true and she does push everybody in her life away (by shaming their asses in a song, of course), then she'll have to push away a whole lot of people, because she says that she has at least 20 good girlfriends. She would.
"'I’m a girls’ girl. I have guy friends but the problem with having guy friends is, like, I always get linked to them and they’ll end up in a slideshow of people I’ve apparently dated on the internet. I mean, there’s all kinds of complicated things with having guys as friends. If they have a girlfriend who doesn’t like you or things like that. So I have like two or three guy friends. A select few. But I have like 20-25 really good girlfriends."
It takes me weeks upon weeks upon weeks to get together with just one good friend (and that's after both of us have canceled a million times), so I'd probably be as nuts as Taylor Swift if I had to go through that 25 times over. I already have to keep up with my own life, my dog's life, my family's life, the lives of all the dumb bitches on all the reality shit shows I watch and I'd also have to keep up with the lives of my 25 good friends?! Sweet Brown ain't got time for bronchitis and I ain't got time to deal with 25 good friends.
This is why Taylor Swift and I will always live on separate universes. She'd rather be surrounded by 25 good girlfriends and I'd rather be lying in a marble bathtub (read: an acrylic shower/tub combo) by myself with a glass of wine (read: a plastic tumbler full of that boxed wine from Target) in my hand.
Taylor thinks that becoming a regular Norma Desmond is a bad thing and that sounds like a dream to me.
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The less people around me, the less drama there is. A good book and some boxed wine sounds ok to me.
What a way to build ridicule instead of sympathy and pity. No. Constant over sharing about relationships, being creepy by buying homes near boyfriends, and cooing in extreme fairy colour does not ensure you won't be alone. Dudes are flocking to public humiliation and a cartoon fantasy relationship. Stop talking.
Submitted by Janetrenowins on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 12:19pm.
I must be completely broken. I find children annoying and reading a book in the bath tub with a glass of wine sounds pretty terrible. If I could manage to put my pc next to my tub and not kill myself, shooting zombies/ppl/everything in the face while soaking sounds pretty appealing. Beer/Mnt Dew for beverage of choice.
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Same here! Maybe get some kind of bathtub table top, with a special waterproof laptop on it. I don't like beer or Mt. Dew, though. Maybe a mixed drink or some juice/liquor with a soft drink on the side.
I mean, I don't hate reading books. I like reading books. Usually I just can't bother getting around to it, though.
Submitted by Mani6 on Thu, 03/07/2013 - 12:50am.
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Very sound advice Mani6!
I confess, I'm still finding Swifty insufferable right now...
"Girl's girl?"
Oh Chelseaaaaaaaa! ;p
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Dlisted is a finalist! http://2013.bloggi.es/ Voting closes March 17.
I love that hair cut! I gotta get it.
I dream of being alone in a bathtub, but my hubs keeps bothering me with the kids.
When you finally meet someone that you'll spend the rest of your life with the 25 friends become 5 maybe. She's still got plenty of time to rule the world...there really is no rush.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ST86JM1RPl0&list=PL3CF4967B450591CD
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If anyone is going to pee on him it's going to be me.- Nicole Kidman
Submitted by bambam on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 10:25pm.
Wait, I'm confused. Isn't that bath taking, wine and candles with a good book or music thing what people used to call "pampering" yourself?
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I love this.
Wait, I'm confused. Isn't that bath taking, wine and candles with a good book or music thing what people used to call "pampering" yourself? And some of y'all are making it seem like you're stewing in your own filth? Man, y'all are just too much. lmao!
OT: Taylor Swift? No words anymore. I'm starting to feel my synapses are getting frayed at the ends reading her bullshit.
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Cool "Disco" Dan!!!
MK: Your writing is so sharp, what a hilarious post (as usual).
taylor you are 23 years old. stop worrying about ending up alone by hitching up with every single guy who walks past you!!!
taylor is like one of my friends, she can't stand to be single, she will go out with a guy she doesn't like, just so she cant be alone and single for 1 week.
the difference is, my girlfriend doesnt buy the house next to the guy she dates, or gate crashes the family wedding, or pisses off the grandmother,
my girlfriend just needs a man accessory on her arm, she isnt crazy.
"But I have like 20-25 really good girlfriends."
Really? Because if any of them were really a good friend they would have told her to sit down and shut the fuck up by now. Unless they're all as stupid, superficial and shallow as her, which is probably the case.
I can totally picture her sitting down and actually writing out a numbered list of her "really good girlfriends."
Submitted by Mani6 on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 7:46pm.
I don’t wanna end up being awful and intolerable (Ed. note: see ed. note above). Alone.
Of course...it's much better to be awful and intolerable with someone.
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Mani, will you be awful and intolerable with me until our inevitable murder/suicide? I promise to be by your side every awful and intolerable moment. You will never be alone...save for those few seconds you blow my brains out before taking your own awful and intolerable life...I mean, it beats being alone, right?
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
I don’t wanna end up being awful and intolerable (Ed. note: see ed. note above). Alone.
Of course...it's much better to be awful and intolerable with someone.
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If anyone is going to pee on him it's going to be me.- Nicole Kidman
"Submitted by NovaNightly on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 12:39pm.
Submitted by johnnysgirl on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 12:35pm.
I think I'm the only crazy I know who doesn't like taking baths. I only take one when I need to soak sore muscles in epsom salt. And then only reluctantly."
*Pulls up a chair at johnnysgirl and NovaNightly's table.* I don't enjoy bathes either.
Taylor Swift is a halfwit who needs to better filter her thoughts.
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It hurts because you let your black heart beat for an asshole who can't even send you a "P.S. I'm about to fuck a hole that doesn't belong to you" text before fucking said hole that doesn't belong to you.
Submitted by Biht Chi Whon on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 4:32pm.
"But I have like 20-25 really good girlfriends"
I guess no one told Taylor the old adage that, if you can count your friends on one hand you're very lucky, if you can count them on two you're a fool.
Since she counts them on four, girl must be a blazing idjit.
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So true! I remember Chris Rock's bit about the Columbine shooting and it goes something like this,
The Trench Coat Mafia? These were kids that claimed they had no friends, but you look at the yearbook pictures and there's, like 12 of them. I didn't have 12 friends in highschool. Hell, I don't even have 12 friends now...and I'm RICH!"
I got news for Tay-Tay...NO ONE has 25 friends...buddies? aquaintances? ass kissers? hangers on? stealthy evil bitches? Yes. Friends? No. Sweetie, either listen to your peeps, hire new peeps or open your mouthhole only when you have something that's actually intelligent or worthy to say...(and you and your mouf hole are NEVER, NEVER, NEVER getting back together if you choose the latter, just a heads up...kay? Smooches)
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Why does every one of her recent quotes sound like excerpts from the script of "Swimfan"? Homegirl needs to *not* do interviews and stick to her muzak. The "maiden fair" act has worn thin, her tween fans are growing up and any potential famous date will think twice before ever agreeing to even going to a Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf for an amaretto with her. If this continues, she will be as memorable in a decade as Stacey Q is now (and *much* less interesting).
Quite the insufferable little twit, isn't she?
And she's every bit as deluded as White Oprah.
I bet Lena Dunham picks her up as a "good friend." Then the universe will collapse from all the rich, dumb white girl ridiculousness between the two of them.
Submitted by Lisbet459 on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 4:39pm.
Submitted by drummergrrrl on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 1:58pm.
Thanks. PF is Pulmonary Fibrosis. It's an ugly lung disease. I just had a double lung transplant 6 weeks ago, so all is good!
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Ho.
Lee.
Fuck.
*applauds drummergrrrl*
God, I hope that works out for you.
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Thanks!! Haha, you and me both!!! So far so good, Im walking unassisted for the first time in 5 years, I can't ask for it to get much better than that!
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There's nothing nice in my head - the adult world took it all away.
Um, I am that woman who sits alone in the bathtub with a glass of wine and LOVES IT. And I'm 27 years old. And I've been doing this since I was 23. And I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Because sometimes I just need some alone time. It doesn't mean that I'm always alone or that I'm even lonely. There's something called "balance" in life, Tay Tay. And spending time with yourself by yourself because you like being with yourself is not something to scorn. Maybe you should try it?
www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack
"NEEELYYYY OHARAAAAAAA!!!!"
-Taylor Swift in 5 years...
I can tune out other people pretty easily--I credit riding public transportation for most of life on that one....A glorious hour each way of peace.
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What was Pimp Mama Kris going to say? That Daniel Craig worked to get the career he has while the Kardashians' fame was handed to them on a glove that didn't fit?--MK
By "20-25 really good girlfriends," I expect she's referring to the plastic My Little Ponies and unicorns scattered on her bed, or the 20-25 random girls her handlers pay to pretend to be Taylor's "girlfriends."
Really, does anyone think any girl would choose freely to be this neurotic ho's friend? Uh-uh - not unless there are major gift bags at the end of every "get-together."
Submitted by drummergrrrl on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 1:58pm.
Thanks. PF is Pulmonary Fibrosis. It's an ugly lung disease. I just had a double lung transplant 6 weeks ago, so all is good!
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Ho.
Lee.
Fuck.
*applauds drummergrrrl*
God, I hope that works out for you.
idiots drive me loco - i took up running not long ago simply because my kids are too young to do it with me.
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watching hardcore ufos
"But I have like 20-25 really good girlfriends"
I guess no one told Taylor the old adage that, if you can count your friends on one hand you're very lucky, if you can count them on two you're a fool.
Since she counts them on four, girl must be a blazing idjit.
Why does Swift keep doing these interviews? Does she really believe she's that interesting? She does not even qualify as an individual, she's a type.
I don't care to take the time to, but has anybody else googled it to confirm her claim that "she's only dated 2 people since 2010" is total bullshit. I don't remember her ever being single for longer than a few weeks and if she only dated Connor for 2 months and Harry for 2 months that means she has been single 21 of the last 25 months...bullshit
A grain elevator's worth of delusion lives in her head. That being said, she probably will end up all alone - bwaaaaaaahaaaaaaa!
She thinks about herself wayyy too much. We already know everything about her life because she writes down everything that happens to her in song form. Can magazines stop interviewing her already? I mean she's just not that deep. We don't need to hear every thought about herself that pops into her little head. And no way she has 25 really good friends. Most people have one or two and if you have one consider yourself blessed.
after some of the assholes I wasted my life on, sitting in a tub by myself does not sound half bad..she is young and naive, but she needs to stop interviewing because she comes off as a bigger cunt than AnnE, and that is hard to do.
Tinyhands: THIS is exactly what happens when someone very young becomes extremely famous practically overnight. She comes across as SO pretentious, so self-absorbed.
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No, not always. No one ever on this planet had the overnight success at such a young age as Elvis. And through out his entire life, he retained his kindness, his humility and his compassion for people. If he could do it giving his humble beginnings, there is no excuse why these pampered punks of today cannot.
LOVE the Nickleback comments. I thought I was only person who hated them with a passion.
I am home. This is my home.
"she turned away, what was she looking at? She was a Sour Girl the day that she met me"
STP No. 4
@ idiots drive me loco, haha that sounds like a good idea. I hate when crazy, loud, or performing people ruin the silence on the subway though (but I am appreciative that cellphones don't work down there). I understand friends talking to each other like they're next to each other (because they are) but I hate when people feel the need to put on a show. Also, I've noticed that so many people will be deaf soon because I can ALWAYS hear their music even though they have earphones on.
How do I say....hmmm
THIS is exactly what happens when someone very young becomes extremely famous practically overnight. She comes across as SO pretentious, so self-absorbed. Taylor, you may have been around the world, but that does not make your worldly-wise NOR a woman of the world. That takes experience and some road miles, honey.
This chick can go in same pigeon hole as AnnE Hathaway. as in Bitch, get OVAH yourself already. So what?
"she turned away, what was she looking at? She was a Sour Girl the day that she met me"
STP No. 4
I love sitting in a bubble bath with a glass of Shiraz. And I make no apologies about it.
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A Lannister always pays his debts.
what Hekki and Fredfred said. I know this is SOOOO un pc for a mom to say, but I ride public transportation to work solely to have some effing time to myself to read, do crosswords, and what have you.
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
What was Pimp Mama Kris going to say? That Daniel Craig worked to get the career he has while the Kardashians' fame was handed to them on a glove that didn't fit?--MK
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
"DUH Bitch"
Oh T.Swift, you dullard. Can her publicist or agent not reign her in? For at least 3 months minimum. By then we won't automatically risk injuring our eye from the auto-roll function we're all set at right now, whenever this bitch talks.
My 1cent; regarding chicks with all guy friends. . . stay in the friend circle she's suctioned to, until, it's your chance to wax that ass. Those chicks are usually, predictably HOMIE HOPPERS ! !
Submitted by Hotmami on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 2:05pm.
I would love to get enough alone time to sit in a tub with a bottle of wine. Seriously.
After a long week I've done that setup for my husband. Scrubbed the tub clean, bubble bath, tea candles, music, wine, the works. It's nice to do that kind of thing together but sometimes when life is tough I think it's good to do that alone and just relax in a warm bath. Do it for yourself, do it for someone else, tell someone else to do it for you, it's just good. Bonus points for following it up with a massage.
she truly is delusional if she thinks all 20-25 of those people are "really good friends"
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Submitted by Gardening Girl on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 1:04pm.
I'd rather listen to Nickleback on full blast than hang with this immature twat.
*sits next to GG. i'll take a Nickelback-Train-Kei$ha marathon, please*
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Why does she always have her mouth open, showing her two giant woodchuck teeth? She looks like she has an I.Q. of 70.
http://www.vinmag.com/online/media/gbu0/prodlg/AP1019-kitsch-record-girl...
She reminds me of "big eyed art" popular in the 60's.
I think we're good with the Taylor Swift updates for a while now, thanks MK, no more please for a while.
She looks cute enough in pics, but in "Valentine's Day" she looked like a rodent. It took me several minutes to recognize her.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
I would love to get enough alone time to sit in a tub with a bottle of wine. Seriously.
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Every saint has a past and
Every sinner has a future
Ewe and Dawn Davenport....me three!!! I have everything except the doobie. :(
It's too stressful and drama-filled when you have more than one good friend. I'll take the book, wine, bathtub and alone time every day.
* 100% hotness verified by WHAMO. :P *
www.poopreport.com :)
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RIMADYL KILLS
Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 2:00pm.
Thank you!!!
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There's nothing nice in my head - the adult world took it all away.
drummergrrrl ! OH WOW! best of health for you in the future!
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"OBAMA PLEASE HELP ME I DON'T HAVE A JOB"
"NO SORRY BUT HERE'S SOME WEED AND A VOUCHER TO GET MARRIED TO YOUR UNCLE" THANKS OBAMA
Sucky 12/19
Submitted by Lisbet459 on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 1:39pm.
Thanks. PF is Pulmonary Fibrosis. It's an ugly lung disease. I just had a double lung transplant 6 weeks ago, so all is good!
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There's nothing nice in my head - the adult world took it all away.
She probably envisioned this after seeing "Shoot the Moon" with Diane Keaton sitting in a tub with wine and candles singing old Beatles' songs after Albert Finney has left her for his lover.
She really needs to stop being interviewed. It is doing the opposite of what she thinks is happening.