UPDATE: Charlie Sheen Is Not Going To Be Lindsay Lohan’s Life Coach

March 4, 2013 / Posted by:

Over the weekend, Charlie Sheen continued to use LiLo’s name to get some free publicity by openly declaring that he wants to take LiLo under his cracked out wing and show her the way. Charlie proclaimed his love for LiLo and said that they are practically the same, because he’s the kind of john who will pay a hooker $1,000 to snort a bump of coke out of his butt with her cooch and she’s the kind of hooker who will snort a bump of coke out of a john’s butt with her cooch for $1,000. They’re soulmates. But TMZ says that LiLo is telling her friends that Charlie is not going to be her life coach and he needs to shut his damn mouth:

Sources close to LiLo tell TMZ … while she appreciates everything Sheen has done for her — and he’s done a lot — she would NEVER take him as a mentor. She’s saying she knows her life is “out of control,” but doesn’t think the precept, “It takes one to know one,” is the way to go.

She says she’s grateful Charlie gave her $100k for her back taxes and supported her in “Scary Movie 5.” Lindsay says she talks to Charlie from time to time … but gripes he has no business talking about her to the media.

According to our sources, Lindsay has been regularly meeting with a therapist and feels the consistency has helped.

LiLo hasn’t stabbed a psychic in the neck with a broken bottle in over a week and she knows being around Charlie isn’t the best thing for her, so maybe this therapist (aka her week night dealer) is helping her after all. I mean, Charlie’s backyard pool is filled with the bad shit, vodka pours out of every faucet in his house, his bidet shoots out liquid meth and next to every tub is a bag full of bath salts (the drug, not the skin soother) and LiLo turned all of that down. LiLo could’ve lived in the Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory of crack houses, but she said no.

Or maybe she had her one moment of clarity and realized that sucking on Charlie’s soggy tampon dick for unlimited supplies of coke is not worth it. She’ll get her own coke herself. Either way, our little crackie is growing up!

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