Charlie Sheen Wants To Be Lindsay Lohan's Mentor
Seen her in Dublin telling the paps about the first time he gazed deep up into Lindsay Lohan's black hole of cooch, Charlie Sheen is telling TMZ that he wants to be LiLo's permanent Captain-Save-A-Ho and he thinks he'd be the perfect mentor. Yeah, I don't know if Charlie wants to be her actual mentor or if he's confusing the meaning of "mentor" with the meaning of "pimp" again. If it's the latter, he'll have to win LiLo by pimp fighting White Oprah near the dumpsters in back of the T.G.I. Friday's on Long Island.
Charlie has already bailed a ho out by giving LiLo $100,000 to pay her taxes and he gave her a guest spot on his show Anger Management, and now he's telling TMZ that he wants to help that freckled vodka stain full-time. LiLo's cracked out knight in aluminum foil armor shat out these words to TMZ about helping out a fellow fuck-up:
"I have a kinship with somebody [Lindsay] who clearly needs a mentor, whether she wants one or not. She can continue to hang out with her dress shredding club buddies, or turn to me for some advice from a guy who's been down the road as well as every other side trail on the journey. If she listens, she'll win. If she doesn't, that's on her."
I love her, I respect her, and I've never laid a finger on her that wasn't on film. How ya like me now, America?"
Never laid a finger on her? That bandaged thumb tells me otherwise, because any finger that touches LiLo's crotch gets burned. And that whole line translates into, "Well, she sucked me off once, so technically I am telling the truth. No fingers were involved."
LiLo should take him up on his offer, because why the hell not? Spending at least 5 minutes with LiLo's annoying ass will make Charlie snort up every line of coke in the L.A. area and he'll pass out. Then while he's knocked out, LiLo can get into his computer and wire everything in his checking account to her account on the Caymans. It'll be her greatest heist yet.
But really, you know you've found the rock bottom of rock bottom when Charlie Sheen thinks he can help you to be a responsible and sober person.
And here's Charlie, his stack of foreskin chins and his piece of the moment Georgia Jones in his Dublin, Ireland last night.
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Speaking of his closet hooker. She's @misscnicole on Twitter. She makes NO secret of her hooking or her clients. Last one she really bragged about was the dentist she sat next to on an airplane who gave her vertigo medicine that she got super stoned off of. Her Twitter is private but worth a follow. She checks in EVERYWHERE via yelp,if someone was planning to rob her blind she's not hard to find. Guys will certainly love the pictures of "kpuff" she posts. Girlfriend has no shame, attempts suicide live via webcam when her drugs run out. Her porn name was Kacey Jordan.
Yep, same Kacey Jordan that TMZ reported is filing bankruptcy. She charges, and gets $1k per hour. Now she's something else.
Also, Charlie Sheen is taking on the human version of Quagmire appearance. Giggity.
I'm in recovery, I sure could use a mentor with deep pocket accounts. I'm going to relentlessly tweet him until he agrees to be my mentor and offer me a part instead. I'm sober, at this point I'm a better actress than Lindsay. And I would be a dream to work with. No special demands, no tantrums. And dammit, people love me. I'll win captain save a hoe over quickly. :P
Lindsay is a rude little bitch, thankless. She's come out and said she wishes Charlie would just shut up. Screw that smelly, 2 pack a day brat.
I really hope that little girl is at least 16. It looks to me like she's significantly younger.
@ loopy -- have a great birthday and trip! don't do anything jack would do! ;-) xo
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
AAAAAANNNNND, she's already turned him down. What a stupid ass. Turning down free money. SMH.
Who is the poor lost soul in the pic with him and why is she so underage and touching him this seems very inappropriate and skeevy I would freakin die!!!!2!1!
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"I ain't a killer but don't push me, Revenge is like the sweetest joy next to gettin pussy" ~ Tupac Amaru Shakur
Submitted by HeddaHopper on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 10:12am.
Lindsay & Dina would be fools to turn this down. With all his "shortcomings" Charlie is filthy rich.
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this be true. He has a massive checking account especially for hookers and hobos.
Lindsay & Dina would be fools to turn this down. With all his "shortcomings" Charlie is filthy rich. Literally. Filthy. and Rich. All the child support and alimony in the world won't make a dent in his bank account. I'd have the paparazzi stationed outside his house waiting for the moving van to pull up.
Submitted by anonymous7643 on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 8:52am.
his trick (who the hell dates charlie sheen?) looks like the 20 y/o female version of david duchovny
Omg I was thinking the same exact thing!!!! How can she have the same exact face and not be related!!! David knocked up this trick's mom!
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Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie
Submitted by chinchilla on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 9:03am.
i see this potentially going in a whole other direction. if anyone has the ability to make Carlos embrace the light and become a born again Christian it's LiLo.
lolllllll. You're undoubtedly right.
who is this fresh faced 12 year old he's dating now?
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"OBAMA PLEASE HELP ME I DON'T HAVE A JOB"
"NO SORRY BUT HERE'S SOME WEED AND A VOUCHER TO GET MARRIED TO YOUR UNCLE" THANKS OBAMA
Sucky 12/19
carlos is repulsive...lilo is disgusting...
_____________________________________________ I'm not fat...I'm cultivating mass...
i see this potentially going in a whole other direction. if anyone has the ability to make Carlos embrace the light and become a born again Christian it's LiLo.
haha talk about the crackie leading the crackie.
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 5:00am.
Submitted by loopygorilla on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 3:21am.
after a few cocktails, I can basically dance the same as Beyonce...
Have cocktails with me in London some day.
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but at least im a happy tipsy drunk :)
his trick (who the hell dates charlie sheen?) looks like the 20 y/o female version of david duchovny
Lindsay Lohan is as cracked out as her parents. If she was normal, she would have sought out other mentors.
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"Bye, Whore" -MK
Submitted by loopygorilla on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 3:21am.
after a few cocktails, I can basically dance the same as Beyonce...
Have cocktails with me in London some day.
Fuck it, it's not like her life could get any worse.
OMFG! I thought that was his daughter (his oldest kid). Is she even 16? Gross!
Charlie is a true 100% str8 tuna-sniffing , fish-fucking realman.
We (HEART) Charlie!
Good idea, bad idea, who knows. But I LOLed at "dress shredding club buddies".
Submitted by veryoldbat on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 12:29am.
Loopy.. Well lets go dancing.. And light up the town
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i don't normally dance cuz I'm a shy one.
but after a few cocktails, I can basically dance the same as Beyonce... oh yeah im not ashamed to admit it.
oh god! how embarrasing!
Submitted by theresapop on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 2:50am.
If Carlos is so willing to give his money away he should give it too the less privledged the homeless or abused woman program..if he wants to be a mentor he needs to be a big brother to high risk kids to show them the pitfalls of drugs but he still remains a dipshit if he wants to save another wreck who has spent their whole life in privledge...
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yes, true, but that would mean carlos can't fuck hookers, prostitutes, and porn stars.
i know its his money and not ours, but look at it from his warped world, helping the people who really need it, doesn't give you 30 seconds of publicity, unlike having a porn starlet hanging off you in a father/daughter creepy pose.
Submitted by WithinReason... on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 1:34am.
dah dah its my birthday soon, which is why im celebrating by going on a crazy all business class holiday lol, you dont turn 30 every day, so why the hell not!
If Carlos is so willing to give his money away he should give it too the less privledged the homeless or abused woman program..if he wants to be a mentor he needs to be a big brother to high risk kids to show them the pitfalls of drugs but he still remains a dipshit if he wants to save another wreck who has spent their whole life in privledge...
Hello Bored, sorry you feel ill. If you're that out of breath and disoriented, then it sounds like you have pneumonia. That should be seen quickly. You'll possibly need a course of anti-biotics and steroids and maybe an inhaler. I hope you feel well and seek medical help soon.
Submitted by WithinReason... on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 2:05am.
Night Vob ღღღ
@Boredas, hope you're sleeping by now.
Turning in as well. Good night all!
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Thanks Within, not quite, I'm gonna try and take another hot shower. Night VOB...Night everybody else...
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"you chickens need to go back to the coup, you need to lay some fucking eggs and do your fucking job, you scrambled ass bitch!"-Shane Dawson
Night Vob ღღღ
@Boredas, hope you're sleeping by now.
Turning in as well. Good night all!
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Dlisted is a finalist! http://2013.bloggi.es/ Voting closes March 17.
Submitted by veryoldbat on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 12:59am.
You have a good point. RDJ comes across as somebody who knows what love is, even if it was fucked up sometimes. Blohan? Not so much.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Boredas, if a taxi can't come get you and no one in the family can step up. Ambulance probably will charge you a fortune. Smdh. Keep your throat elevated at least and try to sleep. Boy, some families... I'm sorry it's so bad.
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Dlisted is a finalist! http://2013.bloggi.es/ Voting closes March 17.
Night TR..Withy Bored..
http://macklemore.com/
Now is the time. You're not promised tomorrow. -PR
Submitted by WithinReason... on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 1:34am.
@Boredas, any Walgreen's type pharmacy should have someone on duty. At least to let you know if it's serious... You sound really sick.
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I am. I know I need to get to a hospital, there is just no way I can walk there. It's only 10 minutes away, but, it's through muddy fields and a shitty gravely road. I went to the coke machine outside to get a soft drink because I am currently out of liquids because I have downed everything in my home trying to stay hydrated and keep my throat moist, and that was a 2-3 minute walk at most, by the time I finally got upstairs to my place, I was so out of breath and disoriented, I don't even know how I made it upstairs. There is no way in hell I can walk 10 minutes on rougher terrain. My mom is either gonna have to bring me(I'm to weak to even argue with her at this point), or I'll see if my friend has class tomorrow, and if she doesn't,I'll ask if she could bring me. I have so much stuff to do this week, including that bullshit with the ss office on tuesday, it's just gonna suck. *Sigh* I've taken at least 2 showers today just alleviate some of the soreness, and will be taking a 3rd before I shut it down for another miserable sleepless night.
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"you chickens need to go back to the coup, you need to lay some fucking eggs and do your fucking job, you scrambled ass bitch!"-Shane Dawson
Nighty night TR. Feel better too.
*swallows phlegm quietly* SNORRRRRRT
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Dlisted is a finalist! http://2013.bloggi.es/ Voting closes March 17.
VOB, Loopy's having a birthday soon?? SAY WHAT? PARTY CENTRAL!!!!!
@Boredas, any Walgreen's type pharmacy should have someone on duty. At least to let you know if it's serious... You sound really sick.
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠♡░░░░
Dlisted is a finalist! http://2013.bloggi.es/ Voting closes March 17.
Oh gotcha Vob. Sorry. Can't Boredas take an ambulance? Waiting could make things worse!
@Boredas, could you please call a pharmacist on duty and ask them if you're unsure. If there is one nearby they could at least take a look. Maybe call ER for you!!
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠♡░░░░
Dlisted is a finalist! http://2013.bloggi.es/ Voting closes March 17.
Submitted by WithinReason... on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 1:21am.
@Boredas, are you unwell? Is it the ulcer? Didn't you have it checked out girl? could be serious, you know?
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It's not the ulcer this time. My guess would be upper respiratory related... Definitely more than a sinus infection. I usually never go to the hospital for shit like this. And this is from someone who spent years taking the bus to and from college, sometimes in the rain, getting soaked, and sick, and at one point had a shitter A/C/heating system than I do now, and never this sick. Kind of odd fucked up timing huh? The time I'm finally done with school is the time I become the most sick?
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"you chickens need to go back to the coup, you need to lay some fucking eggs and do your fucking job, you scrambled ass bitch!"-Shane Dawson
finally watched "The Hunger Games" today. such a lazy day i've had, bubelehs!
i'm feeling under the weather still myself so i am going back to the movie couch.
take care, all. hope you feel better bored and VOB.
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God don't like ugly.
Withy.. If I'm telling Bored to go...
She needs to go... Do they have urgent care at your
ER? THere has to be a way to get you there in the morning.
Now is the time. You're not promised tomorrow. -PR
Bambam, what's that about your Sugar Daddy legs? hahaha Good night sleepy ho.
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠♡░░░░
Dlisted is a finalist! http://2013.bloggi.es/ Voting closes March 17.
VOB, not sure where you mean. Let me know whereabouts if you want me to see it Batty.
@Boredas, are you unwell? Is it the ulcer? Didn't you have it checked out girl? could be serious, you know?
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠♡░░░░
Dlisted is a finalist! http://2013.bloggi.es/ Voting closes March 17.
Night Bammers.. See you tomorrow
Now is the time. You're not promised tomorrow. -PR
Hi di ho my widdle sloots. Go to bed now, only thing open this time of night is legs.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1r42Abu_IF8
See ya on the week!
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youdownwitopp?(yeahuknowme)youdownwitopp?(yeahuknowme)youdownwitopp?(yeahuknowme)who'sdownwitopp(allthehomies!)
VOB you are not wrong. Prob is she is no longer functioning and no one around her seems competent enough to do the right thing on her behalf. RDJ says he was totally alone when he bottomed out. But he also went to jail. No one seems to want to put Lohan in there. Not sure why.
OK. Bored can anyone get you to the ER tomorrow?
You really need to go and get this checked out.
Now is the time. You're not promised tomorrow. -PR
Woah, that statement of Charlie's raises nothing but red flags. Keep a lid on it Charlie!
He's being too generous. Highly doubt that Lohan will take advantage and improve her situation, so.... And that other girl isn't one of his daughters?? *side-eye*
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠♡░░░░
Dlisted is a finalist! http://2013.bloggi.es/ Voting closes March 17.
Edie's..edited..TMII.. But I hope you read it before I pulled it..
We are all looking forward to tomorrow's OP..
And we have to plan a bday party .. Virtual.. For Loopy!
Now is the time. You're not promised tomorrow. -PR
Submitted by veryoldbat on Mon, 03/04/2013 - 12:26am.
Boredas..will your Mom take you in the morning?
I'm so sorry hon. Do you have a temp?
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I asked her today to take me, and she told me she was sick and on her monthly or some stupid shit, and made up some excuse, yet somehow she'll be well enough to take my uncle to his doctor appointment on Monday(mind you my aunt is capable of driving and has 2 vehicles); I honestly should be mad at her, but she's always been this fucking selfish, and wonders why we're not close. When she was so sick in the hospital with her blood issues, I actually worried for that selfish cunt. Sorry for the rant.:/
EDIT: So far my temp is pretty normal...it stays between 98.7-98.8ish. I'm not coughing up blood or anything like that, my throat is currently not killing me right now because I am sucking on ice cubes, but I feel weak because 1.) my right ear hurts and 2.) my lungs/chest area feel extremely heavily and uncomfortable. I took advil for my head.
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"you chickens need to go back to the coup, you need to lay some fucking eggs and do your fucking job, you scrambled ass bitch!"-Shane Dawson
VOB, what's Eddie's? Are you off to sleep? NIght to you! Sleep well.
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠♡░░░░
Dlisted is a finalist! http://2013.bloggi.es/ Voting closes March 17.