Vanilla Ice Did It Better

March 1, 2013 / Posted by:

Looking like the last place winner of a kindergarten Vanilla Ice look-alike contest, the tampon string hanging out of Canada’s cooch, Justin Bieber, went back to his hotel in London last night with his ass and nipples hanging out. There are so many things wrong with this.

Not only should those periwinkle-ass Thriller pants have never been born, but the Biebs needs to pull them up, because he’s a big kid now! Mommy wow! Nobody wants to see his toddler ass hanging out (“Type for yourself” – Usher). And why is always hunched over like a perma-stoned ape who just had super sloppy butt sex and is trying to squat walk to the toilet before it’s too late? And why is he always making faces like he’s got serious menstrual cramps or like he knows he should’ve fingered the hole before taking more than the tip? That’s the “I knew I shouldn’t have bit off more than I can chew” face most newbie bottoms make.

On a positive note, at least I don’t see any skid marks. He’ll get that potty training diploma in no time.

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