Lindsay Lohan Is Still Making Wonderful Decisions

February 28, 2013 / Posted by:

I recognize that look on White Oprah’s face. That’s the “should I barf first and then pass out or should I pass out and then barf in my sleep?” face. Always go with the former, because sometimes a puddle of barf will cushion your fall.

Lindsay Lohan obviously lied to the cops about driving her Porsche right into an 18 wheeler and she was probably drunk while doing it, but she’s sticking with her best friend Delusion and claiming that she’s linnocent! The prosecutors in the case offered to keep LiLo out of a jail cell if she agreed to go to rehab for 60 days and do community service in New York. LiLo’s buffoon of a lawyer, Mark Heller, and the prosecutors spent part of their day yesterday working out the plea deal over the phone, but nothing came of it. Mark shook his head no to the deal and when prosecutors dropped the rehab time from 60 days to 30 days, he still shook his little head no. TMZ says that if it were only up to Mark Heller, he’d take the plea deal, but LiLo refuses to, because she thinks she doesn’t have a problem and didn’t do anything wrong.

A source says that LiLo isn’t going to take a plea deal, because she feels like she’s accepting punishment for something she didn’t do. The prosecutors don’t really care if LiLo doesn’t take the plea deal, because they’re ready to go to trial on March 18th.

Let’s try to look at this from LiLo’s blood shot, blurry eyes. If she does take a plea deal, she’ll have to do the following:

1. Sit in rehab without the paparazzi keeping her relevant by taking her picture every 45 seconds.
2. Sit in rehab without enablers pouring free booze into her drink hole.
3. Sit in rehab without enablers sucking on her dehydrated apricot ass lips while telling her that she’s going to have the comeback of all comebacks.

Or she can tell them to eat that plea deal and do the following instead:

1. Put on a designer court outfit bought with a stolen credit card.
2. Smile for the cameras as dozens of paparazzi take her picture as she strolls onto the great big stage called a court room.
3. Become the headliner and star of TMZ’s live feed from the court room.
4. Put on her best “I’m totally going to do right this time, your honor” face while hiding her inner smirk as the judge finds her guilty and sentences her to a lifetime of doing what she’s always been doing.
5. Celebrate by doing tequila shots off her Porsche’s steering wheel as she speeds down PCH!

Hmmm…I wonder which option she’s going to go with?

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