January Jones Strikes Again?

February 27, 2013 / Posted by:

Miley Cyrus is sharpening her chipmunk teeth on a rock and Tish Cyrus is dipping her hooves in glue and glass, because they’re coming for Liam Hemsworth that dick-stealing ice cold hussy harlot January Jones!

Miley’s betrothed Liam Hemsworth went to a pre-Oscar party at Chateau Marmont on Saturday night and Star (via Radar) says that he was all over January Jones. Miley wasn’t with him at the time or we’d probably be reading about how January was seen running down the driveway of Chateau Marmont as a rabid, foaming-at-the-mouth chipmunk chased after her.

A witness type says that party guests were all clutching their Tampax pearls while watching Liam and January get close. They weren’t even trying to hide it and the witness said that they had some “hot chemistry.” The witness type went on to say that they were all over each other and even kissed lips at one point.

At the end of the night, January and Liam got into the back seat of the same car and drove away together.

There are a million explanations for this. Maybe Miley and Liam broke up? Maybe Miley and Liam have one of those open relationship and she lets him dip his tongue in frozen twats and he lets her dip her tongue in twats? Maybe January Jones is a serious environmentalist and insists on carpooling to save money on gas? Maybe this eyewitness type was snorting that Lohan powder and had no idea what they were seeing, because it’s kind of impossible for human icicle January Jones to have “hot” chemistry with anyone.

But then again, the magic phrase that opens up January’s legs is, “You do know I have a fiancee (or wife), right?”

Since Sienna Miller is busy being a boring family woman now, somebody has to be Hollywood’s premiere home wrecker and it might as well be January Jones.

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