TMZ says that right after Lindsay Lohan crashed her Porsche into an 18-wheeler on PCH, police found a bottle of booze lying next to her car and one officer said the smell of alcohol was wafting out of her mouth. LieLo told the cops that she wasn’t driving the Porsche, but a bunch of witnesses saw her driving and said she switched places with her assistant right after she butt fucked the 18-wheeler hard. The police didn’t give LiLo a Breathalyzer test, because they knew it would explode if she blew into it and they didn’t want to deal with broken equipment. They didn’t give her a sobriety test at the time, because they thought she was a passenger and there’s nothing illegal about being a drunk passenger. (If there was, I’d be on death row.) They also didn’t give her a sobriety test, because they knew she’d fail and they’d waste their time by arresting her since nothing ever happens to her.
Before LiLo’s dumb ass fired Shawn Holley without knowing it, Shawn was working on a plea deal in the case. After Shawn told LiLo that she’d rather suck off a lamprey than continue to be her lawyer, the plea deal was taken off of the table. But LiLo’s new lawyer, that buffoon Mark Heller, is currently negotiating a new plea deal that’ll keep her ass out of the clink. The Santa Monica Attorney is offering LiLo 60 days in rehab and community service in New York if she pleads no contest to lying to the cops about driving her Porsche. They also want LiLo to go to a bunch of AA meetings. Mark Heller and the SM Attorney are expected to make a deal today…maybe.
So to recap: this freckled piece of foreskin lint was most likely driving drunk and she lied to the cops, and she’s still not going to jail. I used to think that coming out of White Oprah’s snatch was a curse, but I guess it was a gift. You get to do whatever the hell you want.
And I bet that part of the deal is that the LAPD will have to give LiLo two bottles of vodka. One bottle of vodka is for the bottle of vodka she had to pour out on the side of the road when the cops showed up after she crashed her Porsche into that semi. The second bottle of vodka is for ruining her buzz by asking her a bunch of questions after she crashed her Porsche into that semi. I mean, can’t the cops just let Lindsay Lohan drive drunk in peace! (Apparently, they can and they are.)