But Doesn't Lindsay Lohan Always Smell Like Booze?
TMZ says that right after Lindsay Lohan crashed her Porsche into an 18-wheeler on PCH, police found a bottle of booze lying next to her car and one officer said the smell of alcohol was wafting out of her mouth. LieLo told the cops that she wasn't driving the Porsche, but a bunch of witnesses saw her driving and said she switched places with her assistant right after she butt fucked the 18-wheeler hard. The police didn't give LiLo a Breathalyzer test, because they knew it would explode if she blew into it and they didn't want to deal with broken equipment. They didn't give her a sobriety test at the time, because they thought she was a passenger and there's nothing illegal about being a drunk passenger. (If there was, I'd be on death row.) They also didn't give her a sobriety test, because they knew she'd fail and they'd waste their time by arresting her since nothing ever happens to her.
Before LiLo's dumb ass fired Shawn Holley without knowing it, Shawn was working on a plea deal in the case. After Shawn told LiLo that she'd rather suck off a lamprey than continue to be her lawyer, the plea deal was taken off of the table. But LiLo's new lawyer, that buffoon Mark Heller, is currently negotiating a new plea deal that'll keep her ass out of the clink. The Santa Monica Attorney is offering LiLo 60 days in rehab and community service in New York if she pleads no contest to lying to the cops about driving her Porsche. They also want LiLo to go to a bunch of AA meetings. Mark Heller and the SM Attorney are expected to make a deal today...maybe.
So to recap: this freckled piece of foreskin lint was most likely driving drunk and she lied to the cops, and she's still not going to jail. I used to think that coming out of White Oprah's snatch was a curse, but I guess it was a gift. You get to do whatever the hell you want.
And I bet that part of the deal is that the LAPD will have to give LiLo two bottles of vodka. One bottle of vodka is for the bottle of vodka she had to pour out on the side of the road when the cops showed up after she crashed her Porsche into that semi. The second bottle of vodka is for ruining her buzz by asking her a bunch of questions after she crashed her Porsche into that semi. I mean, can't the cops just let Lindsay Lohan drive drunk in peace! (Apparently, they can and they are.)
• 
Mrs j
Maybe next time she'll drive off the PCH
Cunt is like my Fuckin piece of shit brother-in law. Get busted for 2lbs of heroin never did a day in jail. Cracken could be a snitch.
omg we've been down this road sooooo many times. I'm tired y'all.
me no care no more.
Submitted by dementa on Thu, 02/28/2013 - 1:04am.
Why do they still let her get away with this shit? She's infamous instead of really famous, she is broke, she barely even works anymore. Why does she still get a pass from the CA legal system? It's not like she's a superstar!
_____________________________________________
I hear you. But, it's completely our fault. You, me, everyone that's ever written a comment about her.
We are the ones responsible for keeping her relevant.
We have the power to make her and a few others disappear yet we seem to be powerless when it comes to just stop writing in.
If we decided to not write a goddam thing about her, every website would absolutely drop her in a second (except Harvey) and stop reporting about her. Christ, she hasn't done a fucking thing in years and yet she's on a multitude of websites each and every fucking day with more comments than many actual celebrities combined.
I don't get it. What the hell is the matter with us?
I move, that we do not respond to a Lohan story for a month for starters.
Make it so when we see a Lohan story, the number of comments show a big fat 0.
I know this will be impossible because there will always be the idiots that chime in with all the useless comments ( yikes and First ) as well as the spammers who make so much money they have the time to post recruitment comments to take $$$ away from themselves.
But if we band together this lush will disappear.
Why do they still let her get away with this shit? She's infamous instead of really famous, she is broke, she barely even works anymore. Why does she still get a pass from the CA legal system? It's not like she's a superstar!
*********
I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Wow! Coke is so versatile! Lilo doesn't just snort it. She applied a bit under her eyes to cover dark circles, on the sides of her face to create silver mutton chops, Inside her nose to cover nose hairs, and on her lips for a frosted lip look straight outta Florida!
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Can I get my tattoo now?
The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!
Judges need to learn what A.A. is. The meetings are for people who voluntarily get together to help each other. They go to the meetings because they want to do something to save their own lives from their alcohol addiction.
Sentencing a fool who doesn't want the program to go to meetings just screws it all up for the people trying to make it work.
oldswede
Submitted by WithinReason... on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 9:20pm.
Anus face. Or maybe that should be "lamprey face" now that I know what in hell that is. ;p
_______________________________________________
GAHHHHH.
What was seen cannot be unseen.
______________________________________________
A Lannister always pays his debts.
Dead pool. July 2013.
Her and Snookie
Hemmaroid mouth.
Anus face. Or maybe that should be "lamprey face" now that I know what in hell that is. ;p
•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠♡░░░░
Dlisted is a finalist! http://2013.bloggi.es/ Voting closes March 17.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 7:36pm.
Yes Tiger...I don't know what the hell I was thinking! That's why I need you to bring me back to reality. LOL!
............................................
If anyone is going to pee on him it's going to be me.- Nicole Kidman
@ M.E:
I posted that timeline, plus some extra stuff from eonline to update it on celebitchy a while back, I don't think I posted it here though (Last time I posted a long ass comment in a Lohan thread, it didn't go over well). Even with the updated eonline stuff AND all that (I'm guessing you got that from whatwouldtylerdurdendo?). People STILL came up with stuff that was left out. It's absolutely mind-blowing.
Please, Dr Freud, help us out. We desperately need to see Casper [the Friendly Ghost] fuck his mother! --- Cinema Snob
Wash, rinse, repeat.
Rehab only works for people who know they have a problem and want to get better. In Lindsay's mind, she doesn't have a problem. She's just a fun, occasional drinker/user! It's just that everyone else is out to get her and keep her from having fun is all. All these people are just jealous and that's why her life isn't going great. Nothing is her fault. It's all of us. The "Sicko fans", the police, the black kids... we're all so jealous so we do everything in our power to keep her from being great. Because she's so special, we know it, everyone knows it, we know she's the greatest talent on Earth and that if it weren't for us petty haters, she'd have like, seven Oscars by now. But everyone is against her, because we're all jealous.
And why shouldn't she think this? She's surrounded by sycophants and enablers. And the Justice system takes it up the ass from her constantly. Why should she believe herself to be a mere human, just as susceptible to the laws that govern us when she never suffers the consequences we have to?
For her, criminal trials at this point are an annoying inconvenience. Not anything serious.
Please, Dr Freud, help us out. We desperately need to see Casper [the Friendly Ghost] fuck his mother! --- Cinema Snob
What the
??????????????????????????????????????????
Holy. Fuck.
___________________________________________
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 2:47pm.
Here is the Blohan Crime Spree timeline, something that really needs to be infront of the LA DA. It needs to be updated though, it only goes to May 2011:
Submitted by Mani6 on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 7:14pm.
Just once I would love to hear her say I DID IT!
********************************************
You will see Tom Cruise and John Travolta GETTIN' IT ON Leather daddy harness bareback style whilst David Miscarriage watches and films the whole thing for TMZ before you will see that...I'm not finished, you will see Big Foot ass fuck Chupacabra (and I'm not talking about Retching Zoe...Ok, maybe I am) on Animal Planet before you will see that. You will see Nicole Kidman's forehead move before you will see that. Need I go on? NOT.GONNA.HAPPEN.EVAAAAAAAH! And what in the White Oprah hell were you drinking to even come up with such a notion????
FOR GOD'S SAKE, MANI, THE BLACK KID DID IT!!!
**********************************
Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Um, yeah.
Whatever the overcrowding situation in CA is, how in the hell does this trick have this many points against her driving record and still have her license?
I hope she wins the fucking lottery and then parties so hard that her head explodes. One thing I've learned from watching Lindsay beat the crap out of the legal system is that you never, NEVER admit guilt...I mean EVER! She is pleading "no contest"...again not an admission of guilt technically. Just once I would love to hear her say I DID IT!
I saw her today at the reception
A glass of wine in her hand
I knew she would meet her connection
At her feet was a footloose man
No, you can't always get what you want!
............................................
If anyone is going to pee on him it's going to be me.- Nicole Kidman
Is it too late for the US Winter Olympic team to let her qualify for Sochi 2014? She "skates" better than Dorothy Hamill at her prime.
I can't get upset at this since she has officially graduated from "performer" to "punchline". I have more hope at this point for the "career" resurrection of Tila Tequila. I think Charlie Sheen will *really* understand the true definition of "drama" the second she walks on that set.
She is obviously spreading her legs and blowing everyone in the LAPD.
I like to think of her as Ginger from "Casino". Lucky lucky girl who shits all over the chances she's been given, dies of an OD. Cinnamon Champagne is gonna be six feet under sooner than later.
Submitted by what do i know on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 5:21pm.
I swear if I was in front of her when she did that, I would hit her right on the lips.
She needs to be hit with Preparation H. Those lips look like what I imagine an outie hemarhoid to look like.
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 2:32pm.
i always immediately stop reading when people contradict themselves this much in the very first paragraph of their tl;tr statements
======================================================
I didn't actually contradict myself. But then, only an ass would criticize someone without actually knowing what the other person said.
I believe you've done this before.
_____________________________________________________________
An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.
Someone PLEASE tell her
When she does that kiss thing,
Her mouth looks exactly like an asshole.
Revolting.
I swear if I was in front of her when she did that, I would hit her right on the lips.
M.E. And that list doesn't include the "clipping a baby in a stroller IN A CROSSWALK and not even stopping" the very same day (or day after) she finally got her license reinstated" incident. Nor does it include her numerous "drink tossing at clubs/bars" incidents.
It boggles the mind, does it not?
I suspect she will meet her end at the hands of some filthy rich john who gets carried away with the rough stuff. And he will never be charged. *fingers crossed*
her lips pursed together like that really does look like a bunghole 8-P
Well, I personally am glad that she horses around on the west side...I'll keep my punk ass in Orange County!
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
@ M.E. -- oic now, sorry - you pasted elmo's comment. so i guess my question was for elmo -- did you mean literally fucking Heller or are they now trying to fire him too?
OT: sorry ot -- someone put Lohan in a car with a case of Stoli and point her in this bitch's direction:
http://movies.yahoo.com/blogs/2013-oscars/anne-hathaway-apologizes-good-...
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
"The justice system in California is broken. @M.E."
Right on regarding your statement about our broken justice system in CA! Any average citizen would be subject to harsh penalties, loss of licence, jail time, a huge fine and a felony on their record to prevent them from finding employment if they are out of work. My father's family is from Bonny Dune. Amazing to me that this happened in the hamlet of S.C., known for its laid back attitude. My condolences to your community, M.E. I love Santa Cruz and always will. I'm near Tahoe now. The lake is my mini ocean. Much love to the people of SC and to the family members and children of the fallen officers.
May Lindsay be boiled to death in the hotdog juice that @M.K. and @GardeningGirl mention.
Foxxy - HUH? I didn't say anything about fucking with her lawyer. I think the dude is shady and he doesn't know what he's doing. I think HE'S going to end up screwing HER over in court.
@PSL -- it would seem that letters (or petitions) that the probation department receives about a probationer might go into the official file and perhaps be considered by the probation officer when s/he writes her/his sentencing recommendation for the court. it would seem.
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Foxxy, I'd still love to send a petition with a million signatures over to the D.A. and Sheriff.
***********************************************
Victim of love, I see a broken heart
You got your stories to tell
Victim of love, it's such an easy part
And you know how to play it so well
@M.E. -- what do you mean by fucking with her lawyer? are they trying to get rid of Heller now?
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 3:23pm.
I like Mickey's idea of filing a class action suit against the D.A. for failing to protect the public.
Rande, would that even be possible?
"possible" yes. "sustainable" and "viable" no.
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
I like Mickey's idea of filing a class action suit against the D.A. for failing to protect the public.
Rande, would that even be possible?
***********************************************
Victim of love, I see a broken heart
You got your stories to tell
Victim of love, it's such an easy part
And you know how to play it so well
Submitted by RandéSleepover on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 3:17pm.
Shit, I'd send the crime list to the DA if I thought the DA would act on it. You just say, "Here's a list I found on the Net. It seems to be correct but I can't vouch for the details."
But I am sure her probation report already has all the good stuff on it.
you have a LOT more confidence than i do in the competence of the Los Angeles County Department of Probation ... ;-)
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Submitted by elmo533 on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 3:16pm.
Dec. 1, 2006: Lindsays mom tells Ryan Seacrest that Lindsay is in AA, but not because she has a problem. She says Lindsay only goes to meetings to hang out with her friends.
-----------
Dina should be sent to jail along with Lindsay for being such a fucking enabler. Now that she's fucking with her dumb baboon lawyer (does he or does he not look like Raffikki from the Lion King) it may actually happen. LiLo needs to get Paris's judge.
*********************************************
I think he looks like the leprechaun from those cheesey horror movies "Leprechaun"
Cokey - aint that some shit! The first time I read it I was livid.
Shit, I'd send the crime list to the DA if I thought the DA would act on it. You just say, "Here's a list I found on the Net. It seems to be correct but I can't vouch for the details."
But I am sure her probation report already has all the good stuff on it.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 2:34pm.
Face facts people, this filthy whore will get off for this and she will go unpunished for the NEXT crime she commits.
*********
and the next and the next and the next and the next until she finally dies.
Dec. 1, 2006: Lindsays mom tells Ryan Seacrest that Lindsay is in AA, but not because she has a problem. She says Lindsay only goes to meetings to hang out with her friends.
-----------
Dina should be sent to jail along with Lindsay for being such a fucking enabler. Now that she's fucking with her dumb baboon lawyer (does he or does he not look like Raffikki from the Lion King) it may actually happen. LiLo needs to get Paris's judge.
-----------------------
"Somewhere, Jennifer Love Hewitt is vagazzling the words "FUCK MY LIFE" onto her crotch while deep throating a Pillsbury cookie dough roll".--MK
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 3:06pm.
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 3:03pm.
i ain't gettin' involved either, M.E.! lmao
/exactly how Lohan gets away with shit - people who know things not getting involved...
***********************************************
You don't get involved because she'll either sue your ass, you'll wind up in court or blamed for something somehow.
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 2:47pm.
That's more lengthy than her imbd entry!
This trick here is showing what is wrong with the US justice system, which is you win if you can afford the best lawyer, and you lose if you can't afford a lawyer. I do believe she is an addict and is funding her life with high-end prostitution. This is a very unfortunate situation because she is not having to live with the consequences of her behavior, like RDJ did. I'm sure she's going to die at a young age, and I hope she doesn't take anyone out with her. I also hope she doesn't have a child. She's way far gone, and it's going to take a miracle for her to be able to take an honest look at herself and be able to change. She should drop out of the entertainment scene, get a low-key job, and invest in some long-term therapy. But I don't see her doing that. Narcissism is a bitch.
Submitted by chinchilla on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 3:10pm
you're welcome! but iirc, she has already been cleared on her community service hours (morgue plus whatever), i vaguely recall stories last year re Judge Stephanie congratulating her for completing her hours and being "on the right path," and then all kinds of illegal and probation violation hell broke loose right after that hearing...
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
I'm physically sick after reading Lindsay's sheet. CA residents should be up in arms.
@Foxxy Brown
sweet, thanks!
all we can hope for now is that she does the same maths as Chris Brown when tallying her community service hrs.
@ chinchilla -- no, instead they are going to use him as a witness against her LMFAO
http://www.thehollywoodgossip.com/2013/02/gavin-doyle-lindsay-lohan-assi...
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12