Open Post: Hosted By A Strawberry Blond James Franco

February 26, 2013 / Posted by:

The word DOUCHE was stamped onto James Franco’s forehead for the ten millionth time this weekend after he screwed up at the Daytona 500. Because Disney waved the biggest check at those hos, James Franco was named the Grand Marshal of the Daytona 500 and he got to do the whole “gentlemen, start your engines” thing at the beginning of the race. James told reporters at a press conference before the race that he was planning on saying something special since Danica Patrick was in the race and was the first woman in history to start from the pole in a Cup race. James Franco should’ve taken a tip from RuPaul and started the race by saying:

“Gentlemen, start your engines. And may the best WOMAN win!” 

But instead, James Franco’s tongue fumbled as he said this:

“Drivers…..and Danica, start your engines!” 

Some people think that James meant to say “lady and gentlemen” and messed up. Other thinks that James meant to say “drivers, start your engines” and messed up. I think that we shouldn’t try to analyze one of James Franco’s works. Our simple minds are not capable of understanding the complex brilliance of James Franco. It’s just not possible!

You know what else I can’t understand? I can’t understand how James Franco left the Sun-In in his hair too long. Everybody knows that you can’t leave Sun-In in too long or it’ll turn your hair all brassy and red and shit. How can I take James Franco seriously as a GENIUS if he can’t even Sun-In his hair right?

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