Chris Brown Has Regrets

February 26, 2013 / Posted by:

Seen here at Elton John’s Oscar party looking like a smug bookworm, Chris Brown slipped into the confessional booth at The Mirror of all places and let out a steaming pile of regrets for what he did to RiRi 4 years ago. The Difficult Brown supposedly told The Mirror that sometimes the one you’re with peeps at your phone and you get mad at them and repeatedly bash their face into the car window, but that doesn’t mean you don’t love them anymore. Chris Brown said that RiRi loves him again and he’s worked hard to get her trust back. Chris Brown started to say some other things, but he saw someone trying to take his parking space, so he had to cut the interview short to knuckle that bitch in the eyes.

“Sometimes you row, you fight, with the one you love and things get said, stuff spirals. That night was the deepest regret of my life, the biggest mistake. But she loves me – what can I say? I’m forgiven… but, yes, I worked hard for it.

People attack me and criticise me, it happens all the time. But they don’t know me, and they don’t know us. It doesn’t bother me any more. Other people can judge us but they don’t know anything. I’ve learned a lot since that night and I’ve grown up. I was very young and I took a lot of stuff, fame, for granted. I didn’t understand it. The support from those who do know me and the fans, who are incredible, got me through.”

This is coming from The Mirror, so as far as we know they could’ve pulled out the Yellow Pages (does that shit still exist?), picked out some random Chris Brown and called them up. Instead of talking to the infamous rabid beaver, they were probably talking to a 56-year-old man named Christopher Brown from Millville, Delaware who was telling him about how he once yelled at his Golden Retriever for chewing on his favorite pair of New Balance sneakers. If The Mirror really wanted to make me believe that these words actually came out of Chris Brown’s mouth, they should’ve put the line, “You know, just like Jesus,” after every other sentence. Then I would’ve totally believed that this came from Chris “Martyr” Brown.

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