Anne Hathaway Wants You To Like Her, Dammit!

February 26, 2013 / Posted by:

Tracy Flick’s spirit animal Anne Hathaway knows that Valium prescriptions are up by 300%, because a ton of people had to overly medicate themselves to deal with the soul-killing baby voice she used in all of her overly rehearsed acceptance speeches. Anne said that all the hate got to her, but that she knows there’s a negative to every positive and blah blah blah blah. A source tells UsWeekly that Anne worked on her Oscar speech a lot, because she wanted to come off as more likable to her haters. It didn’t work! Was Anne’s coach Taylor Swift, because if you want to come off as more likable you don’t start your speech by saying “It came true” like you’re Cinderfuckingrella.

The source said that she practiced her speech a lot and tweaked it so people wouldn’t have the urge to choke out their TV screens. The source said, “She was very aware that she had been the butt of everyone’s jokes.”

Why does Anne even care? Anne has the only thing in life she’s ever wanted, AN OSCAR, and she probably has a six pack on her lungs from all the heavy breathing she did during her speeches, so why the hell should she care how we feel. Anne should just tell us to eat her farts and then disappear off the face of Hollywood the way most Best Supporting Actresses do.

And one of my friends, who loves Anne Hathaway the same way I love tortillas with mayonnaise, IMed yesterday and said something like, “Why do you hate Anne Hathaway so much? Is it because she reminds you of high school since she was the kind of girl who was your only friend back then?

I hate it when whores tell me the truth.

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