So What The Hell Happened To Kristen Stewart?

February 25, 2013 / Posted by:

Kristen Stewart hobbled into the Oscars on crutches last night and when she presented with Daniel Radcliffe, she limped and twitched like a strung out pimp suffering from severe diarrhea. KStew looked like her publicist peeled her off the bathroom floor, quickly sprayed her down with a hose, threw clothes on her body and pushed her out the door (basically, she looked like a hungover me trying to keep down the barfs while buying a breakfast burrito at Jack In The Box on a Saturday morning).

KStew looked like a visual dry heave, she acted like the Oscars were the last place she wanted to be and I think she left loogie pieces on the mic when she hacked and grunted into it. So some hos were wondering what in alley cat hell happened to her? Did Liberty Ross Nancy Kerrigan her in the knee? Is she trying really hard to get a role on The Walking Dead? Well, UsWeekly has the answer.

A source says that right before she presented, KStew ran into Anne Hathaway backstage and they had a moment that went like this:

Anne – Oh no!

KStew – I know, I’m an idiot. But congratulations!

Anne – Please tell me you’re going on stage with those crutches.

KStew – Nope. I’m gonna hobble.

Anne –  Well, break a leg. Oops!

KStew – I just hope the wound doesn’t open up right now.

End scene.

The source added that KStew told Anne that she cut her foot open when she accidentally stepped on glass.

I guess KStew learned the hard way that you should always put on a pair of sturdy house shoes before you walk around the crack house, because you never know when some rude and uncouth crackhead is going to leave their broken pipe on the floor. Some crackheads are such slobs. This is a lesson we must all learn.

And I also threw in some pictures of Liberty Ross’ nipples at last night’s Vanity Fair party, because why not.

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