Oscar Crumbs
And the Oscar moment of the night goes to Squinty Zellweger who was so pinched and Botoxed (Side note: She Botoxes her eyeballs too, right?) that she couldn’t read the card. We know who was doing lines of Sour Patch Kids sugar in the greenroom. – Lainey Gossip
Natalie Portman wore a bed sheet to Vanity Fair’s Oscar party – Celebitchy
The only thing that got me through Oscar’s painful movie musical tribute was Helena Bonham Carter’s “not here for this” face – Towleroad
Oh, Amanda Seyfried’s just showing Jessica Chastain some skills she learned while making that Linda Lovelace biopic – The Superficial
That hilarious Instagram picture of Anne Hathaway having a private moment with her new husband Oscar is taking me higher – Drunken Stepfather
Miley Cyrus’ hair is starting to enter Jackie Warner territory – Hollywood Tuna
Heidi Klum’s titty balls went to Elton John’s Oscar party – Popoholic
Nicki Minaj looks like she just sucked on a bottle of Pepto-Bismol – ICYDK
Ryan Seacrest’s hair was very “blowout at the JcPenney salon circa 1984” – The Berry
The Alexis Carrington gown Naomi Watts wore to the VF party was better than the gown she wore to the Oscars – Just Jared
And just like that, I’m picturing Joseph Gordon-Levitt having a serious conversation with Cousin Balki – Jezebel
Anne Hathaway on her haters (Hathahaters? Haterways?) – I’m Not Obsessed
Halle Berry’s dress looks like something the hostess at a Metropolis-themed restaurant would wear – Popsugar
John Stamos’ “help me” face says it all – SOW
On the whole “The Onion calling a 9-year-old a cunt” thing… – Videogum
Daniel Day-Lewis delivers – Cityrag