Charlie Sheen Is Giving Lindsay Lohan A Job

Charlie Sheen already gave Lindsay Lohan $100,00, because he thinks he’s Hollywood’s premiere Captain-Save-A-Ho and he has a soft spot for train wrecky hos in need. (You know what I mean by “soft spot.” I’ll leave it at that.) TMZ says that LiLo still owes the IRS over $100,000 and now the State of California is coming at her, because she didn’t give them any tax money in 2011. They want over $56,000 from her. So what is a train wrecky ho in need to do? Bitch probably called up Daddy Charlie and he told her she had to work for it this time.

When Charlie tells a ho that she has to work for that money, that’s her cue to get naked and grab the donkey, the latex gloves, the tub of Crisco, the midget twins, the anal speculum and the dildo gas mask. But this time, Charlie meant that LiLo has to get to work on his basic cable show. Deadline says that LiLo will play herself on an episode of FX’s Anger Management. In the episode that airs in April, LiLo gets down with Charlie after meeting him in therapy. So this is the second time that LiLo and Charlie will get into bed together in front of the cameras (private sex tapes they made together don’t count.)

The last thing people need to see is LiLo and Charlie kissing, because I’m sure it looks just like a malnourished salamander nibbling on an uncooked turkey burger. Nobody wants to see that. Save it for American Horror Story. Instead of airing the actual episode, they should air the making of the episode. I really want to see Charlie scream his hairpiece off when LiLo locks herself in her trailer and refuses to come out, because she doesn’t like the tone of the script.

Since this is the second time Lohan and Sheen are working together, we can officially call them the Tracy and Hepburn of our time! And “Lohan Sheen” sounds like a fancy name for the coke sweats. Perfect!