Open Oscars Post: Hosted By The Demure Flower That Is Brandi Glanville
I'm hoping you have already put your TV in the bathroom and filled your tub with the sweet nectar of choice, because it's going to be a loooooooong night. Just get into that tub and drink until this mess is over. Deadline says that it could go way over and hit the 4 hour mark. If Anne Hathaway wins (which she will), the show is going to last a few days, because she's never going to leave the stage. They can turn the dogs on drop an anvil on her head, but she's not going anywhere. She's going to tie two 20 ton weights to her ankles and not move. Her speech is going to last longer than the movie she was in.
Anyway, this is your open post for the Oscars and I'm going to dip in every now and again to dribble out my drunken thoughts. I was going to say that we should come up with a drinking game, but we should probably just drink continuously, because that's the only way we'll be able to deal with Anne Hathaway's speech.
And here's my already best dressed of the night Brandi Glanville. Brandi is there as ABC's fashion correspondent, which totally makes sense. Because a demure flower who wears a dress that crushes her plastic vein balls IS a fashion authority.
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Submitted by Hekki on Sun, 02/24/2013 - 11:59pm.
Submitted by Aerialgreen on Sun, 02/24/2013 - 11:58pm.
Thanks, I'm kinda pissed I missed everything but last half hour or so (first time I wanted to watch the Oscars in years, so OF COURSE I had to work!)
Darn it, seems like a fun time was had by all!
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"More cunnilingus has been performed to Baker Street than any other song in history." (some anonymous online mope)
Thanks guys!
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Goodnight Dlisters, and thanks for popping in to chat with us MK!
*sharpens shank for Spaz* lol I'm jellieuuuzzz
@GG, yes, he famously did. She wanted to get onstage with him and when she did, she refused to bust a few moves like everybody else did. He tried to coaz her but got fed up, told her to get off the stage. It's probably a Youtube video.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fgQ-QrCFMjs
GG it was Kim, M.K. did a post on it I think.
yep Feb 8,2011, Bitch Don't Handle The Sexy
"One rule we're taught shortly after birth is that when Prince commands you to dance, you dance. I don't care if you just suffered through a double leg amputation. When Prince orders you to move, you twerk those stumps with all your might."
One of my all time favorites of Michael K's genius.
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 02/25/2013 - 12:01am.
GG: Actually, I think it might have been Paris Hilton. I'll google it. There was video.
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no it was KK. He invited her on the stage to perform with him, but she wouldn't sing, so he told her if she wouldn't sing then get off the fuckin stage
I got a taint-kiss from Michael K. Anne Hathaway's got nothing on me. Fuck celebrities; they don't know what counts. G'Night, y'all.
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So happy for Ben. JLO is crying bitter tears "I could have been the wife of the winaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
Would have loved to see Michelle's face if the winner had been Zero Dark Thirty...HA! would have been priceless!
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THANKYOUVERYMUCH.
I couldnt watch it bambam - that dwarf bish just got up my nose.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
So was Brandi actually sitting inside the Auditorium? In view of the camera and everything?
D for hosting, made the Oscar's feel twice as long :(
Edit: Seth basically sucked, but the Dlisted crowd made up for it ;)
Goodnight!
The Michelle Obama thing was fucking putrid. WTF? I don't want to see any politician or their wives on Oscar night. I don't want to see politicians period.
Good night, you funny bitches. I think I'm going to pop in my Godfather DVD now.
GG: Actually, I think it might have been Paris Hilton. I'll google it. There was video.
http://www.popsugar.com/Video-Kim-Kardashian-Prince-Concert-Getting-Kick...
Happy to see Argo won!
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If anyone is going to pee on him it's going to be me.- Nicole Kidman
I liked the closing song, they took some nasty shots at people.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fgQ-QrCFMjs
Night MK, great job tonight!
That wasn't as painful as I thought it would be. lol
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by Hekki on Sun, 02/24/2013 - 11:57pm.
My favorite moment was still Munchkin Chenoweth shrimping next to Adele and Queem Latifah.
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I saw that. She's freakishly miniature.
Ecce homo: I thought he was adequate. Not the best. DEFinitley not the worst.
Hekki, did Prince really tell that urinal cake to get off the stage? Awsome!
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Submitted by moonmaid on Sun, 02/24/2013 - 11:57pm.
Anyone who is married knows what he means by "work on the marriage" - it's hard fucking work!
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I agree.
Submitted by SGVpea on Sun, 02/24/2013 - 11:55pm.
Damn, good eye cocebert. He should have given Armand a shout out.
Bwahahahaha!
Thank you guys for calling the play by play tonight, lmao you guys make the Oscars funny, Grassyass M.K.
I seriously feel bad for these fucking losers. Their speeches are so lame.
Someone needs to tell them they make movies, their lives aren't a movie. They are not the protagonist in our lives. Get off the stage.
Submitted by CodeRed on Sun, 02/24/2013 - 11:55pm.
It must be horrible for Jen Garner, lucky man.
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He is indeed. Poor Jen, having to deal with that cheating asshole just for the sake of her children.
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"If I can't be my own, i'd feel better dead"- Nutshell
Nite MK!
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Yes McFarlane sucks when not having time to edit himself ~ better behind the camera if anything
My favorite moment was still Munchkin Chenoweth shrimping next to Adele and Queem Latifah.
Oh, the actual show? Um, Hugh Jackman rushing to aid Jennifer Lawrence. *swoon*
Anyone who is married knows what he means by "work on the marriage" - it's hard fucking work!
Awesome chat, people. I'm out, too. Thanks, MK!
Submitted by Hekki on Sun, 02/24/2013 - 11:48pm.
Submitted by Mayo: "Bradley Cooper was right there, why didn't he help JLaw? What a douche."
She didn't have a penis about to slide into his ass.
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That's so awful! LMAO!!!
Ben Affleck awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwkward speech. I am glad Argo won though.
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Your Chick-Fil-A is showing. - ISprainedMyUvula 8/3/2012
Michael, just leave Meryl pulling her wedgie out of things tomorrow. It's Meryl.
Good night you were a riot as usual.
Mayo - that's exactly what I took from it, too.
I love Ben Affleck....I am glad the movie won, and Grant Heslov is hilarious.
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I've had to work much harder than this
For something I want don't try to resist me
MK... What a great Oscars... Thank you.
Nite all. Xoxo
Now is the time. You're not promised tomorrow. -PR
Damn, good eye cocebert. He should have given Armand a shout out.
So, judging from the comments, the consensus seems to be that McFarlane sucked as host?
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"More cunnilingus has been performed to Baker Street than any other song in history." (some anonymous online mope)
So much Chenoweth today.
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Thanks, MK and all the Dlisted horz, this was fun. G'night!!
Ben Affleck acknowledged his problems with his wife which I still think are not resolved completely. WTF this ending? Going to sleep. Good night to all. Seth McFarlane gets a D for hosting duties.
On that note, I'm fucking out. BUENOS NACHOS!
FINALLY.
cute speech Ben Afleck. It must be horrible for Jen Garner, lucky man.
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And just so all you Jenaloonies and Brangeloonies know I would read JA's biography if I found it at the dollar store, too. (...) - Submitted by PrettyHateMachine on Thu, 12/27/2012 - 1:09am.
Submitted by jerseygirl17 on Sun, 02/24/2013 - 11:53pm.
Submitted by cocoebert on Sun, 02/24/2013 - 11:48pm.
Okay, this is going to out me as a huge fag hag, but is that the paparazzo from The Birdcage?!!!
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I'm not sure what this outs me as, but he's the sister's boyfriend from License to Drive. "Must we take your mother's imperious gas guzzler?"
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It outs us both as hopeless nerds. ;)
I find Chenowith sooooooooooooooo annoying.
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"Somewhere, Jennifer Love Hewitt is vagazzling the words "FUCK MY LIFE" onto her crotch while deep throating a Pillsbury cookie dough roll".--MK
She looks like Tammy Faye Bakker (may she rest in peace).
As Prince once told Kim K: "GET OFF THE STAGE"
Over and out. And thanks to our e-oscar host MK. Same time same place next year.
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"You wait. They gonna get everybody on twitter, facebook, doing everythin' online and then they gonna pull the PLUG and we all gonna be FUCKED!"
Submitted by miz cynical on Sun, 02/24/2013 - 11:52pm.
Hmm...what did Affleck mean by 'work on the marriage'?
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Ignore all the affairs, such as the one with Blake Lively.
miz cynical's picture
Submitted by miz cynical on Sun, 02/24/2013 - 11:52pm.
Hmm...what did Affleck mean by 'work on the marriage'?
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IE turning a blind eye to his philandering.