Open Oscars Post: Hosted By The Demure Flower That Is Brandi Glanville
I'm hoping you have already put your TV in the bathroom and filled your tub with the sweet nectar of choice, because it's going to be a loooooooong night. Just get into that tub and drink until this mess is over. Deadline says that it could go way over and hit the 4 hour mark. If Anne Hathaway wins (which she will), the show is going to last a few days, because she's never going to leave the stage. They can turn the dogs on drop an anvil on her head, but she's not going anywhere. She's going to tie two 20 ton weights to her ankles and not move. Her speech is going to last longer than the movie she was in.
Anyway, this is your open post for the Oscars and I'm going to dip in every now and again to dribble out my drunken thoughts. I was going to say that we should come up with a drinking game, but we should probably just drink continuously, because that's the only way we'll be able to deal with Anne Hathaway's speech.
And here's my already best dressed of the night Brandi Glanville. Brandi is there as ABC's fashion correspondent, which totally makes sense. Because a demure flower who wears a dress that crushes her plastic vein balls IS a fashion authority.
• 
nasty.
Last night was fantastic posting here with everyone on the D-list. Thanks to our host
Mr. Michael K. Just caught up reading all of this record breaking thread. -Kisa =0)
"DuFresnes party of two. DuFresnes party of two. Bush party of three.
Yeah but , what happened to the DuFresnes ?!?!?!?!?!?!? "
- Mitch Hedberg 1968 - 2005.
Looking at pictures of her elsewhere, her face is Botoxed to Hell and back and she has a HUGE, UGLY-ASS bunion on her left foot. Gross, all the way around. Go away ugly person.
2K+ comments!!!
Is this a record Michael??
p.s. and yes, she looks muy tacky!!
Between Seth MacFaglane and Anne Crapaway, it was impossible for me to suffer through even a moment of this. Thanks to everyone for summarizing it in cunty comments (aka my language) and taking a hit for the team.
-------------------------------------
19 Cats and Counting!
THE FULL RELEASE LOOP
What the underlying loop inside all of this really is
1974 someone used satellite time and brain cephalics (same thing), to view me, in 19764
The sound of the BR
2242 comments!?!?! In Joey Lawrence voice "WHOA"
2000+ posts? You hos were riding it hard last night!!
--------------------------------------
19 Cats and Counting!
THE FULL RELEASE LOOP
What the underlying loop inside all of this really is
1974 someone used satellite time and brain cephalics (same thing), to view me, in 19764
The sound of the BR
Submitted by loopygorilla on Mon, 02/25/2013 - 12:57am.
You forgot about the God-awful performance from Jennifer Hudson in "Dreamgirls:. Really the song won the Oscar, not her wooden performance.
One of the times I thought the Oscars really really got it WRONG.
______________________________________________________________
"I swear, sometimes good dick is a thing of evil. It blurs your vision and screws with your brain.- MK, 01/17/13
Submitted by Side-Eyez on Mon, 02/25/2013 - 1:07am.
I guess being Clooney's bottom really does have benefits.
***************************************************************
OUCH!!!! *LOL*
I didn't think Argo should have won, but I'm happy for Lee. The tiger should have won too! *LOL*
______________________________________________________________
"I swear, sometimes good dick is a thing of evil. It blurs your vision and screws with your brain.- MK, 01/17/13
Well, just let me make it an even 2240. This whore, again! I am not a Leann Rimes fan, but I believe that Brandi Analglandville IS the crazy one.
My peeps! we score 2240 comments! Thanks for the great company last night!
========
Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie
I guess I'm in the minority because I didn't think Seth was *that* bad, DDL wasn't the most pompous one there, I liked Scarjo's song, and I agree that 9-year old was acting like a c*nt.
Submitted by El Bastardo on Mon, 02/25/2013 - 3:29am.
FIIIIIRRRRSSST!
LMFAO
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Mon, 02/25/2013 - 9:19am.
I am glad to see Argo won....it kept me on the edge of my seat the entire time. Jennifer Lawrence and DDL, too; I wish Sally Field had won for Lincoln as well
Hi Sans:) I feel exactly the same. Really glad Argo won. It was the only movie I saw that I didn't get ansy at all. Happy with the top 3 winners.
Submitted by sushi: "What I think is funny is that JLaw faceplants and then makes a joke that endears her to all, while Nipsey Hathaway gives a breathless pretentious speech that irritates people."
Yup. Mr. Hekki has NO IDEA who any of these people are, really, but he said Nipsey's speech was insufferable and well-rehearsed.
I don't think JLaw's stumble was intentional (it *could* be), but it certainly worked in her favor. It's pretty much the one thing you HOPE you won't do when you accept an award, and not only did she survive, she won people over. And of course, HUGH JACKMAN scored a thousand points from me, with his gallant move.
annnE's original acceptance speech: thank you all for giving me this golden phallus looking statue that i will forever use as a masturbatory tool to jerk off my feelings of unfuckability.
Submitted by vsminimoose on Mon, 02/25/2013 - 9:38am.
Submitted by undinespragg on Mon, 02/25/2013 - 7:41am.
Hahaha that all people are talking about is how horrible AnnE's dress was and not that she won--because we all figured we would have to suffer through her winning. Ugh. I wonder if the twitter account for her nipples is still up.
I guarantee you AnnE is hating JLaw right now...she's almost 10 years younger, already won her first Oscar for a role AnnE threw away, and she stole the show last night! Also, Jen is way hotter.
***************************************
What I think is funny is that JLaw faceplants and then makes a joke that endears her to all, while Nipsey Hathaway gives a breathless pretentious speech that irritates people.
Submitted by undinespragg on Mon, 02/25/2013 - 7:41am.
Hahaha that all people are talking about is how horrible AnnE's dress was and not that she won--because we all figured we would have to suffer through her winning. Ugh. I wonder if the twitter account for her nipples is still up.
I guarantee you AnnE is hating JLaw right now...she's almost 10 years younger, already won her first Oscar for a role AnnE threw away, and she stole the show last night! Also, Jen is way hotter.
-----------------------------------------------
Totally agree......Anne probably thinks there is no justice in the world if Jennifer Lawrence can come onto the scene so quickly and scoop up an oscar.
I will disagree that Jen is way hotter....I think her sweet personality helps her in the looks. Every thumbnail I see of J.Law she's got major derp face. She's sweet so nobody wants to be the asshole that calls her average/boring.
I will be that asshole.
Hilarious -- Anne Hathaway flow chart acceptance speech.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/the-soup/anne-hathaways-oscar-acce_b_27452...
I am glad to see Argo won....it kept me on the edge of my seat the entire time. Jennifer Lawrence and DDL, too; I wish Sally Field had won for Lincoln as well, but I guess that award had AnnE's name on it. Maybe she will go away now.
I thought Seth was actually going to be more offensive....he toned down his shtick a bit. I still have "We Saw Yer Boobs" stuck in my head this AM, lol.
______________________________________________
A Lannister always pays his debts.
Ew you guys. When AnnE Hathaway was being interviewed backstage about the win, she whispered: "I had a Dream..and it came true. And that can happen, and thats wonderful that it can happen."
-----------------
"Bye, Whore" -MK
Kstew: Perfect imitation of a bored, sullen teenager who does NOT want to be dragged out to the living room to recite her haiku but go back to her bedroom and contemplate kre8tiv ways of cutting herself.
Charlize Theron: Goddess. Perfection. Unsurpassed.
Loved Seth. Thought he was classy and on-point.
Sally Field: Hated her dress but LOVED that bit with Seth. Yeah! Flying Nun FTW!
DDL: We knew he was going to win but did NOT know he was going to be funny in his acceptance speech. LOVE HIM AND YES I WOULD HIT IT WITH THE FORCE OF A LEVEL INFINITY HURRICANE!
AnnE: What can I say? I am so sorry. The Ninjas I sent failed.
J. Lawrence: Adorable! When the audience stood after she tripped up the steps, she said "You just feel bad for me because I fell!!"
Jack Nicholson: Somebody removed his mummy wraps and wheeled him up to this event. He looked like a hobo.
The show overall was well done. Not too long. Not too draggy. Not too many irritating musical numbers.
200000 comments?? Holy Oscar fever! Mr. IV and I went to a party at a friend's and I won the goodie bag by getting 18 out of 22 categories right! Whee! Dang that Christoph Waltz for fucking up my Wig of Tommy Lee Jones win!
Liz&Dick SWEPT
that is all
2200+ posts? Damn. Can't read them all but I'm sure they're hilarious. Went to a friends house to watch so I couldn't check in. What's the general summation of the evening? What'd I miss??
I thought the whole thing was well done.... seth got to show the world he has true talent, not just as a cartoonist, the speeches were, for the most part, short enough, Ann is a cunt, yes, and Argo was a surprise winner of the night.
------------------------------------------------
"Screw you, I'm Kevin Bacon!"
Submitted by crazyinjapan on Mon, 02/25/2013 - 1:27am.
TR: Calling a nine-year-old girl a cunt? I don't know whether to laugh at the ridiculousness of it or be mad at the crassness of it. That's just plain weird!
---------------------------------------------------
well honey, everyone knows that the first thing you should do is overreact
-------------------------------------------------
Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Submitted by crazyinjapan on Mon, 02/25/2013 - 1:27am.
TR: Calling a nine-year-old girl a cunt? I don't know whether to laugh at the ridiculousness of it or be mad at the crassness of it. That's just plain weird!
---------------------
MADAM - are you trying to say that most 9 year old girls ARE NOT CUNTS? Alec Baldwin pretty much provided scientific proof for it, and MK posted photos of that troll cyrus girl...
HINGE JAW LANGOLIERS ♪♪♪♪ON MY OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWN♪♪♪♪
AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO W.E.B. DUBOIS!!!!!!!!!!!
Obviously a thespian of the school of less is more...urgh
Charlize...every ball, bitch is FLAWLESS! Sick.
IT CAME TRUE
:))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
^______________________________^
:D :D D
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo♥♥♥
:)
;)
-------------------------------------------------
Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Hahaha that all people are talking about is how horrible AnnE's dress was and not that she won--because we all figured we would have to suffer through her winning. Ugh. I wonder if the twitter account for her nipples is still up.
I guarantee you AnnE is hating JLaw right now...she's almost 10 years younger, already won her first Oscar for a role AnnE threw away, and she stole the show last night! Also, Jen is way hotter.
Submitted by loopygorilla on Mon, 02/25/2013 - 1:41am.
jenlaw was primed to win an oscar from an early age when she was in that winter's bone movie.
once in a while, hollywood is trying to sell us the image of the next "IT" girl, but they make her trip over her dress and fumble interviews to make her more "homely", so everybody can go "awww" and love her when she wins.........
so now they are serving up jenlaw, because at least she isnt kstew or blake lively.
------------------------------------------------
I agree 100% There is really nothing that sets her apart from everyone she was nominated with and even though she was good she had no business winning that award. I think it's politics and giving the public what they want with her. I was scratching my head with all the media hype because I just didn't get it .... now I get it.
I missed EVERYTHING Oscar....and it's ok!
_____________________________________________
"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
Submitted by crazyinjapan on Mon, 02/25/2013 - 12:38am.
___________________________________
I agree with a lot of your summary too. I don't believe Jennifer Lawrence's ass should have won that shit, DDL did come off as a pompous ass. He also came off as very awkward and fumbled a lot in his acceptance speech. I don't know if that was intentional or not, but the pretentious came out loud and clear. I never understood his hype and Lincoln looks boring as hell. Adele shouldn't have won either, but she's more likable that Scarjo so I can't complain too much. I don't wanna see Argo, but I do wanna see Life of Pi now. Over all this show was a shitfest. Ps: Jack Nicholson is turning in to Mr. Magoo.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"you chickens need to go back to the coup, you need to lay some fucking eggs and do your fucking job, you scrambled ass bitch!"-Shane Dawson
I see Charlize has her Astronaut's Wife hair back. She wears short hair well. I also like her dance with Channing.
Now that AnnE's gotten her Oscar, can she please disappear for a year or so? I'm so sick of her shoving herself down our throats.
DDL: NAILED it!
Congrats to JLaw, but my jaw dropped.
Oh, and WTF was Brandi thinking, wearing that dress?!
A great, short summary of tonight's Oscar event. Thank you all for brevity.
:P
Tonight, I watched a 3-part series about China economic growth and domination. It should be re-titled: "China will kick yo ass so enjoy the Oscars now.
2210 comments!?!?!??! Woooooow...
FIIIIIRRRRSSST!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Jesus loves you" - Great thing to hear in a Church but horrific to hear in a Mexican prison
Anyone see anything here that even *remotely* resembles a "baby bump"?
i.perezhilton.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/wenn20163036.jpg
Yeah, it's PH (don't judge!ok? I was bored!). =)
ETA: compared to this
i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/02/19/article-2280780-17ADF1D1000005DC-603_634x827.jpg
Both due in July. Granted Duchess Catherine isn't huge, but the roundness Is visible whereas Princess PeePee is straight and flat (well, not "flat" as in toned here it's without the roundness)
Have no idea why my links aren't blue, maybe I'm missing something somewhere. Lol.
But these links are safe. Received no virus warnings from either website/page. =)
********************.
"...I'm a greedy, money grubbing
whore and a check is a check, so I'd strap a snorkel on the ol' noggin and muff dive like there was diamonds up in there..."
By: Tigerlilly
she looks pregnant. argofuckyourself!
I am SO glad Jennifer Lawrence won. So now we can replace that tragic Kristen Stewart with a young woman worthy of the hype!
***************************************
Heaux Confessionals:
Welcome to 'pulp friction'...
http://www.amazon.com/Heaux-Confessionals-The-Sintroduction-ebook/dp/B00...
Shout out for William Shatner!
OMG, Tink-Tink's brother is a killer, too.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/02/24/carl-pistorius-oscars-brother-h...
And the chief investigative officer was replaced because he was on trial for murder, too. What a bizarre story.
Tivoed it and glad. Watched all I needed in 15 minutes. What a dull host and what the hell was Michelle Obama doing there? Too much crap. Either I am getting too old or these awards show really really suck now. I just can't do it anymore.
jenlaw was primed to win an oscar from an early age when she was in that winter's bone movie.
once in a while, hollywood is trying to sell us the image of the next "IT" girl, but they make her trip over her dress and fumble interviews to make her more "homely", so everybody can go "awww" and love her when she wins.
they tried to make hillary swank as the next IT girl, but she was too ugly.
and then they went with scarjo, but she was too sexy and horny and talked about fucking guys in elevators and stuff and she then got married to Berg from 2 Guys a Girl and A Pizza Place( which is not a porn movie)
and then they tried again with natalie portman, but she was a ranting bitch, and people turned off her and couldn't connect with spoilt rotten whore who cant act and was an intergalactic pedo bitch in star wars.
so now they are serving up jenlaw, because at least she isnt kstew or blake lively.
lindsay lohan was primed for this a long time ago, but they had to abandon that plan after all the fuck ups.
I also wouldn't be surprised if jlaw fell on purpose. that fall looked off to me, it was too slow or something - if she really tripped i think she would have come down harder. also i need a life for overanalyzing this shit. anyway she has her bumbling fool image to keep up, although it is admittedly funny and people love her for it so do what you gotta do girl, i guess. also, it looked like her necklace was on backwards and one of those plastic dress hanger loops was hanging out of her armpit lol.
TR: Calling a nine-year-old girl a cunt? I don't know whether to laugh at the ridiculousness of it or be mad at the crassness of it. That's just plain weird!
I'm wide awake, watching Kimmel...I have lol'd a lot!!!
Watching Channing Tatum interact with Jamie Foxx suddenly made him very attractive! Rawr!
Release the Tatum!
Thunder only happens when it's rainin
Players only love you when they're playin