Stop Me If You’ve Heard This Before….

A few months ago, Joaquin Phoenix spit at Oscar and told Interview that taking part in the Oscar game is like chasing a carrot that’s been marinated in shit (read: a carrot that tastes like his taint). Joaquin Phoenix later took back his comments when he realized that he was an Oscar contender this year and really just wants to wrap his hands around that majestic gold-plated dildo statute like everybody else. Joaquin is done with trashing the Oscars for now, but Ethan Hawke is picking up where he left off. Ethan Hawke told Gotham Magazine (via P6) that the Oscars ain’t shit and he thinks the Oscars are destroying the movie industry the same way peroxide destroyed his hotness. Ethan pretty much co-signed everything Joaquin said including the part about carrots.

“People want to turn everything in this country into a competition . . . [so] it’s clear who the winner is and who the loser is. It’s why they like to announce the grosses of movies, because it’s a way of saying, ‘This one is No. 1.’ It’s so asinine . . . if you look at how many forgettable, stupid movies have won Oscars and how many mediocre performers have Oscars above their fireplace. Making a priority of chasing these fake carrots and money and dubious accolades, I think it’s really destructive.”

You can say that Ethan Hawke is snarling at Oscar, because he hasn’t been nominated for once since 2004. You can also says that Ethan Hawke is just grumpy in general, because he looks like a depression era Guy Fieri. But you can’t say that he’s not telling the truth for the most part. If the Oscars weren’t a popularity contest run by studio executives and truly honored the greatest works in cinema, Showgirls would have won at least 11 Oscars and every dog who played Benji would have an Oscar. And none of us would have the memory of GOOPY Paltrow’s ugly pink princess dress embedded into our brains, because she would’ve never even been nominated!

But whatever, if Ethan ever wins an Oscar, I’m sure he’ll be up there saying, “This is such an honor! I love you, Oscar! Now, let’s eat some carrots!“

And seriously, why does Hollywood hate carrots so much?!