From The WHA? Files: Megan Fox And Michael Bay Are Reuniting For The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Movie (UPDATE)
On Michael Bay's driveway sits his freshly washed Ferrari and on Michael Bay's laptop lives a video file of Megan Fox washing his Ferrari AGAIN! Because Michael Bay announced on his website today that Megan Fox will star in a movie that he's producing. In case the memory box in your brain deleted this highly important information (which is 100% possible), Megan was fired from the Transformers movies, called Michael Bay a regular Hitler and said that working with him was about as wonderful as butt fucking herself with a porcupine that likes to bite. Michael Bay pretty much returned that sentiment and the crew of Transformers had a few (or a thousand) words for her. But I guess they sucked and made up, because Michael Bay cast her in the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie and he announced the news like this:
TMNT: We Are Bringing Megan Fox Back Into The Family
The Family? So I guess that means Michael Bay is the father and you know he makes everybody call him daddy in a high-pitched voice.
Well, I guess the need to put Botox on the table will make you forget that you hate a douche. Get that check, Megan, I guess. Michael Bay didn't say who Megan Fox is playing, but it's kind of obvious that she's going to be April O'Neill, which confirms that this movie is going to be a grade A mess and should only be watched while under the influence of some mind-altering shit.
The only thing that will save this mess of a movie is if they get Vanilla Ice to recreate this masterpiece:
UPDATE: She's playing April O'Neill and that makes no sense. But hopefully they continue to make no sense and cast Courtney Stodden as Donatello.
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Bitch is broke! Hah! I won't be seeing this shit storm of shaky camera shots anyway so watevs. Next!
Change is coming through my Shadow
Russell Simmons is already cast as Donatello. Sorry.
No snarky comments from me. I like Megan.
Oh, on opening Friday night I am SO THERE!!!!
Megan is LITERALLY the most beautiful actress in the world (agree, disagree, whatever, I don't give a fuck, you're wrong and I'm right).
I have no qualms about contributing ticket money to useless, talent-free, sexual harrassing, artistically-delinquent Hollwood brown-noser/insider Michael Bay, because I want to support that loud-mouthed, non-ass kissy bitch Megan.
In Ms. Fox' honor, if I ever have a chance to meet Mr. Bay (not entirely outside the realm of reality, incidentally)I would probably be willing to lose my job, just for the pleasure of knocking a few of his teeth out.
The tide is turning...
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"She looks like if you fuck with her she'd put a stiletto through your jugular and then charge you for the shoe repair. My kind of woman." Foxxy Brown
Awwwwwww in the words of Mr. to Sophia and Harpo "Sho is nice to see you two together agin." *Blub!*
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Help me!
Never say never huh? Or is her short term memory shot? Out of money? Oh, yeah, the last one.
I feel unclean whenever I have to hear about Michael Bay or anyone who has worked with him lately.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.