From The WHA? Files: Megan Fox And Michael Bay Are Reuniting For The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Movie (UPDATE)

February 21, 2013 / Posted by:

On Michael Bay’s driveway sits his freshly washed Ferrari and on Michael Bay’s laptop lives a video file of Megan Fox washing his Ferrari AGAIN! Because Michael Bay announced on his website today that Megan Fox will star in a movie that he’s producing. In case the memory box in your brain deleted this highly important information (which is 100% possible), Megan was fired from the Transformers movies, called Michael Bay a regular Hitler and said that working with him was about as wonderful as butt fucking herself with a porcupine that likes to bite. Michael Bay pretty much returned that sentiment and the crew of Transformers had a few (or a thousand) words for her. But I guess they sucked and made up, because Michael Bay cast her in the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie and he announced the news like this:

TMNT: We Are Bringing Megan Fox Back Into The Family

The Family? So I guess that means Michael Bay is the father and you know he makes everybody call him daddy in a high-pitched voice.

Well, I guess the need to put Botox on the table will make you forget that you hate a douche. Get that check, Megan, I guess. Michael Bay didn’t say who Megan Fox is playing, but it’s kind of obvious that she’s going to be April O’Neill, which confirms that this movie is going to be a grade A mess and should only be watched while under the influence of some mind-altering shit.

The only thing that will save this mess of a movie is if they get Vanilla Ice to recreate this masterpiece:

UPDATE: She’s playing April O’Neill and that makes no sense. But hopefully they continue to make no sense and cast Courtney Stodden as Donatello.

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