So I Guess These Two Didn’t Break Up After All

February 21, 2013 / Posted by:

RiRi’s health insurance rate dropped by 75% last week when it was reported that she and The Difficult Brown broke up, but like most awful things in life (examples: herpes, the new 90210, Donald Trump’s ability to speak), their love is not going away even though all of us want it to. RiRi spent some of her 25th birthday yesterday holding the hand that beat her face in a few years ago. While wearing my laundry bag as a skirt, RiRi trolled the beaches of Oahu with Chris Brown and shared a joint  with him. That poor joint. Just like Chris’ silky shorts, it probably wants to escape and get far away from this entire mess.

I’m not sure what’s going on in this picture. Is he trying to jack off on the sand, but can’t get it up, so RiRi’s consoling him? Is he trying to push out a stubborn doody bubble and RiRi’s giving him moral support by throwing her arm around him? Did he finally come to the realization that he’s Chris Brown and is choking on the river of diarrhea that’s rising up his throat?

And RiRi and Chris Brown better set their DVRs, because next week’s Law & Order: SVU is dedicated to them!

The actor playing the Chris Brown-ish character needs to turn down the raw emotion, because Chris Brown was not THAT believable when he gave a fake non-apology.

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