Even the Salvation Army shouldn’t let Lindsay Lohan borrow a dress unless they don’t want it back or are okay with it coming back to them drenched in bottom shelf vodka and covered with the blood splatters of some chick she hit in the face with a bottle. The only real reason to let Lindsay Lohan borrow a dress is if you’ve taken a $1 million life insurance policy (they really should sell life insurance policies for dresses) out on it and you want it to disappear off the face of the planet so you can cash in. But Lindsay Lohan’s own personal Captain-Save-A-Ho Charlie Sheen helped a trick out again by sweet talking stylist Phillip Bloch into getting her a dress for an amFAR event two weeks ago. LiLo wore a beaded dress from Theia that cost $1,750. When Theia got the dress back, it was in the same state as Lindsay Lohan’s career:
HAHAHAHAHAHA! That dress is just a tattered pile of tragicness. It’s like a dress version of White Oprah.
You’re close if you’re thinking that LiLo’s dress looks like that because after she spilled some whiskey on it, a pack of drunk wolves attacked her and dragged her into an alley where a high-speed dump truck ran into her, sending her flying into a trash can fireplace. A source tells UsWeekly that LiLo’s dress looks like that because it ripped at a club after the amFAR event.
“She said that the dress had ripped [at a club after the fundraiser] — she couldn’t possibly wear it like that — so her stylist friend went to the club bouncer and requested some scissors to repair the torn part of the dress. She turned it into a mullet! Only a fashiony person would do that! She’s out of control and behaving really badly.”
Hey, at least they got the dress back and if they shake all the coke residue off of it, they probably have enough for a pretty fat line. Also, they can sell it on eBay as a Lohan original! And yes, White Oprah is going to want a cut of that sale.