Jessica Simpson Already Has A Name Picked Out For Her Unborn Baby
Jessica Simpson's body doesn't look like it's storing a SeaWorld tank of amniotic fluid in it, so that means she's got a long ass way to go before she births out her surprise baby. But a source tells UsWeekly that Jessica and her bought and paid for piece Eric Johnson have already burped up the perfect name for their second kid. No, Jessica isn't naming her kid Buttered Pop Tart Johnson or Whoops Johnson. Jessica and Eric are giving their kid an even better name. The name they're writing on the birf certificate is:
ACE JOHNSON!!!!!!!!!!
The source says that Eric and Jessica are going around telling people that they're going to name their baby friend Ace Johnson. Ace Johnson sounds like the name of a frat boy at a community college who had dreams of becoming the most successful day trader in the Northern Orange County area, but ended up becoming a bar back at a sports bar before eventually getting a job as a driver on Bang Bus. Ace Johnson smells like Irish Spring, Abercrombie cologne and AXE hair paste. Ace Johnson uses his full name as his Xbox Live username, because his name is just that awesome.
When I translate Ace Johnson from bro talk to English in Google translation, it gives me the phrase "champion penis." Jessica Simpson has really outdone herself this time.
And here's Jessica with Baby Maxwell outside of a Mexican restaurant in Burbank a couple of days ago (yes, this is why a burrito shortage was issued in the Southern California area).
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That name reminds me of when Homer Simpson changed his name to Max Power because he saw it on a hair dryer.
Max Power, that's the man who's name you'd love to touch,
but you musn't touch!
That name sounds good in your ear, but when you say it,
you musn't fear.
'Cause that name could be said by anyone!
Not a naming expert but Ace is a nickname, spare this baby from a lifetime of being asked "what is your real name"
I hate Jessica Simpson with a passion. She has made a career of being a dumb woman that people forgive by saying, "she's harmless" or "she's sweet." She's an idiot and has done nothing with her life. Her father and management team have turned her name into something, she's too stupid to contribute in any way to her supposed "billion dollar empire."
She tells young women it's ok to portray yourself as a stupid woman because people will make allowances for you, as long as you're pretty.
She's just as vile as any Kardashian.
Aw, baby girl is SO CUTE and Jessica is too. I hate myself for not hating.
That dingdong who had the two sets of twins named them Ace, Blaine, Cash and Dylan. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
MJT, I think Violet is cute too! And I would nanny for the Affleck/Gardners, then again, I don't think I could turn a blind eye to his cheating...lol
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And I guess that's why they call it the blues
Time on my hands could be time spent with you
If it is a boy, clearly the name should be "House", duh.
Her daughter is so gorgeous though and looks really well taken care of.
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"In other news, the University of Color Me Surprised released a report today which states that water is indeed wet. Mind. Boggled" - Michael K, who else?
what a braindead skank
So she's not blimping out this time?
When I read this my first thought was Ace Bandage.
The only appropriate sibling names for a girl named Maxwell would be a boy named Nanny Fran or a girl named Niles. Duh.
Ace Johnson? wasn't that a character in "Talladega nights?" What? Shake & bake was taken already?
I've always liked Jessica, but why would you name a kid Ace?
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Don't blame me! I voted for Kodos!
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 11:26am.
Awwww I think Violet is a cutie. I think she is going to grow up to be a pretty girl.
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Your Chick-Fil-A is showing. - ISprainedMyUvula 8/3/2012
I approve. I like nickname-y given names.
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 11:26am.
Violet Affleck is my FAVE kid! She is not beautiful, but she is always so happy
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I know, right? I would love to babysit her for an afternoon - it would probably improve my shitty attitude!
"My pug is smarter than your honor student."
What Lisbet so beautifully articulated. Brava!
Ace is a fuxking NICKNAME. Name your kid Andrew and call him "Ace" if you absolutely HAVE to force a PERSONA onto your unformed child. Jesus CHRIST this makes me stabby.
Maxwell isn't my favorite name ever, but at least I can take it seriously. Unless Ace is a buff race car driver, people are going to snicker.
Baby Maxwell is SO cute!
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Your Chick-Fil-A is showing. - ISprainedMyUvula 8/3/2012
Violet Affleck is my FAVE kid! She is not beautiful, but she is always so happy- Shiloh is my other fave.
Maxwell is cute, but G-d help those kids growing up Simpson.
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How can I ask anyone to love me
When all I do is beg to be left alone?
Ignint parents.
Submitted by casamarylouisa on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 11:21am.
Maxwell is the cutest of all the celebrity babies.
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I would say she's right up there, but those Affleck kidlets are pretty damn cute too. I love seeing pictures of them cuz their always smiling. :) Makes me happy.
"My pug is smarter than your honor student."
Her lil' baby is soooooo cute and I'm totally digging her boots.
Jessica doesn't rub me the wrong way. She seems like a nice enough person and you can tell she's totally in to being a mom. That's cool. Nothing wrong with that.
"My pug is smarter than your honor student."
Maxwell is the cutest of all the celebrity babies. Definitely cuter than Kourtneys. Sorry but her kids are kind of freakish looking. And Jessica is looking good this time around, might be carrying a boy. Boys don’t make you pork up like girls, they say it is the hormones.
Lisbet -- OMG, that cartoon is hysterical! I see a lot of kids that look like that, too -- LOL!
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"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"
"Two eyes, two eyebrows."
Cat >^,,^<
I think Maxwell is so cute! If you take that passie out of her mouth... she has lips just like John Mayer... check it out..
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://wf-blogs.sharecdn.com/images/...
Maxwell and Ace. *rolls eyes*
Celebs should not be able to name their own babies. This should be law.
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How can I ask anyone to love me
When all I do is beg to be left alone?
Chestica must be a KISS fan
OK. That little girl is CUTE! Say what you want about Chestica but I think she's a hot mamma.
There was a guy on Real World named Ace. He sounds just as MK described him.
Yeah, well I used to tell everyone I was going to name my son "Hubert Buford Manfred Beauregard" and call him "Hubba Bubba Mo Bo" and I was just kidding.
I can't hate on Jessica. She's harmless, pleasant enough, a successful businesswoman, keeps her underwear on and stays out of trouble. I'll save my derision for more worthy targets, like Lilo.
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"If it was sea jasper, we all know it was our favorite ethics professor." LaChaylo
LaChaylo! Hilarious show! I'd watch that train wreak!
I have to give props to the "chichi bullfrog". Her offspring is a cutie!
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Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie
Submitted by Lisbet459 on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 10:57am.
If you want to be all unique, then do it your own goddamn self. No taking it out on your kids.
hahaha. So true. But don't most parents try to live through their kids in some way?
Her baby is so cute and obviously loved and well taken care of. One thing I hate about MK is his hate for Jessica Simpson. I think she's pretty and her apparel line is cute. She's human, she gets fat, she eats bad food...so the fuck what? At least she's not a drunk, or druggie and she has a pretty good reputation here in Dallas as being nice.
The big chichi bullfrog here and wooly mammoth Khloe Kuntrashian should team up for a reality show about eating and breeding. The frog could give the mammoth breeding tips. That's a golden turd of a show right there.
Eric's been watching that shirtless volleyball scene in Top Gun one too many times.
"You're dangerous, Ace..."
*CHOMP*
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A Lannister always pays his debts.
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 10:45am.
What, Striker was taken?
LOL - my friend's pup is named Striker.
Maxwell is adorable. JS looks good.
The "Ace" should be a nickname, not the real name.
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 10:56am.
Whamo -- and believe me, there are loads of squashed melon headed ugly babies out there. And I HATE when they put those goddamn humongous flower headbands on the ugly ones -- it's like, "let's draw attention to this heinous-looking kid!" Maxwell is cute.
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No parent in the history of the world has ever thought that their baby was ugly. As far as they're concerned, they're just showing off how beautiful their baby is. They are biologically incapable of seeing them objectively.
This comic on the topic made me laugh:
http://www.lunarbaboon.com/comics/perception.html
I feel a bit odd saying this, but does Maxwell remind anyone else of Michelle Williams?
I'd vote for you, Lisbet!
One of my rule for when I eventually take over the world (and you know it's gonna happen):
If you want to be all unique, then do it your own goddamn self. No taking it out on your kids. Wish you had a more unique name? Fine. Change your own name. Don't make some poor innocent go through life called "Ace"/Apple/insert kuh-RAY-zee and unique name.
It's like with those stories about parents raising their child as ostentatiously gender neutral. If you're so gender neutral and open minded, then be gender non conformist at work and with your friends and extended fami - oops, that would require doing something yourself, rather than inflicting an allegedly revolutionary choice on someone else.
Which isn't strictly relevant to Jessica Simpson, but I choose to believe that the two are related.
That baby is so cute! Jessica Simpson is one lucky bitch. Dumb-as-a-doornail, but fabulously wealthy with a handsome, paid-for significant other, a beautiful baby, and another one on the way. I'm jealous! Why didn't my daddy pimp me out? Instead he kept telling me ridiculous things like, "Get a good education. Get a job in math or science." What an idiot! (just kidding, Dad)
The name has versatility, I'll give her that. Could be a porn star, cheesy dj, or oil-changing grease monkey at the local jiffy-lube.
Whamo -- and believe me, there are loads of squashed melon headed ugly babies out there. And I HATE when they put those goddamn humongous flower headbands on the ugly ones -- it's like, "let's draw attention to this heinous-looking kid!" Maxwell is cute.
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"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"
"Two eyes, two eyebrows."
"When I translate Ace Johnson from bro talk to English in Google translation, it gives me the phrase "champion penis."
Yep... my first thought when I saw the name was that it was rather porn-ish. Do we know if this baby is a girl or a boy yet? I would assume that they'd only give a name like Ace to a boy, but you never do know with her.
Maxi Pad is just adorable.♥ love her lil boots!
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"OBAMA PLEASE HELP ME I DON'T HAVE A JOB"
"NO SORRY BUT HERE'S SOME WEED AND A VOUCHER TO GET MARRIED TO YOUR UNCLE" THANKS OBAMA
Sucky 12/19
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 10:45am.
What, Striker was taken?
LOL. I hope he's born instead with a fondness for tutus and angel wings.
<"Ace Johnson smells like Irish Spring">
Homer Simpson's favorite alterego "MAX POWER" showers with that Lava stuff with the sand in it.
I think Jessica looks really good, and her babe is Gerber-worthy. Hubby looks like he could use a bath, though.
Couldn't give a fuck what parents choose for names. The turned-up noses and insults that came our way when we named our daughter turned me off criticizing someone else's choice. (Um, we named her "Emma".)
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"Marriage is what you do when you decide one cock is good enough to let the owner annoy you for the rest of your life." - TrashyWilma
As far as the usual squashed melon headed ugly babies we normally see go this one is a cutie.
Jessica really needs to learn to stop over sharing her personal life.