Jessica Simpson Already Has A Name Picked Out For Her Unborn Baby

February 20, 2013 / Posted by:

Jessica Simpson’s body doesn’t look like it’s storing a SeaWorld tank of amniotic fluid in it, so that means she’s got a long ass way to go before she births out her surprise baby. But a source tells UsWeekly that Jessica and her bought and paid for piece Eric Johnson have already burped up the perfect name for their second kid. No, Jessica isn’t naming her kid Buttered Pop Tart Johnson or Whoops Johnson. Jessica and Eric are giving their kid an even better name. The name they’re writing on the birf certificate is:

ACE JOHNSON!!!!!!!!!!

The source says that Eric and Jessica are going around telling people that they’re going to name their baby friend Ace Johnson. Ace Johnson sounds like the name of a frat boy at a community college who had dreams of becoming the most successful day trader in the Northern Orange County area, but ended up becoming a bar back at a sports bar before eventually getting a job as a driver on Bang Bus. Ace Johnson smells like Irish Spring, Abercrombie cologne and AXE hair paste. Ace Johnson uses his full name as his Xbox Live username, because his name is just that awesome.

When I translate Ace Johnson from bro talk to English in Google translation, it gives me the phrase “champion penis.” Jessica Simpson has really outdone herself this time.

And here’s Jessica with Baby Maxwell outside of a Mexican restaurant in Burbank a couple of days ago (yes, this is why a burrito shortage was issued in the Southern California area).

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