Hot Slut Of The Day!
THIS police report Michigan's Trenton Police Department!
I am so happy that two Mondays ago, Florida took the day off and let Michigan bring the full-fledged foolery for a change. Everything about this police report is perfect from the romance by the horse area to the 67-year-old dildo sucker admitting that he's addicted (emphasis on dic) to dildos. Dude should be on Strange Addiction and the officer who wrote this police reporter should win a Pulitzer.
Narrative: On Monday, February, 11, 2013, at approximately 10:55am, I, Sgt. Allen was dispatched to Elizabeth Park by the horse area on a subject in a silver car sucking on a dildo. The witness was in a blue car in the area.
Upon my arrival to the area, the witness, [name blacked out], flagged me down and pointed to the silver 4dr car turning from the parking area on to Elizabeth heading toward the exit. [name blacked out] said the driver drove by [blacked out] and was sucking on a dildo, it appeared to be upsetting to [name blacked out] and wanted the vehicle stopped and investigated.
I stopped the vehicle by the exit to the park. The vehicle was bearing [blacked out]/MI tag of [blacked out] with - vin of [blacked out], on a 2010 Ford Fusion, registered to [name blacked out], with OPS - [name blacked out], resides on [address blacked out].
Upon my approach to the driver's door, the driver was the only occupant and not wearing a seat belt. I also saw, a flesh colored dildo lying on the passenger seat. I questioned [name blacked out] on what he was doing and [name blacked out] said, "SUCKING ON A DILDO, I'M SORRY." [name blacked out] admitted to having a problem with sex toys.
I arrested Mr. [name blacked out] for Disorderly Conduct in a public park. Ptl. Durbin transported [name blacked out] to the Trenton jail and processed him into booking. [name blacked out]'s car was towed by Lyons. [name blacked out] was issued a ticket #T612324 for Disorderly Conduct and no seat belt.
And I'm sorry, but you should never be sorry about sucking on a dildo. More importantly, how is giving a beej to a dildo in your car on a Monday morning a crime?! Doesn't "free" in land of the "free" also include sucking a plastic peen in your car on a Monday morning?
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"SUCKING ON A DILDO, I'M SORRY." - is almost better than a "do not disturb sign" on the door... bwahahaha
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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it pisses me off how insensitive everyone is on this fucking blog. doesn't anyone care how the dildo feels?
"Just look at all the fucks I give!"
I didn't know sucking on a dildo was against the law. You learn something new everyday. How fast was he going at it that he got a ticket for not wearing a seat belt. I know it was bad that he was in a park,but at least he was messing with a hunk of plastic or rubber and not trying to pick up some little kid.
isn't there always a real peen that need sucking somewhere?
As long as he wasn't licking shit off of it, I would have let him go.
OK. I completely missed the point that he was near or at a park where children were present. I was too busy LOLing at some dude driving around with a dildo in his mouth knob knobing all over it without a care in the world.
Sucking on a dildo is like buying a blow-up doll so you can perform cunnilingus on it.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
I had a cop tell me on a ride along that he had to respond to a robbery at an adult store where dildos and all kinds of toys were stolen. He had to write down a description of each item. Too many LOLs.
If the dude did it in a back alley and maybe at 10:55pm, it probably wouldnt be an issue. But in a park in the morning with kids? Thats some sex offender shit right there.
As for the "arent there more important cases" comments, cops are obligated by law to respond to a call, no matter how absurd it may seem compared to a more serious crime.
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"Not a second goes by when one isn't cock-a-doodle-doodling up my asshole. That sounded sexy, but it isn't." - Michael K.
Well my life makes sense now..
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Don't start none and the'll be none.
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 1:27pm.
hahaha. I'M SORRY.
Submitted by RandéSleepover on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 1:21pm.
L'autoérotisme? As-TU (!) encore lu Freud, mon cher Randé?
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Sounds autoerotic.
Stick to Charm's Blow-pops, and you won't get arrested.
Submitted by agirl on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 9:58am.
"SUCKING ON A DILDO, I'M SORRY"
This is my new all-purpose excuse.
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Curses! You beat me to it, agirl! lol!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Why did he need his seat belt on if the car was parked? Or is sucking on dildo something that requires you to be buckled in?
It's a park! Same as sitting outside an elementary school to me. Perv.
Whoever was in the blue car is a dick.
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...the end
Soooo...It's illegal to be sitting in your car sucking on a dildo?
*takes note*
Don't IF and her hubby live in MI? Maybe this was a set-up by Dog. It sounds like her handiwork.
Perhaps this would be more socially acceptable:
http://www.spencersonline.com/product/rainbow-penis-pops-12-pk1/
I live in Michigan! And I WASN'T SUCKING ON A DILDO, I'M SORRY.
Okay, which one of you was it? CLEARLY a D-Lister....
Submitted by annobanano on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 10:28am.
Of COURSE it's Trenton. Also home of this piece of trash:
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"Drove it down there in front of her husband's house, opens casket, guns the engine,"
WTF LOL, how fucking baked do you have to be to do something like this, I mean Sweeet Geeeezuz
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam: "Submitted by suckandfuck on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 9:33am.
I knew it was you. Why weren't you wearing a seat belt?"
HAHAHAHAHAHA! I farking love you guys. Cracking me up. Horz.
WTF is WRONG with people!? LOL! Holy shit there isn't a better place to suck a dildo!
Hey I just had a brilliant idea, I'll open a cafe for dildo suckers so they don't feel the oppression of having to suck dildo out on the streets like a common rubber narfer. You could have a nice cup of coffee, read the paper and suck dildo to your hearts content without being judged.
So grab your favorite dildo and come on by, there is lots of windowfront seating as well.
I mean I know lots of states have weird laws still intact from the olden days but is this really a crime?
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Your Chick-Fil-A is showing. - ISprainedMyUvula 8/3/2012
Of COURSE it's Trenton. Also home of this piece of trash:
http://www.mlive.com/news/detroit/index.ssf/2010/10/video_worst_neighbor...
And no, I'm not from Trenton, lol
LMFAO. I get why it'd be a crime in public and "upsetting." But who gets off on that? I guess the same people who buy plastic sex dolls.
so......the real crime is that this person wasn't wearing a seat belt...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
Submitted by suckandfuck on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 9:33am.
I knew it was you. Why weren't you wearing a seat belt?
Dildo sucking is good for practcing your technique, just remember not to turn it on or you may chip a tooth!
boss "so why are you late for work"
chirio: oh sucking on a dildo,I'm sorry *walks away*
Coma Caca!
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I wonder how many murders, burglaries, etc. were committed in the area while the police was working on this "all-important-case."
"SUCKING ON A DILDO, I'M SORRY"
This is my new all-purpose excuse.
You know, I'd totally become a cop if I could choose just to deal with the weird cases. You know, sort of like the background cases on The Unusuals.
But hey, there's not much to do in Michigan these days EXCEPT suck on dildos.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
*tries to remember which Dlisters live in Michigan*
Good thing he wasn't sucking on a black dildo or he'd also be charged with a hate crime.
There's nothing else happening in Michigan...other than sucking on a dildo. I'm sorry! this is all sorts of sad! let him be!!!
Coma Caca!
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"Sucking on a dildo. I'm sorry. Do you want a lick?" would have made him Hot Slut of the Year.
Oh, HONEY!
SUCKING ON A DILDO, I'M SORRY
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.