Afternoon Crumbs
A check is a check: Lance Bass, SuBo, Tiffany, Wynonna Judd, The Village People and other glittery stars of the A-list universe sing about opening their mouths for a white creamy load. This is the closest any of us will get to seeing SuBo in a sex tape so take it and fap to it while you can get it – Towleroad
But for why did Entertainment Tonight make Prince Michael Jackson look like a 30-something motivational speaker? – Lainey Gossip
The German rose Micaela Schaefer is still putting her shredder to good use – Hollywood Tuna
Either Lisa Marie Presley left the Church of Tommy Girl or she used to be in the KGB (yes, I’ve been watching The Americans) – Celebitchy
“Hey, you filing papers over there, you want to take my daughter for a date for $500? But whatever you do, don’t feed her a Frapp after midnight.” – Daddy Spears to David – The Superficial
Miley Cyrus did something really shocking on Instagram. Happy Sarcasm Day! – Drunken Stepfather
FYI: British dudes do not want to hump on Kristen Stewart (and I’m sure RPattz voted for her too) – The Berry
Even though Colin Farrell looks like bruised, beaten and busted Skillrex, I still would – ICYDK
The new Real Housewife of Orange County looks like a low-budget Denise Richards wax figure with Tish Cyrus’ dentures shoved into its mouth – Reality Tea
It’s nice to see that one of Janet Jackson’s tour costumes from the 90s made its way onto Selena Gomez’s body – Popoholic
“Creatives differences” is a publicist’s way of saying that even Alec Baldwin couldn’t take Shia LaDouche’s drunk asshole ways – Just Jared
Thanks, Post Office, but I’ll keep my money in my wallet until UPS starts selling their brown coochie cutters – Jezebel
Squinty Zellweger is starring in staged photo-ops on the beach now – Popsugar
The alley way of doom between Bethenny Frankel’s chichis tells me that she has the same plastic surgeon as Tori Spelling – Celebslam
The word “nigga” will continue to make an appearance on Lisa Lampanelli’s tongue – Crunk + Disorderly
The people of Harlem on the Harlem Shake – Videogum
Pimp Mama Kris just pulled Kim’s leash tighter, because her prized pig ain’t going anywhere – I’m Not Obsessed
RiRi is spending her 25th birthday the same way she spends every day – Cityrag
Michelle Williams is growing her hair out, which is why she looks like an Emo guinea pig right now – SOW
White Oprah, is that you? – The Frisky