The Illuminati’s chosen one has been marinating in Kim Kardashian’s uterus for about 4 minutes and she’s already baring some of her barely existent bump in a bikini for camera clicks. It’s going to be a long few months, because this is only the beginning. We’re going to be begging for Jessica Simpson’s naked knocked up body and Mimi’s Cocker Spaniel bra by the time Kim has assaulted our eyes with every inch of her bald fetus dome. Bitch probably has a personal and full-time Photoshop team living in the attic of her mansion, because she’s going to be posing naked for every magazine, newspaper, billboard, social networking service, PennySaver, animal periodical and pregnancy fetish site for the rest of her pregnancy. Brace your eyeballs now.
Pimp Mama Kris’ number one kash kow opened up (although, it’s kind of hard to open up more when you’re already as open up as a lone bottom’s b-hole at a pass-around orgy) to DuJour Magazine (temporarily renamed DoucheWhore Magazine in Kim’s honor) and she talked about herself, herself, herself, herself, herself, herself, herself, herself, herself, herself and meth. I’ll leave out the stuff she said about herself and only give you what she said about meth:
“I used to always say I can’t wait to get pregnant because I will just eat whatever I want, but it’s completely different. I’m like, OK, I want to eat as healthy as possible. Though lately I’ve been watching shows like I’m Pregnant and Addicted to Meth. It definitely makes me feel better if I’m wanting one sip of Diet Coke or, you know, too much sugar. I’m like, This woman is on meth.”
Kim’s fetus is probably screaming, “Fuck the Diet Coke, give me meth nooooooooooooow!“
And here’s Kim leaving some jewelry store while looking like four kinds of tragic. She’s wearing four different outfits and each outfit is fuglier than the last. She looks like a business woman witch from the late 90s. I seriously love her stylist for making her look like a troll with no torso.