And So It Begins....
The Illuminati's chosen one has been marinating in Kim Kardashian's uterus for about 4 minutes and she's already baring some of her barely existent bump in a bikini for camera clicks. It's going to be a long few months, because this is only the beginning. We're going to be begging for Jessica Simpson's naked knocked up body and Mimi's Cocker Spaniel bra by the time Kim has assaulted our eyes with every inch of her bald fetus dome. Bitch probably has a personal and full-time Photoshop team living in the attic of her mansion, because she's going to be posing naked for every magazine, newspaper, billboard, social networking service, PennySaver, animal periodical and pregnancy fetish site for the rest of her pregnancy. Brace your eyeballs now.
Pimp Mama Kris' number one kash kow opened up (although, it's kind of hard to open up more when you're already as open up as a lone bottom's b-hole at a pass-around orgy) to DuJour Magazine (temporarily renamed DoucheWhore Magazine in Kim's honor) and she talked about herself, herself, herself, herself, herself, herself, herself, herself, herself, herself and meth. I'll leave out the stuff she said about herself and only give you what she said about meth:
"I used to always say I can’t wait to get pregnant because I will just eat whatever I want, but it’s completely different. I’m like, OK, I want to eat as healthy as possible. Though lately I’ve been watching shows like I’m Pregnant and Addicted to Meth. It definitely makes me feel better if I’m wanting one sip of Diet Coke or, you know, too much sugar. I’m like, This woman is on meth.”
Kim's fetus is probably screaming, "Fuck the Diet Coke, give me meth nooooooooooooow!"
And here's Kim leaving some jewelry store while looking like four kinds of tragic. She's wearing four different outfits and each outfit is fuglier than the last. She looks like a business woman witch from the late 90s. I seriously love her stylist for making her look like a troll with no torso.
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I for one really really hope it is a pillow baby. The world can always use more pillows. The last thing the world needs is another fameho KarTrashian. If it is really a baby and has Kanye's ego and Kim's ass she is really going to look like Octo-Mom. Between the size of it's swollen head and huge ass it's going to look like there are 8 kids in there. Hopefully it will stretch her out so bad she'll never feel another dick in there again.
Im confused; why is octomom dressed in her grandma's 90 x 132 plastic tablecloth and wearing her yellowed underwear? does she need money again to feed her growing brood of curtain climbers?
She just looks so dirty and greasy!
Is she going to pull a Beyonce? Because I can't see the bump. Or is it that she's milking every second of her pregnancy that it feels like she's on her last trimester?
Submitted by Bossy on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 8:47am.
Here's a novel idea MK: how about you stop covering the Kardashians? Because really, they don't care if you snark about them, they LOVE that you took the time to spread the word about them no matter what you wrote. Not being acknowledged, now that ticks them off.
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I support ^^^^^THIS^^^^^.
But . . . "business woman witch" is solid gold. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha . . . .
Mrs j. The Illuminati wouldn't pissed on the fat cow. Get over yourself no talent useless freak. Take your classless family with you Bruce you spineless shit why did you let your wife do the things she is doing to those tramps you help raise. What stepfather thinks its ok to make a porn movie then put it on the internet. You should call your family
THE NO MORALS OR CLASS
Still looks like a fattie, not pregnant to me at all. At this point the belly should be at least a bit like Ms Jessica alwayspregs Simpson's.
I can't wait for her ass to be the size of two football fields.
I am lovin this. All of it. The jacked up clothes, the unfortunate bloat, the ugly face, and the lazy eye thing. Perfection.
I bet this whole pregnancy is really irratating to beyonce. And for that reason I am willing to deal with kim's picture everywhere. I hate kim but beyonce is beyond hate.
Her legs are a fucking mess. Did she crawl to the shoot?
I see she's still wearing those maternity leather pants....and what's with the sports bra on backwards top?? I have to say that I am relishing the fact that bitch looks more fat than pregnant. No hint of a preggo belly, not even a bump...just a big fat(ter) ass. Still think that's where she's carrying her demon spawn.
<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!!!
I don't think Mr. Weber likes her very much.
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"Marriage is what you do when you decide one cock is good enough to let the owner annoy you for the rest of your life." - TrashyWilma
Her face is looking worse every time I see her. Especially the duck lips.
can't even photoshop out all the cellulite. GROSS. Still no hint of a baby bump. FRAUD.
Her face is starting to look like that guy from the movie MASK. She needs to cut it out with the fillers.
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"Bye, Whore" -MK
Did she not shower for a week for this shoot??? look at her HAIR!!!! Fkn Disgusting!!!
********* SAVE A LIFE. ADOPT A PET *********
I'm surprised at how dumpy she's been looking these days. She is a fashion person and must know there are ways to dress for pregnancy that are stylish. She can well afford to have a kick ass pregnancy wardrobe so it's strange that she is looking like she does.
Capitanne THOSE VOICES! Ugh, by mistake I heard Khloe the other day (don't judge, that bitch showed up on HGTV out of the blue) and I was like "HOLY HELL THAT VOICE AYAIAAIAIAIAIAIA, it's a KARDASHIAN!"
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"OBAMA PLEASE HELP ME I DON'T HAVE A JOB"
"NO SORRY BUT HERE'S SOME WEED AND A VOUCHER TO GET MARRIED TO YOUR UNCLE" THANKS OBAMA
Sucky 12/19
Submitted by Jess Sayin on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 10:37am.
THIS BITCH!!! she looks a fucking mess and I love it!! I heard the word twins thrown around... which I hope not cause I can't take one not along two Piss-ye babies
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Probably is twins - Hollywood style - in vitro.
Bitch had the nerve to say she and Kayne had more trouble getting pregnant than Sasquatch and her buck. Bitch and Kayne have been dating less than a year and she is still married to someone else. Call me old-fashioned but media-worship of scum like the Kardashians really has put us in the toilet.
I dunno, to me she looks pregnant. She has that bloated, uncomfortable, "I'm about to barf" look about her. Beyonce never changed or looked the least bit uncomfortable throughout her pillow baby endeavors. She was like the ideal pregnant woman -- everything the same except for a cute little (pillow) bump. This poor cow looks like she's suffering a bit. I can't stand her, but I can empathize.
Submitted by Peppy Deerfield on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 9:45am.
She always did have what we used to call in High School, a high PTE (potential to explode).
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Never before in the history of everything has a family gone so far on so little. Nothing she says or does is even a little bit useful or interesting.
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Who can stand listening to the sounds of their voices much less the vapid shit they say with them?
They sound like a bunch of toddler whores, look like waxed down chimpanzees (including the gross asses) and do nothing but chase after c-list black dicks (figuratively and literally speaking.) Kayne is clearly trying to cover the fact that he is gay with the biggest, hairiest beard in Hollywood.
THIS BITCH!!! she looks a fucking mess and I love it!! I heard the word twins thrown around... which I hope not cause I can't take one not along two Piss-ye babies
This is going to get old until she calves.
Does she have the same stylist as Brittney Spears?
"It definitely makes me feel better if I’m wanting one sip of Diet Coke or, you know, too much sugar. I’m like, This woman is on meth.”
Keep setting that bar lower, sausage legs.
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"Marriage is what you do when you decide one cock is good enough to let the owner annoy you for the rest of your life." - TrashyWilma
Its going to be fun watching her blow up to J. Simpson proportions. She always did have what we used to call in High School, a high PTE (potential to explode).
Isn't she at the gym frequently? With Tracey Anderson (Who is a total fitness hack and a fraud.)? How does she have zero muscle tone?? I know mall-walkers who have more tone.
Submitted by Hekki on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 8:43am.
Submitted by lovesmesomeblackdick: "And no Kim you shouldn't drink Diet Coke or any soda while your pregnant. At least I'm not doing meth???"
My NPD SIL is addicted to diet soda. She drinks AT LEAST 2 liters a day. At least. When she was pg, her doctor said a can a day was okay, but not more. She cut down for a bit, but not for long. Today her kid has significant gross motor delays, and what I believe is a spot on the autism spectrum. He gets physical therapy for his motor issues but she refuses to acknowledge that he could have any other issues. Although he will spend hours flipping a light switch or opening and closing a door. NO PROBLEM
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It drives me absolutely nuts when parents have denial issues about their own kids because they're doing their kids a disservice and not getting them the help they need.
I have an aunt that refused to accept both of her kids autism for years....now it's nearly impossible to control them because she's still in semi-denial and isn't consistent with their therapy/meds.
She sucks big time...I smh at the media even payhing attention to her when there are more fabulous, wealthier, talented American women out here. This trick is trash. She's not even good enough for D listed! I hope Humphries drags out this divorce without an end. Serves her and her ugly family right.
That's a good point.
She is starting to look like Octo-Mom. Wouldn't take much to be her twin.
I really hope she isn't going to start this posing crap. I don't want to see her cellulite which is already apparent.
Wow, somebody many an Octomom comment and she really does look like Octomom in the third and fourth picture of that shoot. And, hah, those bongo pictures... if I thought she had a sense of humor about herself, then they might not be quite as ridiculous.
I agree with Hekki. I doubt Kanye likes handing over all the attention. It will be interesting to see how the situation plays out.
She's similar to Lindsay Lohan in the no muscle tone department. This fatass had a fitnes video of her own, is a spokesperson for those damn tone up Skechers or whatever and has the flabby thighs, knees and calves of an 85 yr old woman. I'm not a serious runner, nor am I stick thin, but at least you can see some muscle definition.
Submitted by Hekki on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 8:43am.
Submitted by lovesmesomeblackdick: "And no Kim you shouldn't drink Diet Coke or any soda while your pregnant. At least I'm not doing meth???"
My NPD SIL is addicted to diet soda. She drinks AT LEAST 2 liters a day. At least.
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Well shit....I drink 2 cans of Diet Coke a day, and I thought I was addicted!
yikes. That's really sad.
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A Lannister always pays his debts.
Like OMG, and Like...shut the f**** up!!!
Coma Caca!
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Here's a novel idea MK: how about you stop covering the Kardashians? Because really, they don't care if you snark about them, they LOVE that you took the time to spread the word about them no matter what you wrote. Not being acknowledged, now that ticks them off.
Submitted by lovesmesomeblackdick: "And no Kim you shouldn't drink Diet Coke or any soda while your pregnant. At least I'm not doing meth???"
My NPD SIL is addicted to diet soda. She drinks AT LEAST 2 liters a day. At least. When she was pg, her doctor said a can a day was okay, but not more. She cut down for a bit, but not for long. Today her kid has significant gross motor delays, and what I believe is a spot on the autism spectrum. He gets physical therapy for his motor issues but she refuses to acknowledge that he could have any other issues. Although he will spend hours flipping a light switch or opening and closing a door. NO PROBLEM.
That DoucheJour site crashed my phone's Internet. Apparently as riddled with bugs as Kim is.
And where is Kanye? something tells me his massive ego isn't going to like all the attention on Kim. And he isn't going to play by PMK's rules and he will be shooed out the door quickly, like KrisH was. And then it'll be all "I'm a Single Mom!" magazine covers.
Submitted by bird on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 1:23am.
I hope she gets really super fat and can't ever lose the "baby" weight. That will end her "career"
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i bet Kris has already been on the phone to Weight Watchers to try and cut a deal.
Add me to team "I thought that was octomom"
I can't believe how terrible she dresses herself, does she not notice how it makes her look? Does she not have a mirror? And no Kim you shouldn't drink Diet Coke or any soda while your pregnant. At least I'm not doing meth???? Please make them all go away...please...please...
She looks like a bloated pig.
So how long after the baby drops does Kanye become an absentee dad?
Submitted by Istillhavetime on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 4:15am.
I will be in L.A. soon,i should pose as a pap and yell "octo-mom,octo-mom over here! You look beautiful!!"
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PLEASE do that!!!
In that 14 page "story" in DoucheWhore shot by Bruce Weber(?!), her face is definitely headed in the Octo- direction.
And what a natural bongo player she is-- she must be hanging with M. McConaughey.
Submitted by carefreea on Wed, 02/20/2013 - 7:32am.
http://www.dujour.com/2013-03/817/kim-kardashian-in-search-of-the-k-fact...
I'd happily stab her for that picture alone. The slide before it has the main pic amongst some others but not a one shows anything. It's like some KK attempt at coy. No bitch, no.
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Clicked on the link... "Everyday woman..."??? WTF? Seriously, who is drinking this kool-aid?
The thought that - no matter what - this is all just a PR stunt disgusts and saddens me greatly. If she is pretending to be pregnant only to have a pretend miscarriage, is absolutely... AUGH! I have no words. And to BE pregnant just to keep herself relevant is also so... so... AUGH!
I'm 47 years old -- is this REALLY what the next generation is about?? Seriously. Because if it is, we are so royally screwed.
http://www.dujour.com/2013-03/817/kim-kardashian-in-search-of-the-k-fact...
I'd happily stab her for that picture alone. The slide before it has the main pic amongst some others but not a one shows anything. It's like some KK attempt at coy. No bitch, no.
Need more caffeine for this blackhole of shamelessness.
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"In other news, the University of Color Me Surprised released a report today which states that water is indeed wet. Mind. Boggled" - Michael K, who else?
Submitted by kbug on Wed, 02/20/2013 -
12:35am.
She's starting to look like Octomom.
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I think so too. I guess nobody told her that gaining weight would smear her plastic surgery. Bye bye, mannequin face, Hello Octo-Kim.
WTF is she paying Tracey Anderson for? Her legs have no muscle tone or definition whatsoever. At least her face doesn't look quite as alien as normal...that's the most positive thing I can say.
You guys with the "I don't think she is pregnant" theory have almost convinced me. And she's setting it up with all those stories about Kris Humphries stressing her out.
And that outfit is just ridiculous. Ridiculous. As in deserving of ridicule.