IMPORTANT BREAKING NEWS: RiRi Scraped Her Knee

February 17, 2013 / Posted by:

RiRi was in London last night for the launch of her fashion line, which is perfect for the Tampa Bay-area beach hooker who wants to look like she bought all of her ho shit uniforms at The Salvation Army in the early 90s, and while going to the after-party for her show, she scraped her knee. ESCANDALO, I know.

America’s foremost literary journal of all things true Media Takeout (via HL, TMZ, DM and everywhere else) says that when RiRi and model Cara Delevingne were walking into The Box, some batshit crazy fan started screaming some stuff about Chris Brown while throwing a glass bottle of Lucozade at her. The bottle didn’t hit RiRi, but all the chaos made her fall into a metal grate and the grate cut her knee right open. MTO says that RiRi’s knee SLICED open, but I’m sure most of us have had razor cuts on our assholes that were deeper than that cut.

After the crazed fan tried to hit RiRi with a bottle, her bodyguard went after the bottle hurler and hurt his leg while doing so. The fan got away and RiRi’s bodyguard had to go to the hospital for treatment.

There are thousands of pictures of RiRi going into and coming out of The Box last night and I couldn’t find one picture of the crazed fan or a picture of a bottle flying at her head. So either it didn’t happen or the crazed fan is a pap-proof ninja ghost. If that’s the case, can’t the crazed fan use their ninja-like powers to go after The Difficult Brown next time? Speaking of The Difficult Brown, England better pull in the welcome mat, lock the doors and turn off all the nights, because I have a feeling that Chris Brown is going to land on their shores after smelling RiRi’s blood.

For even more RiRi fuckery, click here to see what happened when The Sunday Times Magazine lost their minds and put a whole lot of WRONG on their cover.

And more importantly, why is Cara Delevingne dressed like the sluttiest member of JJ Fad?

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