Oscar Pistorius Will Be Charged With Premeditated Murder

February 15, 2013 / Posted by:

Oscar Pistorius, the double amputee sprinter who became the sweetheart of the Olympics this past summer, cried tears into his hands in a court room in South Africa this morning when the prosecutors announced that they will throw a premeditated murder charge at his ass, because they believe he meant to shoot his 30-year-old girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp. Oscar’s agent told reporters that he didn’t mean to shoot his girlfriend dead and he will fight the charges.

According to the literary journal where I get all my very important news, The Daily Mail, the police were called to Oscar’s house in Pretoria after neighbors heard some noises. Apparently, the neighbors called before the shooting. Neighbors also said they heard screaming and shouting before the shooting. After the shooting, the security guards from Oscar’s gated community found him kneeling next to Reeva’s body in the downstairs bathroom. She was shot four times through a closed bathroom door. The police didn’t buy Oscar’s whole “I thought she was a robba!” story and immediately arrested him. A rep for the police department said yesterday that they’ve been called out to Oscar’s house before to deal with situations of a “domestic nature.” Oscar was also arrested in 2009 for allegedly assaulting a female friend. The friend eventually dropped the charges.

Pretoria has one of the highest rates of home robbery in South Africa and Oscar said in an interview once that he was paranoid about people breaking into his house. Last November, he tweeted: “Nothing like getting home to hear the washing machine on and thinking its an intruder to go into full combat recon mode into the pantry! waa.” 

I don’t really get that washing machine tweet either. If a thief breaks into your house and starts doing laundry, they’re either the nicest burglar ever or they have a serious case of OCD.

I don’t even know what to make of this and I’m going to need South Africa to fly Detective La Toya Jackson in so she can get to the bottom of this and EVERYTHING else. I mean, shooting through the bathroom door makes me think that he really thought she was a burglar and just went crazy like Rose McGowan with her leg gun. But the neighbors heard shouting noises hours before the shooting and that makes it seem like a domestic situation.

I don’t know, but I do know that these pictures from the court room look like they were taken with a View-Master from the inside of a closet.

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