Soon You'll Be Able To Cleanse Your Insides With Brangelina's Holy Rosé
Churches everywhere are pouring their jugs of communion wine into the sink, because a new wine is coming out that is more holier and purer than any other wine and sipping on it will make you feel like you're sucking blood directly from Jesus' vein. Since Angelina Jolie supposedly drinks a bottle of wine every night to drown out the screeching sounds of the child army, she and Brad Pitt figured that they might as well cut out the middle bitch and make their own wine. The British wine magazine Decanter (via L.A. Times) says that Brad and Angie have joined wine making forces with the Perrins of Beaucastel to produce their own brand of rosé. The name "Bitch" was already taken, so they're calling their label "Miraval Provence" instead.
The wine will be produced at Brangie's fancy French estate called Château Miraval, which has a vineyard on it. The Perrin family (no relation to God Warrior, I think) will be responsible for making and selling the wine. Chateau Miraval used to produce a pink wine called Pink Floyd, which was named after the band, because they recorded The Wall in a studio on the property. Marc Perrin tells Decanter that the Miraval rosé will be out next month and they have plans to release a white wine in the summer and a red wine sometime next year. Marc says that Brangie is all about it.
"They (the Jolie-Pitts) want to ensure they are making the best Provence wines they can. They were present at the blending sessions this year, and are relooking at everything from the installations in the winery – where we have already switched to stainless steel tanks – to reworking the labels across the range of wines."
A wine critic has already tasted the Miraval rosé and says that "this deliciously bitter wine offers subtle barrel nuances, with hints of hash, baby saliva and the tears of a scorned woman . Along with this is a strange flavors that sort of tastes like the pristine blood of a virgin or like an angel's first period. And maybe it was just the bottle I drank from, but my glass had bits of Cabbage Patch Kid stuffing floating in it for some reason."
And yes, Miraval rosé is best served uncool.
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I'm sure the wine dilates that forehead vein. You can probably use it to take her pulse.
Those two are all about the money. They're clearly business partners, because they sure aren't into each other.
shamelessly peddling crap, big surprise from these two. i don't watch movies very often but out of curiosity i rented the smiths or whatever it's called. what a bunch of mind numbing violent shit that was. i felt like a 12 year old boy playing world of warcraft after that. i wanted to take a shower. it wasn't even entertaining. i felt embarrassed for them just watching it. nothing worse than a frat boy trying to be cool. i'm not a conspiracy theorist, however, there must be something crazy going on with this bubblegum violent shit. when you compare it to dog day afternoon, the violence in that is so real and palpable it makes you think and reassess our societal condition which is it's intention. with this mtv plastic shit, it makes violence fun and that's where i draw the line. too many mentally ill out there who take it literally.
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What is her problem? She's just laying there...
Nothin like a midwestern stoner and a goth junkie with means living in the south of France trying to be all fancy like.
they're Sooooo sophisticated...
Nothing makes that vein stick out on your forehead faster than a bottle of champagne.
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If anyone is going to pee on him it's going to be me.- Nicole Kidman
Lol, what's IF doing in this clip? That dark-sided bitch can act better than all of them! hahaha
Just put their name on it give the kids their own vintages. Fans will eat it up. But I don't think "being present" constitutes making the best wines.(Cut to insulted vintners EVERYWHERE) *Dark-sided*
"And yes, Miraval rosé is best served uncool." ♥♥♥
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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You just know that the Kuntrasshians will be doing this next.
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If anyone is going to pee on him it's going to be me.- Nicole Kidman
It's just like "The Lost Boys". It turns you into an evil whore vampire.
@ faerie
No one has mentioned Andre Cold Duck or Riuniti (on ice). I am disappointed.
I remember...
"André for the holidays. Take André home for the holidays" *tink!*
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"That's an awfully high horse sir, may I pet him?"
@ faerie
No one has mentioned Andre Cold Duck or Riuniti (on ice). I am disappointed.
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Riuniti on ice. Riuniti tastes nice. Riuniti...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 5:49pm.
Submitted by Craigypants on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 5:43pm.
big box office "Moneyball"?
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Oscar nominations are bought if you whore yourself out enough. And
for the record Moneyball made $110 million worldwide. To put that into perspective for you, Aniston's Bounty Hunter, widely considered a flop by the loons, made $136 million worldwide. And I believe Wanderlust made more money than Pitt's latest film, Killing Me Softly. LOL
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 5:33pm.
Submitted by IHateCharityChic on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 4:48pm.
over the past few months weren't there a few photos of the two of them herding the kids thru airports?
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Nope. Only pictures of them separately. Seriously, there have been no photos of them together in almost a year.
I'll definately try this. Also, the Brange aren't making the wine ~ the Perrin family is doing that and they know what they're doing.
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 3:28pm.
Submitted by Hekki on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 1:53pm.
Submitted by parissucksliterally: "They are probably sold out already, the Just Jared loonies bought it all."
LMFPO.
I wonder how many bought Brad's furniture. Heh heh.
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The same amount of people that are in the emergence ward after the legs broke and they fell out of the crap or it fell on them
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hahahhah! Emergence ward, for those who have a problem "coming out."
hahahahahah...sorry to hijack this...we now continue with your regularly scheduled broadcasting....
Submitted by Craigypants on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 5:43pm.
They haven't had a hit movie in years
????? "Moneyball"? Best Actor nominations everywhere and Best Picture Academy Award nominations big box office "Moneyball"?
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
They have to keep the brand going somehow. They haven't had a hit movie in years and since the kid is only brining home $3000 a day they do need a little extra income. They should be embarassed.
Submitted by winniwins on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 1:52pm.
That is AMAZING. You and I TOTALLY would have been friends...hahaha.
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Your Chick-Fil-A is showing. - ISprainedMyUvula 8/3/2012
For a sec, I thought that bottle in the pic was really the jolie-pitt wine bottle and nearly fell on the floor laughing.
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Steven Tyler does White Oprah drag better than White Oprah does White Oprah drag. - MK
Submitted by IHateCharityChic on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 4:48pm.
over the past few months weren't there a few photos of the two of them herding the kids thru airports?
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Ihatecharitychic - the oscars are next weekend, so maybe they'll. Show up there?
@pushy
*blushes* every time I think of doing something bad, I envision my nana, who died a few years ago. She said if I ever drank or did drugs, even if she was dead, she'd come back and "fuck me up." So now I'm terrified and I'm not questioning her abilities. I'm just sayin' no.
...Submitted by boredasfuckyo on Thu, 02/07/2013 - 6:11pm
"Pooping for me, is oddly relaxing. Like you just shit a little bit of your worries and cares away. Throwing up just feels like you're heaving up bits of your soul."...
Not that wine is a bad thing... I like me a glass now and then (though I don't think I've had Rose.. except my memory sucks so I probably have)... but this sort of reeks of boredom to me. Except, having all those kids can't possibly be boring. Can it?
Submitted by islandgirl on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 3:37pm.
Fast forward to the :55 mark. (apologies if you've already seen it, I have watched it eleventy hundred times!)
http://youtu.be/7cs0OMDBRaM
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Oh jeez, I remember her, poor woman! It hurts to watch :D
She's hiding out until her age catches up with her ravaged body. brad just does waht he's told.
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Both of them have been seen multiple times over the past year. Just not together. There are new photos of her today. She was at some cinematography event a few weeks ago and she was at Ewan McGregor's premiere in the fall. Brad has been seen flying in an out of L.A. a bunch of times and he did the PR circuit by himself for the release of "Killing Me Softly". It's just weird that they have not been seen TOGETHER. Not even once.
Submitted by kortni_thegreat on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 3:47pm
You are on the right track Kortni. There will be plenty of time for wine. You just keep doing what you are doing! We need young people like you.
Submitted by winniwins on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 1:52pm.
Memories- my friends and I used to open up the boxed wine, tape the plastic bag to our bellies and enter the concert "pregnant"
LMFAO. the mind boggles at how many different ways that could go wrong, but i guess y'all had that. kudos!
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
But what I want to know is, will this wine give me my very own slithering snake like forehead vein?
This whole post is lost on me. *wishes I was 21 or one of those super rich kids who start drinking when they're 10*
...Submitted by boredasfuckyo on Thu, 02/07/2013 - 6:11pm
"Pooping for me, is oddly relaxing. Like you just shit a little bit of your worries and cares away. Throwing up just feels like you're heaving up bits of your soul."...
Right up there with Ramona Pinot Grigio swill. I guess the celebrity fragrance market is over-saturated.
Submitted by Emeriesan on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 3:33pm.
It could be worse. It could be beyoncé trying to flog vajazzled bottles with blue dyed champagne.
thanks a lot for giving them ideas. now we know what will be released in time for Thanksgiving 2013.
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Submitted by johnnysgirl on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 2:29pm.
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:)
Fast forward to the :55 mark. (apologies if you've already seen it, I have watched it eleventy hundred times!)
http://youtu.be/7cs0OMDBRaM
It could be worse. It could be beyoncé trying to flog vajazzled bottles with blue dyed champagne.
my my such busy busy people. where do they find the time?
This montage of her face on the bottle cracks me up.
Submitted by Hekki on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 1:53pm.
Submitted by parissucksliterally: "They are probably sold out already, the Just Jared loonies bought it all."
LMFPO.
I wonder how many bought Brad's furniture. Heh heh.
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The same amount of people that are in the emergence ward after the legs broke and they fell out of the crap or it fell on them
"why have these two not been photographed together since announcing their engagement"
Angie is starting to look rough, the last pics of her here she looked like Madonna, all veiny and artificially pumped up in the face. Maybe she's too vain to be seen but just can't stop what ever self destructive thing she's been doing for years, so she's hiding out until her age catches up with her ravaged body. brad just does waht he's told.
It's weird that in the last year they've traded in the philanthropy for selling products. Although, they certainly did sell the shit out of their philanthropy brand.
Also, I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again even though I will incur the wrath of the loons, why have these two not been photographed together since announcing their engagement almost a year ago? If this were any other couple there would be a million conspiracy theories.
when i read 'perrins' and wine all i could think of is Reggie Perrin who opened a shop called Grot that purposefully sold useless things, including awful wine made from sprouts and nettles. The wine was a great success because people bought it for people they hated. Then again that was 1970s Tv and not real life.
Can t wait to see their faces at tesco
I bet it tastes great. That's rosé country and the locals know a thing or two about it. The Anointed Ones certainly won't be stamping on grapes. The prob with celebrity wines is you pay 30% more just because of the celebrity.
This is so hilarious.
I'm surprised we don't see that famewhoring leg on the label.
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Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps. ~ Emo Phillips
Bet it smells like burnt cookies, Chanel Number 5 and dirty diapers.
M.E.
I didn't see the "Big Betty" link was from you.
THANK YOU! I'm sending the stupid, soon-to-die flowers back. Get me a Big Betty!
Just get this and you can say it's only a glass a night.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0053T01UM/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_3?pf_rd_...
LOL ::police sirens:: but ossifer, I only had ONE glass of wine. ::mugshot flash bulb::
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I love it!
Submitted by islandgirl on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 1:50pm.
I think I'll stick with my Cardboardeaux.
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HAR!! I am totally guffawing at all these comments. Y'all bitchez are funny :D
Wine? I bet this bitch does jello shots.
No one has mentioned Andre Cold Duck or Riuniti (on ice). I am disappointed.
Stainless steel tanks?????
*clutches pearls*
No reputable winery should use stainless steel tanks. That's so California.
Wait, did somebody say "rosé"??? OMG, I just can't with this tacky duo. They don't know the difference between the Loire and the Napa Valley. Bully Hill has a better pedigree than this mess they are serving up.
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 1:22pm.
Will taste like the flop sweat underneath Brad's balls. With a pube or two thrown in for good measure.
*throws dinner in the bin*
Submitted by Meatblocks on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 2:00pm.
"...(the Jolie-Pitts) want to ensure they are making the best Provence wines they can. They were present at the blending sessions this year, and are relooking at everything from the installations in the winery ..."
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oh, they were present? then thank god because nothing assures me quality control than an inspection and thumbs up by those 2 masters-of-everything renaissance kids.
yes indeedily doodily, where do i sign up for the case-of-the-month club?
lmao
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Yes, Saint Angie makes good Whine.