Lady Gaga Cancels The Rest Of Her Tour

Dancing around for two hours a night in ankle-killing, 12 inch heels made of recycled dildos caught up with Lady CaCa and it put her ass in a hospital bed. Gaga was forced to cancel three dates on her Born This Way Ball tour on Tuesday, because she said she was hit with a condition called synovitis and can’t even walk let alone pop her tuck next to fake butchered meat. Gaga got a few more tests on her hip this morning and learned that she needs surgery, so the rest of her tour has been put in the meat grinder. She was supposed to close her tour on March 20th in Tulsa. Live Nation put out this statement:

Live Nation Global Touring has confirmed that the remainder of the Lady Gaga Born This Way Ball performances have been cancelled. After additional tests this morning to review the severity of the issue, it has been determined that Lady Gaga has a labral tear of the right hip caused by strenuous repetitive movements in her performances. She will need surgery to repair the problem, followed by strict down time to recover. This unfortunately, will force her to cancel the tour, so she can heal. Refunds for the cancelled performances will be available at point of purchase starting Feb 14, 2013.

If you’re like me and read “labral” as “labia,” then you probably spent a good 30 seconds picturing a torn pussy lip on Lady Gaga’s hip.

Gaga should let the doctors do hip surgery on her on stage while she performs. And then for the rest of her tour she can perform from a bedazzled hospital bed and sing into an IV stand microphone while back-up dancers dressed like slutty orderlies twirl around her. I’m actually surprised that she’s not doing that. And somebody tell Madonna she can pull the pin out of her Lady Gaga voodoo doll now. Her black magic worked.