After the Grammys on Sunday night, Patrick Carney, the Black Keys drummer, was coming out of a party and TMZ asked him what he thinks about Justin Bieber crying and whining about not getting one nomination. Patrick, who may or may not be the long-lost twin brother of Artie from Glee, said something like, “He’s rich, right? Grammys are for, like, music, not for money … and he’s making a lot of money. He should be happy, I guess.” Those are fighting words coming from a drummer who is underestimating the wrath of the Beliebers (smells like cold tit milk, expired banana yogurt and baby rage). Patrick better stay away from playgrounds, the ball pit at McDonald’s, Chuck E. Cheeses and the Belieber Ward of every mental hospital, because as soon as the Beliebers learn how to walk, they’re coming for him. Because their evil overlord has put out a slap hit on Patrick:
You know who really needs to be slapped around? Justin Bieber’s junior douche ass. (“I’ll do it! I’ll do it!” – Usher) Justin needs to get his iPhone slapped out of his paw, because in almost every picture he posts of himself on Instagram, he looks like a bottom bitch who’s trying to decide on if letting out a wet fart is going to totally kill the mood or re-lube his b-hole. That’s my signature look.