It’s nice to see that the Grammys still aren’t about recognizing the best talent in music (see: Carly Rae Jepsen’s nomination) and still all about what’s really important: TITTY BALLS! While giving us her best Priscilla Presley circa 1969 cosplay, Katy Perry also gave us chichis for days and Ellen Degeneres just couldn’t help getting all up in there with her eyeballs as a butchified Portia de Rossi laughed next to her. If you stare at that picture long enough, you can almost see Ellen’s eyeballs pop out of their sockets like a cartoon cat. Ellen is either motorboating with her eyes or she can’t believe that certified douche bag John Mayer, who was wearing one of Willy Wonka’s old suits, gets suffocate himself in Katy Perry’s magnificent chichis every single night.
And yeah, when Ellen Degeneres humps Katy’s titties with her eyes, everybody laughs and calls her a comedic genius. But if a straight dude did it, he’d get a punch to the eye and a restraining order. So if you see Gerard Butler and Mel Gibson trolling around with a tiny blond wig on their heads, a fitted blazer on their bodies and a Home Depot card stuck in their pockets, you know what they’re up to.