Send All The Young Hos Home, The True Queen Of The BAFTAs Has Arrived

Not since Mrs. Slocombe has a British goddess worked a glorious cotton candy mop like this. At the BAFTAs in London tonight, hos of all ages dropped to their knees when Dame Helen Mirren twirled onto the red carpet like the magical nymph she is. Helen Mirren didn’t care that the rain drops were threatening to wash away the strawberry Kool-Aid hair dye from her locks. Helen laughed at the rain, twirled, laughed at the rain, posed and then twirled again. Helen is just at the BAFTAs to get drunk on free champagne, make out with her husband in the hallway and dance in the aisles during the commercial breaks. Helen Mirren is like a human ecstasy pill. If I licked her, I’d probably get a sudden craving for orange juice and glow sticks.

Helen told People that she decided to work the Strawberry Shortcake’s memaw look when saw Sophie do it on America’s Next Top Model:

“I saw it on America’s Next Top Model, so I decided to have a go. I know I won’t win tonight, but I’m going to have lots of fun and celebrate anyway.”

SPOILER ALERT: Helen Mirren didn’t win tonight (Emmanuel Riva did!), but I’m sure she just twirled in the audience as Paloma Faith, Thandie Newton, Jennifer Garner, Ann Hathaway, Amy Adams, Jessica Chastain and Jennifer Lawrence watched and secretly wished they could be a 1/100th as hot as she is.

And take cover, because the ego balloon on Tyra Banks’ head is going to expand and blow up after she hears that Helen Mirren is taking beauty tips from her.