Open Post: Hosted By The Phantom Of The Fabulous

We can all ascend now that we've seen beauty and glamour in its finest, rawest and most potent form. I hope you have a paper bag handy, because it's only a matter of seconds before your b-hole starts hyperventilating. That is a natural reaction to the sight of elegance incarnate.

It only took two packs of Lee Press On Nails, five Sharpies, four handfuls of stick-on rhinestones, three jars of Vaseline, one bottle of Wite Out, a gallon of oil-based red paint, a whole lot of black shoe polish and the finest rhinestone pieces from QVC, but the most gorgeous creature in Europe Harald Glööckler managed to top himself. And yes, I'm pretty sure that's the only time in the history of forever that the words "Harald Glööckler managed to top" have been typed, read or spoken.

Last night in Austria, Mira Sorvino, her husband, Gina Lollobrigida and dozens of others at the Vienna Opera Ball lost their breaths and suffered from severe glamour inhalation when Harald Glööckler rode in on a horse-drawn carriage like the royal empress he is.

Let's all bow down to the unicorn skunk chola who is as precious as a wet kiss from a rainbow and as dazzling as a Liberace butt queef. Actually, I don't think Harald glued those rhinestones to his beautiful face. He's just having an acne breakout. Yes, even his acne breakouts are works of art.

Splash

Posted by: Michael K

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Harald Glööckler • Open Post

Submitted by veryoldbat on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 11:53pm.

It's beyond awkward... Giving me a headache.. And the screaming Tweens? Yore supposed to be 18 to get tickets.... Every time he speaks.. They do the Beatles scream...help...

Now is the time. You're not promised tomorrow. -PR

Submitted by Bigbendy on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 11:50pm.

Hahahaha ha. The writers must read MK. This skit with the Bieber body doubles and half of them are girls.........priceless

Submitted by Bigbendy on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 11:45pm.

Batty and GG, you are so right. The cold open was kind of funny at the end. LeBeaver is sooo bad and sooo into himself.

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 11:40pm.

Bigbendy, I'd rather put a stick up my butt.

"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012

Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 11:39pm.

@ GG -- thank you!!! will do, have oranges. cut orange, squeeze into glass of vodka, orange peel on dog. roger that! i also have a big ass citronella plant on my deck -- going to rub some leaves on her. [i'd call her "the big bitch" but that's taken ;-P]

@ BigBendy -- not on yet here. but when it comes on in a couple of hours? HELL TO THE NO!!!

"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12

Submitted by veryoldbat on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 11:39pm.

Bendy...:: sadly... I am.

Now is the time. You're not promised tomorrow. -PR

Submitted by Bigbendy on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 11:33pm.

Is anyone watching SNL with Justin LaBeaver? His opening mono was awful.

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 11:33pm.

FOxxy, rub an orange on his fur...first scare up the peel with a fork so some of the oil gets on him. Fleas hate citrus oil...I would usesome essential oil on a cotton ball very lightly on the fur but depends on how sensitive your dogs skin is.

"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012

Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 11:30pm.

Hi Bat -- many thanks to you and GG! lucky you, GG. lucky you. i'm worried about getting something pet-safe, thanks for the product suggestions, Bat!

and now going to finish said pet's de-flea-estation. thanks, ladies! talk to you later and if i miss you have a great Sat nite!

"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12

Submitted by veryoldbat on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 11:21pm.

Foxxy.... Pine mulch lowers ph... Dr Iron sounds better.. And I use Miracle Grow Tomatoes . That's all. :)

Now is the time. You're not promised tomorrow. -PR

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 11:20pm.

I dont think you have to test all of your plots if you yourself have amended the soil over time so it should be pretty much the same unless there are areas that you didnt amend. I dont really have to adjust the soil in an area - I have a hydrangea and I need to adjsut it to keep it the blue color I love so that baby went into a large pot.

"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 11:15pm.

Foxxy, you can go to Home Depot and get a bag of Dr. Iron. It says its for lawns but I mix it up with my soil.

"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012

Submitted by veryoldbat on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 11:09pm.

Fooxxxxxeeee?

Now is the time. You're not promised tomorrow. -PR

Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 10:43pm.

GG -- good evening m'lady [that works SO well with your avi ;-)]. hope you had a good day. questions i have. i soil tested yesterday and have to reduce alkalinity in my tomato plot (tested at 8+! no wonder no tomatoes last summer). i use the same fertilizers and bagged soil everywhere. should i pH test all of the other plots too, or assume the alkalinity would be the same everywhere? have you had to adjust pH before? i read i'm supposed to add "iron sulfate" -- any product you recommend?

"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 10:35pm.

@Foxxy - You rang?

"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012

Submitted by veryoldbat on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 1:57pm.

Other things to do besides shovel...

http://www.jokeroo.com/pictures/funny/snowman-bodybuilder.html

Now is the time. You're not promised tomorrow. -PR

Submitted by Mani6 on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 1:55pm.

Submitted by Dog on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 9:05am.

Thirty-one inches of snow. Thir-ty one.

*cries*

Been shoveling all morning...fucking exhausted.
What's with all the superstorms anyway? They had to call in the National guard to rescue stranded people using snowmobiles because the regular rescue vehicles were getting stuck! This has never happened to us before.

I'm officially sick of these "Super" storms.

............................................

If anyone is going to pee on him it's going to be me.- Nicole Kidman

Submitted by BaconSlut on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 1:31pm.

Thanks everyhooker. You guys have been great. Catch you all tonight!

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Submitted by BaconSlut on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 1:30pm.

@Bat

LOL Send away! :D

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Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 1:32pm.

Bacon, you and Lips have a safe, scenic drive. take care and check in when you can!

" A real shit your pants moment! "

i believe the short form for that is "a Roker moment"

"Hot Lips would have stroked out."

i feel SO wrong for laughing as hard as i just did

"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12

Submitted by BaconSlut on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 1:29pm.

@Foxxy

Last summer while I was on my deck, a bald eagle flew so close to me-eyes zeroed in on mine-that I thought he was going to perch on the deck railing. A real shit your pants moment! Hot Lips would have stroked out. He was sound asleep inside and never was the wiser.

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Submitted by BaconSlut on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 1:26pm.

Speaking of, I better get some lunch into my pie hole, jump in the shower, and get to packing. I'll be there for a few days, but will certainly pop in the D on the laptop. I can't stay away from the horz for too long. ;)

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Submitted by veryoldbat on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 1:25pm.

Baconnie.. You've had a brutal week. No bird watching after 4...
I have bird pics.. But you might not like them..;)- will send anyway..lol
Stay safe. Xo

Now is the time. You're not promised tomorrow. -PR

Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 1:24pm.

@ Bacon -- Hot Lips' reaction to an approaching bald eagle or hawk would be ... interesting, lol. have to admit i'm afraid of big birds -- i saw a hawk or huge owl a few weeks ago and still look up when i go outside. i can only imagine how beautiful the drives are in your part of the land. one of the nice things about CA, too.

"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12

Submitted by BaconSlut on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 1:18pm.

LOL Yeah, you really have to be alert for those phuckers! Also usually see a few bald eagles and hawks. So beautiful. If I can find a safe place to pull off the freeway, I do so, just to watch.

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Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 1:14pm.

@ Bacon -- i'm like that too, i call it "windshield therapy" ;-) hope you and Hot Lips don't fight over control of the music!

i hope they are not suicidal deer like near my cousin's home on the outskirts of Cleveland (Solon). every time i visit either a suicidal deer or a suicidal goose throws itself into a road at night. ridiculous.

"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12

Submitted by BaconSlut on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 1:11pm.

@Foxxy

And yep, definitely before dark. Lots of deer on that stretch. It's good to be able to see them! Hoping to shove off between 3-4 PM.

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Submitted by BaconSlut on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 1:09pm.

@Foxxy

It's really not a bad drive. Once out of the metro, it's mainly farm fields, which for me can be relaxing. Hot Lips will be riding shotgun in his carrier!

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Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 1:06pm.

@Bacon -- i saw your other comment, looks like you have a rough drive ahead of you. can you get it done before dark? someone who can take the wheel if you need a break?

"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12

Submitted by BaconSlut on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 1:03pm.

Hi Foxxy!

Hanging in there. Driving back home this afternoon. Weather looks decent today.

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Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 1:01pm.

GOOOOOOOOODDDDDD morning right back at ya, Bat! lmao, thanks for the warning -- i don't know which one is the "legal thread" but now i know to stay my ass right in this one ;-)

what are you up to today?

Hi Bacon -- glad you have time to be here. how are you?

@ Dog -- *sends Dog firewood and a photo of me in my t-shirt in my backyard* ;-P

"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12

Submitted by BaconSlut on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 1:00pm.

Thanks, Can Be. :)

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Submitted by can be a pushy broad on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 12:57pm.

VOB, he drank a pot of folgers.

Bacon, warm thoughts to you and your family.

Submitted by BaconSlut on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 12:56pm.

Hey Bat!

I'm hanging in there. Gotta start packing fairly soon. So far, good weather for the 1.5 hour commute today. Might be another story on Sunday and Monday though, and the herd may be thinned due to snow and ice. This could be a good thing though. Dad was well known, and it would be kind of stressful to be tossed in a pool of hundreds of unknown hookers. How are you?

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Submitted by veryoldbat on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 12:53pm.

Baconnie Goodness.. Are the relatives arriving today? How are you doing?
Major airports closed...?? Good, bad , hard to tell ?

Now is the time. You're not promised tomorrow. -PR

Submitted by veryoldbat on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 12:49pm.

GOOOOOOOD Morning Foxxy... You are being paged in the Legal Thread. Pushy..??? What Exactly did you put in MR. Pushys coffee this morning? LOL. ??
:)

Now is the time. You're not promised tomorrow. -PR

Submitted by BaconSlut on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 12:46pm.

Morning, hookers!

Hope all of the East Coast horz are warm and well!

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Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 12:40pm.

good morning ladies! GG are you still here? Bat how are you feeling?

/just can.not. with that photo. can.not.

"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12

Submitted by can be a pushy broad on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 12:34pm.

@veryoldbat, Hi. I'm procrastinating (sp) doing chores. Mr. is cleaning the garage and is like the energizer bunny. Shit. That means I have to do something productive so I don't feel lazy.

I think you mentioned you were reading Great Gabsby the other day. Never read it but recently saw the movie with Robert Redford/Mia Farrow.
He was beautiful. Beautiful scenery but dang,
depressing as hell. I've been reading Jane Austin's Sense and Sensibility. I do enjoy her books. Wishing you a good day VOB. I sometimes read the D at night and I'll have to say, you and the night crew are really entertaining. (((H)))

Submitted by veryoldbat on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 12:22pm.

Things to do while waiting for TWD. And or the snowplow:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/erinlarosa/the-walking-dead-drinking-game

Now is the time. You're not promised tomorrow. -PR

Submitted by can be a pushy broad on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 11:41am.

Submitted by Dog on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 9:05am.
Thirty-one inches of snow. Thir-ty one.

*cries*

Holy Cow!!!! Been there though. Bet your family is going to get some good food.
Your avie is ADORABLE!!!!
OK, gotta go do chores. sighs

Submitted by Dog on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 11:16am.

You're quite welcome!

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www.charitywater.org

www.theanimalrescuesite.com

www.modestneeds.org

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 11:03am.

Thank you Dog for that refreshing story. ;.

"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012

Submitted by Newportjoey on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 10:05am.

It appears that D listed has been taken over by the Walton family taking forever to say goodnight to all the 2nd cousins. Not a fucking thing about the Host Vampire of The Gay Opera here.....you've let us down Waltons.

"If Drinks are not involved, then neither am I"

Submitted by Dog on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 9:57am.

WAKE UP, HOORS! Have some coffee...

http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/health/florida-couple-addicted-cof...

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www.charitywater.org

www.theanimalrescuesite.com

www.modestneeds.org

Submitted by Dog on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 9:05am.

Thirty-one inches of snow. Thir-ty one.

*cries*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org

www.theanimalrescuesite.com

www.modestneeds.org

Submitted by Meatblocks on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 8:19am.

lotsa snow, lots and lotsa snow.
i've got squirrels that live in an eave on my roof (right by my bed) and they were BUSY this morning (maybe trying to block the wind -which is still killer blizzard shit).
i brought a cat back from hawaii and i held her today, at the door, to show her snow for the first time ... poor thing because no sooner had i opened the door when WHOMP she got smacked in the face by a huge clump of snow that fell from over the doorway. persians have pissed-off faces naturally so i'm not sure how she felt about it.
anyway, i am like a child this morning, looking at all the catastrophe and lovin it.

*peddles off in a mint '88 yugo*

Submitted by Some random European on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 7:26am.

I can't believe you forgot to mention that HE ASKED HIS BOYFRIEND DIETER TO MARRY HIM that night!

Unfortunately, there are no pictures of him getting on his knees, but his boyfriend was accompanying him and Harald confirmed that he said yes. :)

Submitted by WithinReason... on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 1:01am.

GG, I think his look would be complete with some manly spider eyelashes à la Jello. A trampstamp on his forehead and... a cheek ring... Although, I hear this is much more in right now: http://imgur.com/IDFrt.jpg What do you think? ;p

Night to ya!

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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by Gardening Girl on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 12:56am.

Nite all, got to get up early in the am! Have a good one.

"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012