Mama June: Now With Less Fupa

February 6, 2013 / Posted by:

I know you’re probably wondering why I would put a picture of America’s sweet tart Mama June (on the left) next to a picture of Anna Nicole Smith in 1994. But believe it or not, that’s not a 1994 Anna Nicole Smith on the right, that’s the OTHER southern bombshell who makes grown men squirt buttermilk from their nipples. It’s the honey to my boo boo Mama June!

My favorite Georgia peach tells TMZ that in 2 years she’s lost a total of 102 pounds, or approximately 11 and a half Glitzies. Mama June says that when they started filming the important American documentary Here Comes Honey Boo Boo back in 2011, the number 365 would look back at her when she stepped on the scale. But now she weighs 263 pounds. Mama June didn’t lose two Olsens from cutting back on sketti sauce or stepping onto a treadmill, she lost the weight from just running around. Mama June said, “I haven’t done any surgeries … no diet pills … never went to the gym. but with the show I’ve been more active. They have me running around and going different places … I guess it’s paying off.”

Who cares that the Post Office isn’t delivering on Saturdays anymore! I don’t really give a shit that my favorite anti-gay crazy bitch Megan Phelps has quit the pot of boiling hell known as the Westboro Baptist Church! The real American news today is that Mama June is slimming down and getting bikini ready for summer.

If the chunk keeps dripping off of Mama June’s beautimous body the same way drool drips out of Honey Boo Boo Chile’s mouth when she thinks of canned cranberries, she’ll eventually lose her super stack of Pringles chin. I will miss Mama June’s Buche de Noel chin, but at least she’ll still have her Forklift Foot. Wait, when you lose weight, do your feet get skinnier? Because if they do, what are the gnats going to feed on?!

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