Let’s All Feel Sorry For Chris Brown (UPDATE)

February 6, 2013 / Posted by:

Apparently, The Difficult Brown deleted his Instagram page right after Jesus’ lawyer sent him a cease and desist for using his shitty art to compare himself to God and St. Bea Arthur’s child (Jesus is Bea Arthur’s biological child and you can’t tell me otherwise). But MTV News says Chris Brown has another account on Instagram that’s private and he used it to cry butt tears of woe over the latest mound of shit that he created and stepped in. Chris Brown once again threw himself on the cross and bitch and moaned about he’s sick of people throwing hate at him. It really is hard out for there for an entitled rage monster who thinks that he’s above the law (see also: Lindsay Lohan).

Chris Brown is right. Why can’t everyone just leave Chris Brown alooooone, because it’s obvious that he’s a changed man who has totally taken responsibility for being an asshole and shows this every day through his actions. You know when Chris Brown murdered a mirror with a chair at Good Morning America? That was a changed man! You know when Chris Brown got into a parking lot brawl with Frank Ocean instead of walking away to avoid trouble? That was a changed man! You know how Chris Brown made up all those community service hours because he thinks he’s above the law? That’s a changed man!

Chris Brown isn’t Jesus. That’s unfair to say, because Chris Brown has it worse than Jesus! Jesus was just nailed to a cross and left to bleed and starve to death. Chris Brown has to deal with bitches on Twitter and the media constantly calling him out for being an unchanged asshole. That’s worse! Churches everywhere should swipe out their statues of Jesus on the cross for statues of Chris Brown crying in front of a laptop at all the mean comments, because that’s real suffering.

And please, like anything is going to happen to Chris in court today. It’s California! But maybe he should change his last name to “Lohan” to make sure.

UPDATE: Chris Brown denies this rant came from him and says it came from a fake Instagram account. I should’ve known it wasn’t him when he said he wasn’t Jesus.

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