I See You, Falkor, I See You

February 6, 2013 / Posted by:

And the barnyard version of Brangelina vs. Jennifer Aniston lives on. For the past couple of weeks, Brandi Glanville has been out on the ho stroll selling her book hard by releasing excerpts about how she de-Cibrianized her vagina, was willingly raped by Eddie Cibrian the night they first met and nearly barfed up her internal organs when LeAnn Rimes lured her husband away with tits made of cake. And  now a week before her book comes out, there’s a story in UsWeekly about how Brandi is constantly crying over how she’s the victim of Eddie’s nomad dick when she didn’t exactly keep her legs closed to other dudes during their marriage. Well, at least we won’t see staged bikini pictures of LeAnn for a little bit, because she’s been busy with other things like leaking stories to UsWeekly. Unless, LeAnn let the paparazzi take pictures of her leaking these stories to UsWeekly while wearing a bikini. Yeah, she probably did that.

A source says that throughout her 8 year marriage to Eddie Cibrian, Brandi passed her poon to several dudes several times and 5 weeks after she birthed out their son Jake, she did a dude in her bedroom. But Brandi went on Twitter this morning and denied it WHILE dropping the release date of her new book.

Grasping at straws? Cut to LeAnn Rimes with a guilty look on her face as her mouth grasps a piece of straw in her stall.

Can’t we just assume that Brandi and Eddie were both sluttin’ before, during and after their marriage. Let’s assume that Eddie stuck his nomad dick in random chicks before, during, after his marriage to Brandi and let’s also assume that Eddie is sticking his nomad dick in random chicks while he’s married to LeAnn Rimes. And Brandi was probably dropping her twat on random dicks before, during and after her marriage to. Eddie is always fucking and Brandi is always fucking. They’re both just fucking everyone! Everyone is getting laid! Well, everyone except LeAnn Rimes. While Eddie and Brandi are screwing everybody, LeAnn is chewing on her bed of straw while tweeting her horoscope for the day.

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