I know, asking “Would I rather hump on Gerard Butler or Mel Gibson?” is like asking “Would I rather end up at the top of the CDC’s Most Wanted list or would I rather have my genitals banned by Jewish people, black people, gay people, women people, hispanic people, jacuzzis, etc….?”
So apparently, Mel Gibson and Gerard Butler are friends and together they terrorized Miami over the weekend. These pictures have got me craving an IV drip full of Gatorade and menudo, because they look like two hungover and hairy nutsacks in sunglasses. They’re like two rejected members of The Pussy Posse. But you know, Gerard is a genius for hanging out with Mel Gibson. Because next to Mad Mel, Gerard looks like a fresh piece of fresh ass and you completely forget that his crotch probably smells like a Limburger cheese and tonsil stones sandwich and you don’t even care that when he unzips his pants, an unidentified wart mysteriously grows on your genitals. Who cares! Give me Gerard! Give me a mysterious kind of STD! But don’t give me Mel Gibson!
Besides, call me vanilla, but when a sweaty piece is grunting over my back, I really don’t want to hear him moaning about how Jews are evil. I also don’t want a piece to threaten to burn my house down if I don’t tickle his huevos. Oh, and don’t call Mel’s ballsack “huevos” or he’ll demand to see your papers and call INS on you. That’s a total orgasm killer.